School run dilemma

[Roundroundthegarden]

Hi I just can't seem to figure this out. Very boring, but maybe someone can give me an idea I didnt think of.I have 2 kids, one primary aged and one 2yo.
We live in the middle and both schools are 20 min apart from each other.
the 2yo begin at 8am and the other at 8:20 and there is no way I can go back without getting stuck in traffic. Dh won't be able to help as he leaves before that and even if he is able to, his WFH days are very rare.
It seems unlikely that anyone wants a job for 2 hours in the mornings too. I tried that. We are going round and round trying to figure this out.

The important bit is that your primary school aged child is at school on time every morning. No way on this earth would I be rushing and racing with a two year old. I'd find an alternative place. My five year old DD attends pre school from 8.45 to 11.45. Her older brother attends an asd class which is at the opposite side of town. He gets a bus to his school and there was a stage that the bus didn't collect him until approx 8.50 so he'd go off on the bus and then DD would get dropped to preschool by me(older DD walked herself earlier to primary school) Obviously DD would start later than everyone else in her preschool but being nice normal reasonable people who are very empathetic about the fact that my other child had to attend school out of the area there was absolutely no issue. I wouldn't like the fact that they were so rigid about a two year olds start time.

When we had a similar situation we found an A level student who didn't need to be at school until 9am who would take our youngest to nursery every morning. That was walking pushing the buggy (or bus if the weather was truly dreadful) not car though. If something that might work could you ask the nearest high school if you could put a notice in the school notice board or something? You would probably find some nice girl who wants to study childcare / teaching keen to get something on their CV

I paid for nursery 8-4, but in reality never dropped them off until about 8.40. Nursery don’t care, I’m paying, I’ll drop them off when I like.

For your 2 yr old or your older child?

You really don't need an independent prep for a2 yr old so hopefully the eldest. In which case you can move the little one.

Your options are:

DH leaves later
Hire someone
Change nursery
Faster transport method - e cargo bike
Time turner

Personally, I wouldn't use any school that had a strict start time for 2 year olds. At that age, "school" fits round the family, not the other way round.

Both kids in independent schools and I have a boy (older) and girl (2yo).

Older dc is at an all boys and starts at 4+.

We chose this school as we want to avoid the 7+ and the prep will assist in leaving at 4+. We went to this school and left at 7+ after the exams, we absolutely loved it.

The school has a huge waiting list and will not change times and I understand that as we were there with my oldest.

The change is that we had to move.

Private helicopter I assume these independent schools have nice large fields 🤪

What line of work is your husband in? Can he put a flexible work request in?

I know many people can't change their hours but I also know a couple of men who work what hours they want and refuse to be flexible for their family due to their big important jobs.

Unfortunately dh can't change hours. In an industry where he is pretty much stuck into early mornings. We applied for an afternoon place as he would be there to do pickups for one dc.

The morning place are set hours and they don't offer drop in later as it's disruptive. I know this seems crazy but it's just how it is.

Thanks, I have tried this but as people travel in to these schools it's very hard to find a local family who is in the same position or slot that we are in.

If the nursery definitely won’t allow a later drop or swap to afternoons despite your history with them, DS’s school has no breakfast club, DH definitely can’t do flexible working, you’ve failed to find someone to pay to do it and a childminder is a no go for whatever reason then there is no magic solution or anything you’re missing.

Stating the obvious I know but you can’t be in 2 places at once and you definitely can’t regularly drop your son to school late because of a 2YO’s nursery. Unfortunate I know as there must be a sentimental element too but unless one of the above can change then it can’t work, it’s impossible, and surely the only option left is that find another nursery with sessions that actually work for your family?

I also get that you want DD to get into a selective pre-prep/prep for reception and that it’ll involve the 4+ but this one school nursery cannot be the only way to do that. The early year’s curriculum is the same wherever, so any good nursery for the confidence and socialisation, some prep at home and of course keeping your fingers crossed she has a good day because preschoolers be preschoolers will put her in just as good stead! So I wouldn’t worry about that.

You joke, but my local independent prep's Headmaster arrives daily by private helicopter in the adjacent field. Runs across the road with his gown blowing in the wind. Usually has a little girl with him, holding onto her uniform-straw hat 👒

Seriously 😐

This sounds like London, though? In London you can absolutely find a responsible 16 or 17 year old student who would be happy to cover one of the drop offs for you. You just need to be more creative about how you look. Have you asked teenagers on your street if they fancy the job? Signs up on local community noticeboards? Add in student newsletter at a local high school or 6th form college. Insert in the parent newsletter at the kids' school and nursery - someone may have a niece, younger sister, nice neighbour's teen, etc, they could suggest. Even Gumtree if you get really stuck.

Alternatively, if you have room, how about an au pair? If you work, you need help with all the school holidays anyway.

you keep repeating the fact that this private prep is "highly sought after"/oversubscribed etc but the point is that it isn't meeting your needs and you are being ridiculous to be putting this much effort into keeping your 2yo at a place that is simply failing to do what it needs to. You would be much better to transfer your 2yo to an ordinary, less "highly sought after" nursery which you can physically travel to at the right time to get your older DC to actual school on time. You can then spend a little bit (hopefully the cost-difference between "highly sought after" and "ordinary" to bring in some additional 4+ preparation support - a quick google for "help prepare for 4+ testing" brings up dozens of organisations who will be glad to help you.

So are you planning to leave your 2yo at that school into primary? Meaning you'd have years of this juggling? That's just not feasible.

That is absolutely crazy. I cannot believe anyone would want to send their child somewhere so prescriptive! (But each to their own)

I know you said your youngest's school doesn't offer a breakfast club, but does your oldest's? It seems really unusual for an independent school not to offer any wraparound care before 8.25. Surely they have families where both parents need to start work earlier than that?

There’s no solution - you’ve made inflexible choices and you and your husband say you can’t make other arrangements. I don’t see the point in posting here.
A Tern GSD ebike could well resolve the problem of traffic but you want to drive.

Thanks for the helpful replies. My ds school does offer early clubs but it means taking my 2yo on a very long journey in the am, but it might be the only solution.

That’s your solution then. No brainer if the nursery is this important! It wouldn’t be to me, but you seem desperate to make it work and that looks the only way you can manage it.

What other solution is there? There is the most obvious answer.

I asked this before but is the issue that you want your 2 yo to stay at that school through primary and that's why you are clinging on to this place? I can't think of any other reason why you couldn't move the nursery.

It is a prep school and all kids leave after the 7+. That's what we did with my older dc who is now in a single sex school which my 2yo cannot attend.

I want to my 2yo to attend this school as we intend to leave after the 4+ which the school will help prepare you for that. The offer is now or probably never again.