In presence of school bully-what do I say if she speaks to me?

[raspberrycordial]

So currently at child activity. School bully, who used to wait with her gang of cronies for me (me at middle school-her at high school) after school to beat me up-she never caught me luckily, but she was here last week too and is going to be here regularly.

She made my life hell and for no reason other than a boy in her year liked me.

I have no intention of approaching her but if she says anything to me (I think she recognises me) do I feign ignorance as to who she is? Or do I need a witty comeback to shame her? (She's with her mum watching her daughter)

I see my nemesis in Tesco every morning and she always smiles and says hello. I don't believe she even remembers what she did to me and yours is probably the same. Just pass the time of day and shrug her off, don't let her back in to your head on that level.

Either blank her or say to her,, yes I remember you from school you were a nasty Bully and you made my life absolutely hell

Hopefully she's grown up since then and it will be an uncomfortable weekly reminder to her of what an awful bully she was. I would definitely not pretend you don't recognise her, but instead keep it short if she approaches you. I would say something like "I'm sure we've all moved on since school but I still have nothing to say to you".

I'd just ignore her and concentrate on your life. Bullies tend to be miserable people in my experience and are often jealous of the people they pick. I'd say she's probably inwardly cringing and won't say a word, probably remembering being a dick to you and worried you might mention it in front of her mum. For some reason bullies worry more about being "outed" when they've got their lives together, because it spoils the lies they build up about themselves.
So, on balance, you don't need to worry as it's unlikely she'll want to draw attention to the fact she knows you.

Just smile OP and kill with kindness. Ime bullies are being abused at home, neglected, suffering grief or trauma. That doesn't excuse being an utter cnut to you. She's probably very ashamed and will recognise you. Try to be proud you came through it and can show your happy life now.

Definitely don't try a witty comeback (unless you're magnificently witty I suppose?).

Either pass pleasantries with her and mention nothing.

Pretend you don't remember her.

Or calmly call her out.

Just don't engage with her. Coming out with a rehearsed witty comeback is a bit cringe, esp when you don't even know what she'll say to you in the first place, so how can you plan ahead what to say?

Don't look at her, don't catch her eye, as far as you're concerned she's a complete stranger you've never seen before in your entire life.

if she speaks to you say calmly….

“sorry, do I know you?”

And watch her realise she’s nothing to you

If unavoidable to speak to her, give it your most confident 'Sorry, do I know you?'

And then claim not to remember who she is when she reminds you.

Let her come to you and say hello - if she dare. Then politely remind her how she wasn't such a nice person back then and how you'd prefer it if she kept her distance now as she's not someone you wish to associate yourself with!

I saw my school bully in M&S a few years back. She second glanced me and my husband. Almost shocked and jealous that I had a man. She used to tease me for being ugly and frigid. I looked quite nice that day, all done up and looked happy.

She, much less so!

She half smiled at me to engage. I said “sorry, do I know you?”

She went bright pink, looked so embarrassed and shocked.

It was so fun!! Makes me smile every single time

I'd just blank her or if she says oh we were at school together be vague and confused and say oh were we ?

The "girl "who used to torment me we had dds through school together I just used to blank her I had no interest in speaking or being civil to her.

Pretend not to recognised then when she says who she is respond "Right, yeah, ok" and walk off shaking your head.

I'm definitely not fabulously witty 😂.

I have just been looking through/over/around her if she comes into my eyeline, and will keep doing that.

I can see how she's set herself up to be perceived now and it's nothing like she was and is very false) I think you're right, she won't dare risk me calling her out especially not in front of her mum.

Another school bully who tormented poorer kids is now a head teacher at our local secondary school!

She was AWFUL from Year 5 right up until 6th Form!

I had a girl who was exactly like that to me too!

I saw her in the supermarket not long ago... I turned into an aisle and she was coming down the other way so I couldn't avoid her. She put her head down and walked past me!

She later tried to add me on FB. Blocked!!

I would ignore her and be curt and short if she spoke to me.

’Killing with kindness’ is often actually ‘swallowing the shit sandwich’ IMO

What I did wonder is if she spoke to me and I said I didn't remember her, how would she remind me that I did know her "you must remember me, I used to chase you home after school" 🤦🏼‍♀️

You are letting her get to you again.
Stop allowing her headspace.
I agree with others in that, if she remembers you at all, it’s probably with a bit of shame and regret.
All the girls I would have called ‘bullies’ at my school have turned out to be very normal, average women. Most of whom would horrified to remember some of the thoughtlessly mean things they said.
Try and let it go.

I'd pretend not to know her then go Oh yeah, you were that girl who used to try and bully me because that boy you fancied liked me! We were all so embarrassed for you.

You never know. She might apologise. But I wouldn't hold your breath.

It's unlikely she'd embarrass herself by saying that, unless it was followed by an apology.

But even if she did you just stick to your story, laugh and say 'You used to chase people after school? How weird. No I don't remember you at all'

Totally blank her . If she speaks to you scowl, acknowledge with m-hm sound, nod and turn your back.

I think this is perfect, if she approaches to make conversation, unless she purposefully takes you to one side and apologises.

Don't do all this 'do I know you?', nobody says that neutrally.

Otherwise ignore. You know it was rooted in insecurity and lack of self control rather than anything personal to you.

I would be cautiously friendly, it will at least create a nicer atmosphere for both of you and give her chance to approach you if not outright apologize. Many people would like to make up for past behavior and maybe she’s one.