Is there a way to check if someone has been baptised?

[Clementinepippa]

Some kind of church register that the public can access? Is it possible ?

It’s obviously a joke!

I would, as a PP has said, ring your family member and ask when the child is being baptised because you assume it will be soon and you want to keep the day free.

Hopefully they’re not excluding you from important celebrations.

Have you checked the recent parish newsletters?

Interestingly back in the 1920’s more than 70% of all children born were baptised by the Church of England. That’s fallen to around 8 % of children these days.

Putting the fear of god into people used to be a far more popular way of controlling a community!

@BrendaSmall I had to provide baptism certs for all 3 of mine to prove they were catholic for school admissions purposes. At primary and secondary

On a positive note OP you haven’t had to shell out for a napkin ring or another useless gift.

( viques now wonders what has happened to viques baptismal silver napkin ring……)

😂

In seriousness, perhaps stop focusing on fact finding and think more broadly about the issues you moving away has caused and how this might be resolved.

Either
a) your family can’t forgive you for moving away and leaving the caring “duties” of your parents on them. (a classic example of not practicing what they preach). And they therefore think you don’t deserve to be included in their lives, or

b) the guilt you feel at now longer being able to care for your dp is colouring your view.
Your family may not think it’s fair to expect you to attend every event if it involves a lot of travelling/ time off work.
(you say you’ve missed several family events not just this one)

Not all baptisim's are public

Where I live the church keeps the records for baptism, communion, confirmation - but I don't think they'd give out that information to someone who just rang up and asked. This would be a breach of GDPR, and religion is special category data.

It's a very weird that you want to go behind people's backs to find out, and why is it such a big deal that you're not invited to a religious ceremony?

I’ve never had a reason to need to find out !

Yes apparently they didn’t invite me to other things too

It’s quite a random thing to lie about someone being baptised, so I would assume it was true. Does the family friend have form for lying?
If you are a religious family and the baby/person was likely to be baptised, then chances are that they are.
Would there be photos online - friend of a friend where you could look?

Could you have a conversation with your sibling(s) ? about how you’re feeling excluded?

Unfortunately I think moving far away for work (and good for you for doing that) means you will be far less involved with what’s going on in their lives.
Perhaps you can make peace with that?

You could approach the parents from an apologetic angle- “Have I missed your little one’s baptism? I feel awful about it. Is there a way we can keep in better touch in future- I’d love to be a part of your lives even though I’m far away”.

I would flick some holy water on them, casual like, and see if they smoulder.

The church might have their old service sheets online, and it might possibly name the people who were being baptised that day. Church might also have a facebook page or possibly even a youtube channel with livestreams if it's a big church.

You could email the church office but I don't think they would (or should) tell you because of GDPR. Probably best just to ask the relative directly?

this a trillion times!

I just feel a bit hurt, Xmas celebration and birthday party makes me a bit sad but a baptism just really hurts if that is true . I don’t want a confrontation unless I’m sure of my facts. I feel like I’ve still be trying to be in touch, pay for a cleaner and gardener for our parents as well and just feel hurt

Sense of humour bypass.

I don't think it needs to be a confrontation at this stage. Just ask when baby X's baptism will be so you can make plans to be there.
Then see what they say.

Can you check if someone else's child has been baptised - no.

@Clementinepippa

Talk to your family?

If it was a Cof E baptism, you can search the baptism register for a set fee. https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukcm/1978/2/section/20 But will it really help with your relationships?
Think SmileyClares type of approach is far more likely to be productive.

Our church puts details of things like that in the newsletter (which is online).baptisms, marriages and funerals they've done in the last month (if any)

I agree, avoid confrontations whatever you find out.

It’s understandable you feel hurt.

It may be possible to salvage relationships by talking one to one with your sister (?) about how you feel so upset at not being involved.
Try not to throw out accusations and just concentrate on what possible steps everyone can take to change things?

It sounds like there’s a lot of issues going unsaid in your family!

If they wish to exclude you because you’ve moved away and in their minds “abandoned” your parents then you might have to accept you can’t change their attitude towards you. In which case, step back for your own sake x

Depending on the denomination there may be an announcement in the church newsletter or you could ring the church office and ask. If it helps We didn't have family members at our childrens baptisms. Ds1 had the church members and 2 friends from school (with their families). Ds2 just had church members and ds4 had 1 school friend, 4 of ds1's friends and his teacher!

I've got a certificate from 1970!