What time is your Year 10 allowed out until on week days?

[Mooche]

Hi,

I am having a battle with my teen DD (15) at the moment, I dont like her out later then 6.30-7pm during the summer weekdays when it is still light (and thats providing homework or revision done) but shes been telling me lately that she is so embarrased to leave "so early" as none of her friends have to go that early.
In winter its even earlier (ie when it gets dark)
Part of my worry is because its not like shes at a friend's house or shopping or cinema, mostly she will be in a park or street.
Appreciate I am possibly molly coddling too much.

What are the rules in your house?

Mine have grown up now, but unless they had a sports club on a week day evening they were not allowed out. It was chill out at home after school, dinner and homework. No way were they allowed to hang out on streets where there was nothing for them.

When my daughter was 16 in Year 10 we generally expected her to be home for 10-10.30 during the week, midnight at weekends unless she was at a party or somewhere special. The only proviso was that I didn't want her to ever travel alone after dark and I insisted on collecting her.

I guess it's the whole hanging in a park and with the wrong crowd that worries me. She tells me all her friends are allowed out later so I wanted to see what others did.
But I appreciate it's not a one size fits all thing.

Good grief. 10pm is fine. Why are you so overbearing?

It’s not overbearing in the slightest. Realistically a 13 year old should have better things to be getting on with on a weeknight rather than aimlessly hanging around random parks until 10pm.

My Yr10 dd has to be home by 10pm. Some of her extracurricular classes finish at 9pm, and most of them finish after 6pm. So a 6.30pm curfew would be really limiting. She doesn't hang around in parks much, she mostly has sports training or other organised classes, sometimes they'll hang out at a cafe afterwards or at someone's house.

I would expect my two to be with me and sit down to dinner together at 7ish. Might be a bit of leeway but not much.

Obviously, if either were invited out for dinner at a friend’s house it would be different.

Year 10s still need 8 hours sleep or more, so ideally asleep at 11 to be up for 7 and able to study.

Live in outer London, though, and not really a hanging around park culture during the week (more at weekends).

It is good to be worried about what she is doing and who she is with.

I think the curfew is a red herring here. Are you actually unhappy with what she is doing, where and who with?

If the activity is fine, I think 7pm is very young for her age. But if the activity is not OK, it is no more OK at 6pm than 8pm.

Yes I suppose you are right. She was embarrassed this week when i "made" her be home for 6.30pm (in fairness it was more 7pm by the time she got home) and said none of her other friends had to go home then.
But she was literally hanging around streets and a park and I dont trust some of the people she was with. So I suppose it is a bit of a red herring.
But I did want to get an idea of how other parents of similar aged teens navigate this and what their expectations are around evenings and timings.

I remember having to be home by 9.30 during the week when I was 14 and then 10 when I was 15 and I was always SO resentful and embarrassed. I just wouldn't have had a social life if id had to be home at 6.30 as that was when I would usually have been going out.

What do all you people who allow your year 10s out late do about dinner?

Do you have it ridiculously early as a family or does everyone do their own thing?

As a parent, I think having dinner together is really important.

If my daughter was home before going out for the evening I used to make her dinner early at about 6. I agree that eating as a family is important, but for a teenager their social life is more important to them. My daughter wasn't out every night so we still ate as a family at 8.30 or 9 on nights when she was home.

9.30 to 10 but not every night. He has youth club and explorers which finish at 8.30 and 9. He always has his phone, which has the tracker thing on it. He has dinner before he goes out usually or gets his own thing Occasionally.

@Growlybear83 ,

‘but for a teenager their social life is more important to them’

I think there is a happy medium in everything but I think that is why it is important to be a parent and not a friend. They believe their social life is more important, but it doesn’t have to be every night or even more than the odd night (and the weekend).

Regular meals together might be boring for teens, but they are important. It is often the best opportunity for them to learn manners, conversational skills and sophisticated vocabulary.

Also teens are mostly still growing and developing and they really need their sleep. If they are up at 7, they should really be asleep at 11, and need quiet down time ahead of that.

My dc have never done this on a school night..just hanging round the street or a park. It's really odd to me to be honest.

@Newbutoldfather Yes I agree that there's a happy medium. I wasn't allowed out every week night during term time and neither was my daughter. I could probably count the number of times we've not eaten together at the dining table when we've all been home on one hand and I agree that it's very important to eat as a family as often as possible. But I don't think two or three nights out a week once children get to their teens in necessarily an issue. As far as learning manners goes, if your children haven't learned good table manners by their teens, then I think that's a whole different problem!

All young people need different amounts of sleep and I don't think that a 15 or 16 year old necessarily still needs 8 hours every night, but if they don't get enough during the week, they make it up at the weekend, which is why teens never get up before midday 😆😆

I'm not aware that my daughter was ever just hanging round the streets either. It's not something I ever did when I was that age - I always looked older and was usually in a pub 😆😆

Why odd? Can you not understand that teenagers might want a place to hang out away from their parents / their houses might be too small for a group of them to meet etc? And that they don't have limitless supplies of money to sit in places like coffee shops. Where exactly would you suggest that a group of teenagers who just want to chat for a bit, should meet up?

They come in for dinner and then go out again.

My Y11 15yo is often out until after 10pm, even in the winter. They go to someone's house to watch football and then walk home (less than a mile).
I imagine this summer, post GCSE, we will really struggle with a curfew of any sort

I don't mind parks or shopping centers until 6pm-ish but after that she has to be at a friend's house and we normally arrange a time to collect her.

On school nights I think it's 8-9pm depending on what's going on.

Do none of your 15/16 yo go to the cinema or out to eat in the evenings (weekends and holidays, obviously)
Ours all do at least once a month or so.

They don't hang about the streets or in parks, but they go to the beach or someone's house after dinner often.

None of them drink, smoke, vape, or worse.

They all walk home together or various parents collect, but we trust them, and they need a chance to learn to be independent.

I find it odd that these teens seemingly have nothing better to be getting on with on a school night than hang around parks - DD and her friends all had sports, hobbies, homework etc to do at that age which took priority. Plenty of time to socialise as they like at the weekends!

When eldest DD was yr 10 we didn't have a home time (still don't and she's yr 11). It was dependent on what she was doing. That said she never ever 'hangs around parks and streets'. Sometimes she would meet friends for a scheduled get together in a park and then we agreed an exit time. I would be extremely uncomfortable with aimless hanging around. We live in London though so may be skewed on our thoughts. Anyway all the kids around here are busy with sports or hobbies and homework/revision. She wouldn't have time to spend hours each evening hanging out.

School finishes at 3ish. It gets dark around 9ish (in summer). You can fit in homework and going to a club and still have time for socialising. We're not talking about hours and hours every night here. Maybe it would be between 7 and 8 (for example). I'd think a 15 year old who spent the whole time doing homework or structured activities every night, was probably overscheduled.

DC's school is right next to a park. Lots of the children just meet there after school and can stay there for hours or until they have to go in for dinner