Should a dad help with childcare and housework if their partner is a sahm?

[Lipolio]

Just that really. What do you think?

My friends think they shouldn't. I'm of the opinion that housework and childcare after work (at the exception of nights if the dad has to wake up early to go to work) and on the weekend should be shared.

Some of my male friends tell me they have never changed a nappy and would never be expected to as they are the breadwinner and provide everything financially.

HAHAHAHAHAHA
Yes of course. Anything outside the working partners hours should be split.

So it's ok for a woman to work 24 hrs, but a man gets an evening and night off work?
Not very fair!

My thought exactly!

Once DC are at school then maybe. Before then, of course not. No more than they should if the DM is a career high flyer on maternity leave!

It’s not ‘helping’, it called pulling your weight in an adult relationship and parenting your own children.

Does the man not want to spend any time with his child at all?

if babies/ toddlers/ preschoolers than housework and wkend childcare should be shared
kids in school house work all on the sahp- however that doesn’t give a working parent a pass to take the piss, ie. Leave plate on a table and clothes on the floor
childcare at the weekend, not sure any parent should leave that entirely to another of both off work.

They believe their job with the children is playing with them and disciplining them but not changing/bathing/feeding/taking to the park, etc...

Is that what the bloke think being a parent is? Throwing money at the other parent? You might as well seperate and claim maintenance in that case

I think looking after a baby is much harder than working full time! So depending on the baby/toddler if you have more than one etc then things should be split.

If you have older kids maybe the burden should be mainly on the stay at home parent as they’d have more down time during the day.
All sorts of other factors - disabilities, other caring responsibilities etc would change things.

Of course they should. But as my husband had a very early start and needed to drive for an hour each morning I insisted that I did the night feeds. Everything else was split, although I did all the housework.

I can't believe this is a real question in 2024.

Does he not care about his partner's mental health?

I think 80% of the House Work should be done by the parent who is in the home, vacuuming, dusting, dishwasher, laundry.

Evenings, one cooks other cleans, one does the bath, other drys child/does bed time.

Weekends, each gets a lie in, both do chores...its a partnership.

I have voted yes they should help. BUT if you stay at home with school age kids. You should be able to run a house, cook, do home work and your other half should not have to come from work to do this. I didn’t work during covid as my business was closed. I did everything and treated my day at home like a day at work.

I'm from a culture that is still very much stuck in the 1950s in my opinion

100%

I done the night feeds through the week, he done them on a weekend.
I do the housework, I'm better at it.
But 50/50 when it comes to the kids and he's in from work.

I was a sahm. DH would get home and have dinner with us, wash up and help with bath time and bedtime. I would do the cleaning and laundry etc. after bedtime we’d both relax. I did the chores In the daytime. He did all diy and lawn mowing.

Tbh I would split the question in two. Should he parent his children which is a 24 hour job? Absolutely yes! But… if dad works ft and mum is a sahm then she should take the lions share of running the house as her role, food shopping, main cleaning, laundry, life admin etc. I don’t mean things like load dishwasher after dinner etc, general keeping tidy is everyone’s responsibility, but main house running should be down to a non working person, shared if both are working.

Childcare? You mean parenting?

When we had DS 6 years ago, I became a SAHM. Literally nothing changed for DH. Even now, he won’t look after DS on his own unless I really can’t take him with me. He loads the dishwasher and think that makes him husband of the year.

I would find it unattractive in a man if that was his thinking. Thankfully my husband sees parenting as a partnership and we both involved. When I had my year maternity leave her Dad would help out, yes I probably did more of the night feeds but he did his fair share of nappies!

It's not 'helping' it's parenting and being and grown adult and a partner.

It depends what you mean and age of dc. If dc are in childcare or school then the majority of the housework and household admin naturally falls to you as a sahm, this was the case for me, but until they are in school it's not possible to get everything done so sharing is necessary unless you have a paid cleaner. Childcare on weekends should be shared

It's not called helping when it's your own child.

Should a mum help with childcare if she works outside the home?