School run dilemma

[Roundroundthegarden]

Hi I just can't seem to figure this out. Very boring, but maybe someone can give me an idea I didnt think of.I have 2 kids, one primary aged and one 2yo.
We live in the middle and both schools are 20 min apart from each other.
the 2yo begin at 8am and the other at 8:20 and there is no way I can go back without getting stuck in traffic. Dh won't be able to help as he leaves before that and even if he is able to, his WFH days are very rare.
It seems unlikely that anyone wants a job for 2 hours in the mornings too. I tried that. We are going round and round trying to figure this out.

So you have two years before the little one starts school I guess? I'd find a different nursery for them as this one doesn't work for you.

Just have an assertive conversation with the nursery and explain you need to prioritize your child of compulsory school age and that your tot will dropped off closer to 9.

Most rules obessed ppl can be challenged effectively when common sense is thrown at them.

The priority here is your school aged child who you must get to school on time.

As for the nursery, I'd be looking at alternative provision if they will not be flexible. This will only cause you stress in the long term if you are not able to get your child to school on time.

I initially assumed you were a single parent with no family close by to help out, so was going to suggest childminder / breakfast club if both drop off times are non flexible. However I then saw your comment about DH being unable to ‘help’ due to his working hours. Surely him putting in a flexible working request to either change his hours, or WHF on set days to allow him to do one of the drop offs is the first solution to consider?

E-bike

This nursery doesn’t work for the family, so I’d prioritise finding an alternative. School is the priority as that’s compulsory education, so nursery needs to fit around that, not the other way around. That might mean going further, looking the other side of school to your home or a childminder. This fixed 8am drop off surely can’t be the only option?

If there’s no wiggle room with the nursery start time, you’ll need to find another one.

Your 2yo is not at school! You need to find another setting that suits you all. The primary school aged child start time is top priority.

Does the older child's school do breakfast club? I know you said nursery didn't but what about school.

What about a childminder who does drop off for the older one?

Tbh it sounds a pain if it's for the next 2 years, I'd be looking for a nursery closer to the school, or at least more flexible on drop off.

Yes, the nursery rigidity is the problem. I'd prioritise finding a new nursery.

Option two is to find a family with similar but opposite challenges. eg you drop your reception aged child at their house at 7:50 and they take her to school but you collect both children at 3:15 and they collect from your house at 345.... or similar.

Yes. It is an independent nursery with a massive wait list. They don't offer breakfast clubs too.

That's nuts. Never ever have I heard a nursery behaving like that about a 2 yo. 😳

I'm not denying it but it's simply not a thing (Ireland) and if I was in your situation I'd have to find a more accommodating nursery (I know, easier said etc)

Exactly.

ask your employer if you can wfh in a morning, reduce your hours or put an ad in your local store

This is very much against the Mumsnet Line, but is there anyone you can share the older one's school run with?

I work with a school nursery. We are not able to offer spaces to parents who need to drop off late or pick up early on a regular basis.

The geography of the school makes it a safeguarding issue if parents deviate from the set times, plus it takes staff away from set ratios.

Mine were opposite (then I had to get to the train station). I walked eldest to school (25 mins) went to breakfast club, walked another 10 mins to nursery then another 10 mins back on myself to make the train.

Are you working? If not, give up the nurse place?

If there’s genuinely no alternative to the 8am start time then it seems this nursery is not the one for you as it’s not logistically possible and I couldn’t be dealing with that stress for the next 2 years!

Are there any other nurseries locally? Preschool attached to the primary school? Do you need childcare to work 8-12 or is for your child to have some nursery time?

What time would you get there if you dropped off the oldest first and then took the younger one to nursery? I’d just inform them that your child either needs to come a bit earlier (appreciate this might not be possible) or they will be there between 8.30 and 9 due to school drop off. Obviously you still pay the same fees.

Didn't want to post this bit as I might be flamed.
It's an independent prep and space are very hard to get.

Your update doesn’t change the situation. You can’t get there in time and get your older child to school, so independent prep or not, it’s not the right place for your younger child.

OP why is your 2 year old going to an independent prep and not the older one??

Can't they both go to the same school?

If they really can't then you have to prioritise the older one at the moment. You will have to reject the precious prep nursery place and wait until something you can logistically manage becomes available

Option 1 - DH changes his work hours so that he can do the 8am drop off

Option 2 - find out which childminders in your area do school drop offs, pick one, and drop your elder child there before you take 2yr old to nursery

Option 3 - ask a parent of elder child’s friends to help you

You might be able to employ someone. A friend of mine had a uni student who was very happy with regular, short shifts that didn't clash with lectures.

Local CMs may be worth a look, but not very likely if older one is at an exclusive school (in which case you might still get lucky with a nanny who wants a few extra hours.

The fact the job is done well before 9am might mean you can find someone to pay. Obviously you can't physically split yourself in two so some measure of a 3rd party helping is going to be needed.

Your husband's job may be genuinely inflexible, but it's amazing how often women manage to flex their hours round school runs no bother, while their male colleagues, doing the same job, are claiming they are carved in stone. It doesn't hurt to ask, it's not career limiting or unusual to juggle work and a school run. Maybe your husband can be the first in his workplace to put in a flexible working request and negotiate to get it approved.

But your eldest isn’t there? Why is it so important that only the 2YO goes there?

I would presume the independent prep is the 8.25am start. No state primary would start that early.

A childminder once said to me if you think something is a tall order without DC, forget it with DC as it will just be too stressful. The nursery timings do not work with the school timings so school must take priority. I'm not sure you could pay someone enough to do one of the two drop offs everyday - it's too big a commitment for anyone and they would need car insurance for business use at the absolute minimum.

If nursery is 8-12 if this for childcare purposes? If it isn't necessary for work I would have a major rethink.

Why is your eldest elsewhere?

Is it really important they go at 2 as it really isn't practical.