Why was I told off for saying 'To whom it may concern' in an email to client's customer?

[autisticconsultant]

Just joined this year

I basically cc'd a customer into an email chain where a bunch of client employees were discussing how to best help the customer

Then some lady from the client complained to my manager and said I shouldn't have

She also said me emailing a pair of managers 'To whom it may concern' sounded frosty and unprofessional (?)

I used 'to whom it may concern' bc my email was addressing a bunch of people in senior positions and I thought it was more professional than going 'Dear X, Dear Y, Dear Z, Dear A' or 'Hi all'

My manager told me that essentially the lady felt annoyed that I gave this client problem without trying to sum up the problem myself and present her with some action points and her complaints re the To whom it may concern email were to do being put off by the massive problem I gave her re the client

“Thanks for your email” isn’t “softening”!

The problem is that for every person who hates the introductory chat there is another who feels it is rude to exclude it. You need to get to know your audience.

The metaproblem, and it's OK that you didn't didn't realise it yet because I'm probably twice your age and only realised myself recently, is that not pissing people off is an important communication skill. As soon as people get pissed off, they stop listening/reading, and it doesn't matter how right you are after that because they are too busy being angry to hear/read the substance of your message.

It takes a trained counsellor or therapist to listen past the annoying/rude/defensive presentation to the substance of the message underneath. Your colleagues, whether neurotypical or "one of us", won't have that skill.

Honestly, apply for Access For Work and ask for autistic coaching as part of that.

Advanced search will help you here.

I didn't use AS - I simply recognised the username from another (equally garbled) thread that I had been reading just before this one.

CBA to look up the other two, but I wouldn't bet on tomorrow being any easier!

another (equally garbled) thread

@FurQuenelle you've made your opinion known. Several times. You're just kicking OP while she's down now.

@Unopenedpackofmenssocks , it's not particularly softening, it's acknowledgement that I received a message, which may have been a reminder.
It's less blunt than'2500', which would answer the question.

The 'hope you had nice weekend' type stuff is unnecessary padding.

I might say
''...
Have a nice weekend,
Kirsten"
but that would probably be if it was an e-mail sent at COB on a Friday.

This is her third or fourth thread about her job today. I am going off information she has provided.

I don't get the chance to because of the type of work I do (think "service desk" interactions for some of it).

When faced with conflicting requests, such as dyslexic people needing to read my email versus self-centred people wanting business emails to acknowledge their private lives, I apply a process known to jurists as lexical prioritisation. I look at which demands are needs and which are nice-to-haves and I put the needs first. Only when all needs are met do I consider any nice-to-haves. If a nice-to-have can't be delivered in a way that works with the needs, it doesn't get delivered.

The cognitive burden to my autistic dyslexic, and second-language-English colleagues and my users with undisclosed autism, dyslexia, and from overseas of "good morning", "thank you for your email" etc is minimal. "How was your weekend?" "Did your daughter's swimming race go well?" is much more of a burden, because it expects a reply as well as being longer. The needs of my autistic, dyslexic, and second-language-English colleagues and users trump the nice-to-haves of people who want everyone else to act like supoorting actors in the soap opera of their lives.

There comes a point at which if someone is pissed off, that is truly a "them" problem.

OP unfortunately you have a very disjointed writing style and I can see you have a habit of missing out prepositions. People are having to decipher your posts rather than just easily reading them. Professional emails need to be clear and concise and you never cc a customer into an existing, internal email.

But this is nothing new in my experience and I have lost count of the times I have received garbled emails that just read like the sender's stream of consciousness.

What is wrong with my communication style/judgement? | Mumsnet
Contains links to OP's other threads.

Not sure I get exactly what you are saying.

Replying to a group of colleagues then try "Dear Colleagues, thanks for the feedback on this problem, I will write to the customer and keep them updated". Letting the customer know...write a new email "Dear Mr / Mrs x, I have consulted with my colleagues and they are considering the following action in relation to your problem".

Dear Sirs…

Really?! Don’t use this. Sexist language has no place now.

Dear all is acceptable.

Not sure I get exactly what you are saying

You're not alone.

Unfortunately, you can't always teach it.

A lot of people aren't capable of understanding.

Is "Dear Sir or Madam" used in hard copy letters still acceptable? I suppose one could put "Dear Madam or Sir" which probably would be noticed.

Wow. I’m not a huge fan of small talk myself but it’s more than a bit rude to accuse people who appreciate it as being selfish, acting out a soap opera and having a problem! Just accept that different people like different approaches, no need for the internalised “fuck you” every time someone asks about your weekend!

That's really bad. It's not for a client to read through an internal discussion. It should have been a separate email completely from you to them, summarising the options that arose from your internal conversation.

I agree 'to whom it may concern' sounds awful too.

If you CC’d a client on an internal email at my work, you’d be out the door as a breach.

To whom it may concern is not good English at work. It is completely unnecessary. And I am autistic too OP so I coming from that side of things as well

Every company I have worked with has a tone of voice document which gives a steer on how communications should be worded. Maybe check if your company has one and align your written and verbal communication to that

I didn't even know that TWIMC was that bad!

I'm autistic AND lazy and I can string a sentence together, so I don't think they're your defence tbh OP

'To whom it may concern' is not a phrase I'd ever use in an email; I get you were using it as a phrase for addressing a large group of people, but that's not its purpose, and it does sound rather cold or like whoever you are addressing is not important, I'm afraid.

You just illustrated perfectly my earlier point of how when people get offended they stop reading the substance of the message.

Everything I said about lexically prioritising the needs of people with the protected characteristics of "disability" and "race" under Equality Act 2010 over the wants of people who want small talk passed you straight by because you were so busy frothing about how I described the small-talk-wanters. You didn't acknowledge my material point in the slightest because I chose to vent here about something that I cannot vent about at work.

What does this mean? ‘My manager told me that essentially the lady felt annoyed that I gave this client problem’ . I know you have repeated in twice but it makes no sense to me. Are you sure this is grammatically correct?

Also never forward an email thread to outside agencies/ customers. If I was your manager I’d be annoyed too.

if you are addressing multiple people the Dear All would be fine.

I agree it was tricky to follow the OP but for those not familiar with the business sector I am assuming OP is a management consultant.

She is working for a "client" (e.g. a bank).

The client/bank needs help with its customers.

So OP copied into an email someone from the project on the bank side (as opposed to the consultant firm side). This email was previously just between consultants in the firm. The email was talking about the problem with the bank's customers.

For the OP - as a management consultant your communication skills are essential. You need to be able to get the message across clearly and concisely. In this case, you should have summarized the RELEVANT points from the email conversation. And as a short intro, given the context.

E.g. Dear Ms Client (bank), dear all,

Conerning the difficulties in retaining the ABC sector of customers at B Bank, we have done X, Y and Z and identified the following issues:
...
...
...

Then say what is the next step (who needs to do what and when).

Invite others to add something if relevant.

Polite sign off

Nope. I read and absorbed everything you said. You could easily have made the same points without being rude.