Should a dad help with childcare and housework if their partner is a sahm?

[Lipolio]

Just that really. What do you think?

My friends think they shouldn't. I'm of the opinion that housework and childcare after work (at the exception of nights if the dad has to wake up early to go to work) and on the weekend should be shared.

Some of my male friends tell me they have never changed a nappy and would never be expected to as they are the breadwinner and provide everything financially.

DH did almost all the housework and cooking when I was home with dd. She was a very difficult, Sn child, though we didn’t have a diagnosis at the time. Even with him working full time and doing pretty much everything around the house, he still got more free time than me. That was unavoidable because she strongly preferred me and screamed when she wasn’t touching me.

the goal should be equal free time. So yes, dad’s should do housework and child care.

Reminds me of a Mikey Flanagan quote. "I've got a pair of bollocks and a day job so I must be in charge".

If you call yourself a parent you should be putting in solid parenting hours.

Otherwise you're taking the piss.

Likewise, if you call yourself an adult, you need to do some adulting when you're not at your paid job.

This means realizing you're not as special as you think you are and that your paycheque doesn't entitle you to a servant who never gets time off.

Well ask them do they work seven days a week with no help?!

He will be wasting his time. The law is unequivocal.

He's the sort of man who thinks he's above it, clearly. What a surprise he'll get if you can muster up the courage to end it. He'll find out that there is in fact an authority and a power in the land that is bigger than him.

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It depends whether the working parent views the SAHP as an equal and a person worthy of respect, consideration and free time to pursue their own projects and hobbies, or whether they view them as a support human or domestic appliance who is there purely to service the working parent's life.

I work and my husband is a SAHD. When our kids were little, I would do bedtime because I wanted to spend time with them. We would take it in turns to get up with them at the weekend.

They're teens now, my husband does the vast majority of the housework and cooks Mon-Fri. I make the kids' packed lunches and cook at the weekend.

I also do most of the family admin.

I honestly can't imagine being a partner and a parent and just not being involved.

I believe you should both have equal leisure time. So split housework and parenting in whichever way makes that happen.

If sahm is superwoman perhaps she can get all the housework done while he's at work but the parenting in evenings and at weekends should still be split.

I'm quite surprised how many of my male colleagues who I'd consider normal modern men barely do any of the kid stuff. However sometimes the kids are the wife's hobby and she enjoys spending weekends at kid stuff and play dates whilst he plays golf, fine if it works for them.

Why do you put up with it?

Sorry Potato, I realised I missed stuff. Xx

My eldest is 26. When dh came home from work I'd fire the baby at him and get out of the house for 30 minutes!

And do the decent thing and do your bit,it's your home and your children also.
Anything else alludes to 1950s attitudes.
You tube has some 1950s info films
On how to be a good house wife..jaw dropping stuff looking back.

As long as after 5pm the driving back and forth to 3 activities and getting your children to do homework and managing their device time and bedtimes and that they have packed for camp like they are supposed to and are ready for the morning is shared. There’s a lot of parenting that can’t be done between 9& 5 as they get older. With ours that includes pretty much all sports and all homework and all organisation and all committee meetings and they aren’t even in high school yet to have debating and drama and music rehearsals and plays and real homework and school projects.

Thank you. I appreciate this so much.

Thank you. When things were really bad at Christmas, I reached out MN for advice and support but was met with unkind comments because I own a mortgaged rental property and the mortgaged house we live in. I have money tied up in assets but don’t earn enough (and possibly can’t) to see me through until after it’s all been to court. This thread has been different. People are offering support and advice, which absolutely means the world.

If I was a SAHM then I’d expect to do all the childcare and run the house between the hours of say 8-6 BUT parenting and the requirements of a family don’t end there so I’d expect a fair share of all bedtime/post dinner clear up activities etc. When on maternity leave, I considered my job to be looking after the baby and not being a housewife - any cleaning etc was a bonus but not an expectation. I funded my own mat leave through savings so I was determined to enjoy it!
I earn double what DH does and work longer hours. If I was a man I’d get away with doing very little around the house I’m sure!