DS14 is ASD and is just impossible at the moment. I know some of it is normal teenage stuff but it is just an awful living situation for all of us. I think there’s some depression going on and I’m trying to get him help for this but he rejects it.
His mood is all over the place. One minute he’s ok , the next he’s screaming blue murder. I don’t get a chance to reason with him because he screams over the top of me or shuts me down. If I leave him to it then go back to him , he shuts down and refuses to talk about things or let me explain so he’s left with lots of negative thoughts and feelings . He’s always been like this .
He’s a good kid generally but his overall presentation towards us is just so negative and I’m honestly at the end of my rope with it. Everything is always an issue.
Earlier, the cat waited at the door meowing to be let out. I was upstairs cleaning and all three DC were downstairs. The two younger boys were eating. DS1 was just watching his iPad. I shouted down to ask DS1 to let the cat out. The door is right next to him.
He text me saying “it’s not my turn” . I told him again a bit more crossly, just let the cat out . It is your turn (he always pulls this one). Again, he ignored me. I had my hands full and told him again, that if I had to come down to let the cat out myself, he’s lost his iPad (because he won’t do anything when he’s on it). By this point the cat was getting frustrated but DS1 still sat there so younger DS got down from the table and let the cat out.
I had to come down and I told DS1 no more iPad because he seems to think he’s devoid from helping at all when he’s on it. Cue the “you all hate me , you’re against me , you’re so nasty”.
I tried to explain that I expect him to help and that I do not like the way he often refuses to help in the hope his younger siblings will get frustrated and do it for him. He would not listen, shot me down and was screaming blue murder at me at how much I hate him and how nasty I am . It’s the same narrative every miserable day when things don’t go his way . When things were quieter, I offered him a hug. He screamed at me saying no I’m nasty and blame him for everything. All of this over letting the bloody cat out. I obviously know there’s more to it, but it’s every time he’s asked to do something he doesn’t want to. He becomes rude, sarcastic and mean.
DH brought him a drink in and asked if he wanted a glass. DS1 now in a stinking mood was rude to him too. DH got cross . I got more cross.
Then it escalated. I am fed up of being spoken to like shit from him. I lost my temper completely and DS is screaming at me. It was chaotic. He then put his foot through the door and I just saw red. I went ballistic and threatened to call the police. I asked him to leave the room so I could fix the door, more refusals and more screaming.
He screamed about how nasty I am, how I’ve made him the way he is. Always the same narrative for as long as he’s been alive. I have been broken by him many times. I screamed back that he was also nasty and destructive (not my finest moment).
I love him more than anything but he is such a difficult person to be around. Negative,
argumentative, sees the bad in everything. It is draining. This is the second huge meltdown he’s had in the last few days. I know something must be going on but he won’t let me near to help. He says what he wants to me and then shuts anything I try to say down by screaming over the top of me.
He now thinks he’s done nothing at all wrong and it’s all me. He’s upset about me threatening to call the police as he “never did anything”. He doesn’t understand why I’m annoyed about the broken door , because it’s his door. He thinks I hate him but won’t let me help change that narrative. Often, his perspective of a situation is so far in to the negative, it can’t be challenged.
I now feel awful and don’t know how to move forward. Has anyone else been in this situation?