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Original poster

What time is your Year 10 allowed out until on week days?

62 replies

Mooche · 09/05/2024 15:05

Hi,

I am having a battle with my teen DD (15) at the moment, I dont like her out later then 6.30-7pm during the summer weekdays when it is still light (and thats providing homework or revision done) but shes been telling me lately that she is so embarrased to leave "so early" as none of her friends have to go that early.
In winter its even earlier (ie when it gets dark)
Part of my worry is because its not like shes at a friend's house or shopping or cinema, mostly she will be in a park or street.
Appreciate I am possibly molly coddling too much.

What are the rules in your house?

OP posts:
loopylou42 · 09/05/2024 15:07

My year 9 DD has to be home for 8pm during the summer months.

I think next summer when she's a year it will be more than likely 9pm home time

goldenretrievermum5 · 09/05/2024 15:07

DD and her friends were never out on weeknights unless it was for something prearranged like sport training or a special event, not just hanging around with each other. There just wouldn’t have been time. Does she not have homework and hobbies to be getting on with?

PopsicleMoon83 · 09/05/2024 15:08

Our general rule was always in before dark in winter whatever time it happened to be, but providing homework was done etc we'd let her stay with friends until 7:30/8pm as long as it was light during term time. It's a difficult one to navigate as they will always say they are the most harshly treated whatever you do! I would say 6:30 is a little early though...?

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Minimum85percentCocoa · 09/05/2024 15:09

I think it’s completely up to you and the ‘correct’ answer will differ depending on your child and where you live. However my 12 and 10 year olds (nearly 13 and 11) are allowed out to play if it’s light and they are with their friends. I know where they are though and it’s a small community where we all have tiny back gardens so I like to encourage playing out in the local parks as much as possible. I appreciate the challenges/things they might be getting up to are different with an older teen though.

RubyGemStone · 09/05/2024 15:14

10pm on weeknights, especially in summer.

Weekends it depends what they're doing but 11 or midnight usually.

Have their location on my iphone though.

MissyB1 · 09/05/2024 15:18

Ds is 15, in winter it’s home by dark. This summer it very much depends on where he is and who he’s with! Generally 7pm as that’s when we have dinner. But if he was doing something in particular like food out with friends or at someone’s house, then it would be 9pm.

We don’t allow “hanging around” in the evenings. That’s when trouble can start in my opinion.

Treelichen · 09/05/2024 15:23

10ish for my Y10 son, although he tends not to stay out past 7 during the week anyway.

BuddingPeonies · 09/05/2024 15:26

My 12 year old (ie Y8) is allowed out later than that!!
He has to come home for tea - usually about 6 ish, but can go out after that with friends.

The 15 year old doesn't really bother, but I can't see him being restricted more than his younger brother!

alphabetzoo · 09/05/2024 15:31

6:30-7 🤦🏻‍♀️
Weeknights 9 isn't unreasonable
Weekends 10 -11 and later if she's at a friends house which may happen sometimes and has a lift home or a bunch of them can walk her back

shepherdsangeldelight · 09/05/2024 15:31

It was before dark when mine were that age.

After dark needed more discussion, but would be unlikely to be agreed on a school night if it was just general "hanging out" and not something like a friend's birthday.

Original poster
Mooche · 09/05/2024 15:32

Thanks all, food for thought.

She claims some nights she has done the HW at school but tbh she isnt out every night but when she is, its when we have battles. She recently did her Mocks.
She does have 2 clubs a week she goes to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mooche · 09/05/2024 15:33

PopsicleMoon83 · 09/05/2024 15:08

Our general rule was always in before dark in winter whatever time it happened to be, but providing homework was done etc we'd let her stay with friends until 7:30/8pm as long as it was light during term time. It's a difficult one to navigate as they will always say they are the most harshly treated whatever you do! I would say 6:30 is a little early though...?

Yeah I guess it is. Its more that I hate the idea of her hanging out with a wrong crowd in the park or street but I know I am being a bit overprotective here.

OP posts:
saveforthat · 09/05/2024 15:35

goldenretrievermum5 · 09/05/2024 15:07

DD and her friends were never out on weeknights unless it was for something prearranged like sport training or a special event, not just hanging around with each other. There just wouldn’t have been time. Does she not have homework and hobbies to be getting on with?

There should always be time for hanging around. I think it's awful that children's time is still micromanaged when they get to teen years. I think when it gets dark is a good rule.

Original poster
Mooche · 09/05/2024 15:36

I think I would be more relaxed if she was at a friends house, or doing something specific. But I know most of the time she is hanging around parks and streets which is why I feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 09/05/2024 15:38

Mooche · 09/05/2024 15:36

I think I would be more relaxed if she was at a friends house, or doing something specific. But I know most of the time she is hanging around parks and streets which is why I feel uncomfortable.

I’m sure this will make me unpopular on here but you are right to be wary of the hanging around in parks / streets late in the evening. It might all be perfectly innocent (and I’m sure it is), but it’s other people hanging around that concern me.

1yearplan · 09/05/2024 15:40

My DC is home by 9.30 during the week. He doesn't go out every night. Most nights he goes to the gym with friends so is home earlier.
Same rule for weekends, unless he's at a party.
The kids generally just hang out at each other's houses. Our garage has sofa's, tv and PlayStation and darts board, so they hang out there sometimes.
I'm wondering if 9.30 is too late now.

Original poster
Mooche · 09/05/2024 15:47

MissyB1 · 09/05/2024 15:38

I’m sure this will make me unpopular on here but you are right to be wary of the hanging around in parks / streets late in the evening. It might all be perfectly innocent (and I’m sure it is), but it’s other people hanging around that concern me.

Show quote history

Yes im worried she is getting in with the wrong crowd as well, plus as you say others around in those locations.

DD is waiting for assessment for Autism as well which may cloud my judgement.

OP posts:
hendoop · 09/05/2024 15:49

My dds will not be allowed out unless at a house - dd1 is happy with this and dd2 will go to the football pitch and practise with her mates at weekends but it's a firm no during the week

To be fair they have sports and their friends have hollies like horses etc so no one really hangs out mid week

ColonelRhubarbBikini · 09/05/2024 16:14

Neither of my teens have hung about in the street or a park. It’s either out to a mates for tea or doing something like cinema/bowling etc. Weeknight it’s home by 9ish (special dispensation for something out of the ordinary) and on a weekend later. We’ve picked them both up from village hall discos at midnight before now.

No hard and fast rule we negotiate depending on circumstance.

RosesAndHellebores · 09/05/2024 16:21

goldenretrievermum5 · 09/05/2024 15:07

DD and her friends were never out on weeknights unless it was for something prearranged like sport training or a special event, not just hanging around with each other. There just wouldn’t have been time. Does she not have homework and hobbies to be getting on with?

This. The same applied at weekends. Organised stuff with no parks/street/shopping centres involved.

Thankfully none of their friends did otherwise. They still had a lovely time and parents on the whole knew where they were.

Homework, Music/Singing/drama and sport.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/05/2024 16:21

No social life to speak of during term time at all. Way too much homework on top of additional tuition, music and school sports matches.
Children occasionally pass through or mine do at theirs on the way home from school but home by 6pm latest. They finish school at 4.30 and we eat at 7 so not a lot of time left for homework, showering and general cat-farting around on group chats.

Haven't really had to deal with the hanging around issue as yet but it's in the post. It will be home by dark or at someone's house as and when we do though. Helps that the park closes at dusk though and there's no reason they can't hang out in the garden or tv room here. I did see a nice idea in lockdown where someone had decorated an outgrown trampoline for their teens. Fairy lights, cushions, blankets and so on. Obviously only works in fair weather but nice idea for an outdoor den.

JaninaDuszejko · 09/05/2024 16:26

When my DDs (16&14, Y11 and Y10) go into town they have to be back by dark or half an hour after the shops shut. But they don't really hang out in public areas, they go to friends houses or their friends come here and either it's at the weekend and DH picks up when it ends (latest has been 1am 😱) or it's in the afternoon and time hadn't been an issue. We heavily encourage them to invite friends around, they have their own sitting room and DH WFH so they have a private space to hang out but have an adult in the house.

MavisPennies · 09/05/2024 16:26

Mine always come back for tea time but I suppose they could go back out. They never do though.
It's worth interrogating why you're worried rather than thinking about what others do - it may be very valid or it may be based on something else.

MonaChopsis · 09/05/2024 16:30

DD (14) is generally allowed to stay out until 9.30 weeknights, 9pm on weekends (earlier as there are a couple of rough pubs in town). She's a good kid with good friends, I think she deserves a bit of trust. She knows she can ring me at any time if there's a problem.

goldenretrievermum5 · 09/05/2024 17:00

saveforthat · 09/05/2024 15:35

There should always be time for hanging around. I think it's awful that children's time is still micromanaged when they get to teen years. I think when it gets dark is a good rule.

Show quote history

It’s not ‘micromanaging’ in the slightest. DD and her friends would often go into town after school and get coffee etc before coming home for homework, hobbies, sports practice etc and ultimately getting ready for the next day. There just wasn’t time in the evenings for hanging around with friends, the weekends and Friday nights are a different matter and of course and she was free to do whatever she wanted then, no curfews either. Even if she’d wanted to ‘hang out’ on a weeknight none of them would’ve been free as they all had their own activities to get on with too