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Original poster

How to politely say eff off?

60 replies

GR8GAL · 13/05/2024 10:19

Long story short, I stopped speaking to my "friends" over 10 years ago when a nasty rumour was spread about me. Consequently I suffered sever depression and alcoholism, resulting in attempts to take my own life, I was left very lonely and hopeless. It was devastating. I've since recovered, after many rock bottoms, and have been alcohol free for 5 years now, all of the friends I've made since then know this and today I have a wonderful relationship and an incredibly supportive group of friends.

Cut to this weekend and one of old gang has reached out saying "Long time no see, fancy meeting up for a drink?" and expecting me to relay the last 12 years worth of my life's events. Also seems to think I'm still single which is a bit insulting, this person hasn't made any attempt to maintain a friendship in all this time and clearly doesn't really know the person I am now, expecting me to fill them in.

How can I tell this person that I have no interest in reconnecting just because it suits them now? I find it incredibly obtuse and tactless but don't want to seem bitter. I have a wonderful life now but they don't deserve the details nor do they deserve to be a part of it.

What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
PTSDBarbiegirl · 13/05/2024 10:21

I wouldn't reply.

Psychoticbreak · 13/05/2024 10:21

Same. Ignore it.

MaryBethMayfair · 13/05/2024 10:22

As above, I would delete and ignore. It sends a much louder message than something you could put into words.

cherryassam · 13/05/2024 10:22

I would ignore it and block either their number or however they contacted me.

Chewbecca · 13/05/2024 10:23

Ignore

TheCountessofLocksley · 13/05/2024 10:23

Honestly? I would just block them across all media. Don't worry about appearing "bitter", I really don't think you would anyway.

After that length of time they know there is a good chance you won't see it/respond. Block and don't give them anymore headspace.

Original poster
GR8GAL · 13/05/2024 10:23

cherryassam · 13/05/2024 10:22

I would ignore it and block either their number or however they contacted me.

Thanks. It was on Facebook, where it also states I'm in a relationship 🙄

OP posts:
Eze · 13/05/2024 10:24

Delete without responding. Your old friend will still have the perception of you from 10 years ago so has absolutely no idea who you are now. You don’t have to engage with them at all.

Wishimaywishimight · 13/05/2024 10:24

There is nothing you can say that could adequately convey the very justifiable feelings you are having on hearing from this person so I agree that no response is the perfect response.

2chocolateoranges · 13/05/2024 10:25

Ignore and block.

IncompleteSenten · 13/05/2024 10:25

I wouldn't reply.
Block them and forget about them.

maudelovesharold · 13/05/2024 10:27

Don’t reply. Just delete the message. Whatever cutting/clever/witty response you come up with, it’ll backfire on you. I don’t think they are going to have your best interests at heart.

Sundaysun12 · 13/05/2024 10:31

I agree with others delete and block. You don't owe them a reply. Your life has moved on now in a good way. Leave that person in the past where they belong.

OldTinHat · 13/05/2024 10:32

I could have written this. To the letter.

I ignored the 'friend' and blocked her. Then she messaged my DS asking if he would apologise to me on her behalf because of her behaviour years ago.

He blocked her too and ignored.

You are in such a great place right now OP. Don't jeopardise it. You owe that person nothing at all. Carry on enjoying your sober life and true friends. Give them not a moment more of your thoughts.

loropianalover · 13/05/2024 10:33

I agree with everyone else, don’t even use up your energy to send a reply.

This person hasn’t known you for a decade, they have no idea about you or who you are. I suspect a bit of guilt has crept in and they want to justify to themselves that you are not cross with them and are doing ok.

Geekat · 13/05/2024 10:34

agree, ignoring is the best policy, but if you feel the urge to reply, something surface polite and indifferent would work e.g.

"Hi x, I’m doing really well, but it’s just not going to be possible to meet up at present, all the best

Sockmate123 · 13/05/2024 10:35

PTSDBarbiegirl · 13/05/2024 10:21

I wouldn't reply.

This! No response is a response.

maudelovesharold · 13/05/2024 10:41

maudelovesharold · 13/05/2024 10:27

Don’t reply. Just delete the message. Whatever cutting/clever/witty response you come up with, it’ll backfire on you. I don’t think they are going to have your best interests at heart.

"Long time no see, fancy meeting up for a drink?"

Would she know that you have had issues with alcohol in the past? If so, then this is a really spiteful thing to say. I really would be very wary, op, and steer well clear.

amicissimma · 13/05/2024 10:57

I agree with blocking and moving on.

By the way, lots of people are giving up alcohol these days, so no need to feel uncomfortable if offered a drink. Unless you want to discuss your situation, most people just say they decided to give up while it was still easy, or they didn't want it to get too important to them, or they didn't find it was doing them much good, that sort of thing.

Hoppinggreen · 13/05/2024 10:59

Ignore
Or, if you feel you have to respond just say No Thank You

FlickDrink · 13/05/2024 11:07

I don't see this as being as bad as other posters. They just asked if you wanted to meet up. If they knew you were an alcoholic then asking to go for a drink was tactless but a very normal thing to do.
Did this friend actually do anything wrong? Did the spread the nasty rumor? If so then block but if not then you could message.

Whatever you want is ok.

Original poster
GR8GAL · 13/05/2024 11:10

OldTinHat · 13/05/2024 10:32

I could have written this. To the letter.

I ignored the 'friend' and blocked her. Then she messaged my DS asking if he would apologise to me on her behalf because of her behaviour years ago.

He blocked her too and ignored.

You are in such a great place right now OP. Don't jeopardise it. You owe that person nothing at all. Carry on enjoying your sober life and true friends. Give them not a moment more of your thoughts.

So sorry to hear you had a similar experience. The absolute cheek to contact your DS!

OP posts:
Sunnyandsilly · 13/05/2024 11:11

I’m also not sure how offering to meet up is really bad, or how not realising you’re in a relationship is insulting. They prob didn’t look fully. Just ignore and block. Don’t stress over it.

GigiAnnna · 13/05/2024 11:11

I wouldn't reply. If they are as bad as you say they are most likely getting in touch out of nosiness. I wouldn't give them what they are after.

Original poster
GR8GAL · 13/05/2024 11:13

amicissimma · 13/05/2024 10:57

I agree with blocking and moving on.

By the way, lots of people are giving up alcohol these days, so no need to feel uncomfortable if offered a drink. Unless you want to discuss your situation, most people just say they decided to give up while it was still easy, or they didn't want it to get too important to them, or they didn't find it was doing them much good, that sort of thing.

Very true, lots of my own age group are giving it up. It doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, I've very set in my sobriety and have no issues being around alcohol. I don't feel I need to explain my reasons, if this person had bothered to maintain a friendship then they would know why I quit, and I think its rude to ask anyone why they choose not to drink, it can be a very personal thing.

OP posts: