How to deal with CPTSD?

[pinkorangewhite]

I have complex ptsd. Long story but suffered abuse and neglect. I grew up not knowing how to live life and I was always fearful. Abusive and violent father, controlling mother. Never had the chance to say what I wanted or didn't want. My thoughts didn't matter to them. I'm an only child. Never said anything to my school friends so they didn't know.

Went to uni and didn't know how to enjoy life so I was in my room with curtains drawn 24/7. I didn't know there was anything wrong with me.

Now I'm 46 with 2 kids and happy. Happy that I am away from parents but I don't know how to navigate life. I can't plan holidays, can't invite friends over for meals because I don't know how to host. Husband is better at these things so we have invited some friends over in the past. But I get extremely anxious.

I've had 3 therapists for various things but they haven't worked.

What else can I do to love myself and be able to become an adult? I'm still that fearful child not knowing what tomorrow will bring as parents were so unpredictable.

Any advice would be appreciated. If you could be kind that would make my day.

I recently had EMDR for CPTSD and it has been so effective. I've had counselling before which has helped but not to the extent EMDR has. It was expensive and I had it for about 6 months. I'm about a year on now and still feel improved.

I'm having compassion therapy at the moment

I have anxiety for many things. This includes social, cooking, cleaning, driving, money. All the necessary things in life. I am terrible at maintaining relationships, I can't handle it when friends get too close to me emotionally. I think it's just that I can't believe anyone except dh and kids (5 and 10). But even with them I feel I need my own space a lot of the time otherwise I get overwhelmed easily. I get anxious arranging play dates.

My favourite thing is to go to sleep at night. That's when I feel most safe and comfortable.

I also had emdr pre Covid - didn't feel it helped much. I did cry a lot and got my emotions out but I'm back to square one again.

How does compassion therapy work? How has it helped you?