In presence of school bully-what do I say if she speaks to me?

[raspberrycordial]

So currently at child activity. School bully, who used to wait with her gang of cronies for me (me at middle school-her at high school) after school to beat me up-she never caught me luckily, but she was here last week too and is going to be here regularly.

She made my life hell and for no reason other than a boy in her year liked me.

I have no intention of approaching her but if she says anything to me (I think she recognises me) do I feign ignorance as to who she is? Or do I need a witty comeback to shame her? (She's with her mum watching her daughter)

If there is a chance that your children may make friends at the activitiy then I don’t think you can pretend not to know her. Just say I remember or call out. Calling out would presumably stop any relationship/play date unless there was a genuine apology but it clears the air(if that stage group of your child now).

Would Blank her

She doesn’t get the right to disturb the peace for you anymore.

If she approaches just say 'well, you finally caught me' and leave it hang, then nod politely and walk away.

@rainbowduplo I've seen that clip and I thought it was brilliant.

I'd say it depends on how you feel. Due to DC the same age, I've bumped into three women who were pretty horrible to me at school. We've chatted politely and moved on. I've got no interest in pursuing friendships but I'm happy for them that they seem to have grown into normal, happy human beings.

There is one woman however who bullied me so awfully at work that she nearly cost me my life and that of my then-unborn daughter. It's highly likely that I'll bump into her in a industry setting at some point. I'll be loudly telling her what a disgusting bully she is and walking off.

I would just let it go and ignore her. Secondary school is a hideous environment at the best of times and doesn’t bring out the best behaviour in many as the relentless joylessness takes its toll. She’s probably not a terrible person today but you certainly don’t owe her any pleasantries and she’d have to have an awful amount of brass neck to go out of her way to catch your eye.

I met mine once at a train station, she looked a mess. She came over and started being all nice about “hi, do you remember me?” My reply “ yes I recall you, and you look as awful now as you behaved back then” then I got on my train. She was really popular at school and took a lot of pride in roasting the “nerds”. I suffered anxiety for a long time after what she did, so I hope my words still echo round her head.

Ignore her but if she speaks pleasantly to you look her right in the eyes . If she's rude from then on just blank her as if she dosent exist

All this advice to act nonchalant and I would go completely the other way. Walk straight up to her, ‘Hi Miss BullyPants! It’s me, TheGirlYou Bullied!’ So funny running into you!!! What a coiwinkidink! Do you remember how you used to wait after school for me with your girl gang? Yeah fun times. Still, guess we've all moved on huh? So what are you up to now?? Still a bullly? hHAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING.

That oughta make her mortified enough to never come back. Problem solved.

The horrible person who bullied me in sixth form moved away from our area to get with her bf who she met online. Because of covid, she moved back up to the area...I've seen her on the bus, park, beach, prom, library, baby group, sports group, on the streets, it's very triggering as I attempted suicide at 17 because of her.. thankfully she doesn't live right near me so our children don't attend the same school...but it is awkward

The bully who made my life absolute hell for no reason when she was 14 and I was 11, got my job at a firm of insurance brokers after I left for a better paid job elsewhere. I'd worked there for a few years, it was a small office with only two other staff who I got on really well with. It highly amused me to think of her starting there on her first day and finding out just who she'd replaced and the possible fear she might have felt that I could just pop into the office at any time, to say hello to my ex work mates or meet up with them for a night out and fill them in on how I knew her and the terrible things she did to me on the way home from school. So, I never did, because, unlike her, I don't like upsetting and causing distress to other people, which, in my humble opinion, makes me a far better person than her and all the other bullies out there.

Took me ages to realise that some of my behaviour at school would now be labelled as bullying. Completely oblivious that I might be making people miserable. I'll never run in to those people now (and it's been too long so I wouldn't recognise anyone) but if someone said "you made my life hell" I'd apologise. I wasn't a miserable person but I probably thought I was more special than I actually was.

Years ago,I had a gang of school bullies who made my life hell

We all moved up to secondary school and we didn't have much to do with each other,the bullying didn't stop as such but calmed right down

Years pass and my ds started school and promptly became best mates with her ds

I was so super nice to her-it really made her squirm (this killed me-i hated her)

She knew what she'd been and it was killing her that I wasn't sinking to her level so she could blame me and stop the lads being mates (ill give her some due,he's a lovely lad) and she couldn't admit to being a bully

They are now adults and still friends so I don't have much to do with her

You're getting so many very different answers to your question @raspberrycordial.

Blank her

Don't blank her.

Tell her you remember her bullying you and how awful she was.

Don't let on you know she was your bully.

I'm sure you would love a definitive answer from a professional counsellor.

Oops posted too soon.
The one thing I believe about bullies is that they can't be happy in their own life if they have to be nasty to others.
A happy person isn't nasty to others.

This is so true!

I often wonder what it must be like to bump into someone who violently bullied you. My final three years at school were an utter misery thanks to the arseholes in my form group. Thankfully, it never escalated to anything physical, and I never felt hated or rejected. It was just low-level mockery and nastiness.

But I have known men who were badly beaten up by other boys in their teens. That’s different. Imagine having been really badly assaulted (black eyes, teeth knocked out, etc) by another boy when you were 15, then leaving school and not seeing him again until you were, say, 45 and out shopping with your 16-year-old son. You turn the corner of an aisle in Sainsbury’s and bang, your trolley bumps right into his. Awful.

@Hartley99 Yes, the temptation to physically "get your own back" must be overwhelming. Especially if, like me, you have changed somewhat dramatically over the years, both physically and mentally. I was a shy, short, plump, 11 year old and one of Janet's (let's call her Janet cos that's what her name is ha ha - I do hope she's reading this!) favourite taunts was to sing "I'm only a poor little sparrow" into my ear as she spat in my hair and beat me to a pulp on the school bus home every night. It wasn't an even match then, she was 3 years older and a whole lot taller than me, but I'd take her on now, no problem. I shot up, slimmed down and muscled up. How I'd love to have 5 minutes down a dark alleyway with Janet P these days and I can guarantee that I wouldn't be the one coming home covered in blood this time. However, as I said in my earlier post, I won't stoop to their levels and let them turn me into someone as sad and messed up as them, what the heck do these people get out of making other people's lives a misery? Sending love and strength to all those who have been or are the victims of bullying, you are not alone, we are in this together, remember, it's the bullies who have the problem not us!

So what happened in the end OP?