Would you have spent more or less on your wedding?

[NoImRenlea]

H2B and I are fortunate to be able to afford a nice wedding but i am wondering if we’d regret spending so much money. We already own a house and have children who are saving for too, and they already have good inheritances from other family members saved away.

one venue I have seen I absolutely love but it’s at the top of what I’d comfortably spend. But the cheaper options look a bit sad compared to the lush venue.

we are the last ones of our friends to get married so everyone would be really up for the party, and I want a big thing celebrating with everyone

we’d still have money in savings leftover after and none on credit cards etc

did anyone regret spending money on a wedding? Or wish you’d spent more?

I wished I spent less. Pretty soon after TBH. When we had kids, I wished we could've put what was spent to better use.

There was a lot of keeping up with other friends weddings with our wedding. I was the first daughter getting married so my parents pushed for a big wedding. Exh also wanted a big do. I just wanted a small, family only wedding.

He fucked off and started shagging someone else. So now I resent every penny spent on the day and resent even spending the money on divorce. If he wants it, he can fucking pay for it.

I never wanted to spend anything on our wedding. My DM wanted it. Cost 3k in 1984. The only money we had. I regretted it then but not now.

it seems that a big wedding is important to you and you have the money so go for it.

I also spent about 3k in 1989 - back then, that was big bucks, especially as I'd had my wedding dress made by a dressmaker, the flowers were done by "a lady in the village", and the cake by another "lady in the village". All the money was spent on 60 guests in the most beautiful country manor hotel, with fabulous fabulous food. And a very good photographer.

Didn't regret it then, don't regret it now (DH died 3 years later).

Second wedding to DH2 was 15 years ago, and again spent a lot of money on the venue/food/drink. Everything was great, but with well over 100 people there it became far more like a party, and less like a wedding. Very different feeling, and hand on heart couldn't say I didn't regret the numbers invited.

So my advice would be to go for the venue as it will truly be memorable, but don't have so many people there that it loses that special feeling.

If you have the money spend it! I am planning my wedding (50yrs old - second marriage) and not going to regret a penny.

I loved my first wedding too - 1/4 cost of this one. But it fitted my budget at the time.

Memories are priceless. But - only spend money on things that matter to you - if you couldn't care less about flowers spend less, if music is your thing - spend there.

If you can afford the one you want then go for it, but do be aware that other costs can jump up higher than you expect so I'd only go for one at the top of my budget if I was ok expanding the budget for everything else if I needed to.

We budgeted £5k for our wedding (with a venue that was actually free, but their caterers from the attached restaurant were around £2k) and came in at just under £7k in the end (just coming up on our 6th anniversary on 5th May).

But we had a lovely day and I still think of our venue fondly. I have some regrets about our day (mainly guest based) but the venue we chose and the money we spent on everything aren't in that list.

We spent less on our wedding (£5K abroad) as we preferred to spend money paying off our mortgage rather than spending it on a wedding

Not necessarily! I adore DH, and our relationship (which started in 1992) is hugely important to me, but the day we got married certainly wasn’t the most important day of my life or anywhere near. We just took two witnesses down to the register office and went for lunch afterwards. Even including an excellent champagne, it was about £400.

Everything was great, but with well over 100 people there it became far more like a party, and less like a wedding.

We actually wanted big garden party rather than a formal wedding reception. I remember somebody commenting that she didn’t realise that you could do weddings like that.

The venue looks stunning 💕

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong. I would set a budget you’re happy with and stick to it though x

Ours was 20k my parents paid for it all. They have a six figure salary and paid off mortgage decades ago, so it really wasn't an issue. I appreciate we were very lucky, and if we'd had to pay for it ourselves would have downscaled.

We spent about £5k 20 years ago and very carefully made choices. We had an epic venue, free bar of lovely wine and mineral water, decent champagne for the toast, a farm shop did the catering (including canapés) and we had a live band.

Saved money on a dress from monsoon, rings from H Samuel, drove ourselves, loads of candles for decorations, mum made a random bouquet from the florist that morning, and we only had a two day honeymoon. Plus only one bridesmaid who chose her own dress that we paid for. It was perfect!

We spent a reasonable amount a long time ago (20+ years): nice venue with lovely gardens, amazing live band, good food, stunning cake, lovely dress, a few gorgeous cars. But focused our money on what was important to us and did a few diy/simple on other things (flower centre pieces were very simple and diy; church flowers were by one of the church florists as they were going to stay at the church etc. if I was doing it again now I’d go less polished and more informal/homemade, but at the time we had the money, we didn’t have loads of time and I don’t regret any of it. I loved the day and have such lovely memories and photos. That said, the memories are not of the ‘stuff’ they are of how it all felt: to be so happy and surrounded by so much love and support.

We spent less than 1k, had an amazing day but one thing I wish we had was a photographer but we simply couldn't afford one and I'll treasure the photos we do have!

Oh and I think I’ve been to a wedding at the ‘cheaper’ of your two venues! It was the most horrendous weather but the bride was gorgeous and my recall is that the venue was fine: certainly as a guest I had a lovely time (food was excellent iirc) the other looks stunning. But it looks spendy!!

Forget all the trimmings and just make sure there is plenty of good food and drink and music.
Your guests will be delighted and will say for years what a great wedding it was.

There’s no point having money if you don’t enjoy any of it because you’re too worried about squirrelling it away. We spent about £40k and don’t regret any of it. We had a small wedding (34 guests) and paid for our guests’ travel to and accommodation on a private estate for a weekend and keeping them dined and wined whilst there, which was important for us. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend money than an amazing happy celebration in a beautiful place with all of the people who I love the most and who make my life what it is. Our guests agree: everyone still talks about it and tells other people.

It’s really worth thinking carefully about how much you value the different aspects of the day you want to provide and what you assume you need because you’ve seen it at other weddings or the planner has it on their schedule but probably don’t, or what you simply don’t care about. One of the things about having our wedding where we did was that it really helped us strip out a lot of the superfluous nonsense which costs a fortune, and wedding planners / venues / influencers convince you you need, but which nobody actually cares about or notices. Everyone and everything had to go in and out of our venue by chartered helicopter, so there was no room for faff. We didn’t have flowers or a DJ or make up artists or a professional photographer or professional decor and I’m really glad: it’s stuff that would have added thousands to our bill but is never really what you or your guests will remember. People remember great food and drink, a venue they feel comfortable and relaxed in, a joyful atmosphere, and feeling a part of the entire wedding, not just a bystander.

Just spend it if you can easily afford it + you have found your ideal venue and would not be looking forward to your wedding as much if you selected a more budget option. It sounds like you are in a stable financial position to enjoy a bit of luxury.
We spent approx. £4k which was the perfect amount for us. We could have spent more but neither of us could bring our self to for the sake of a day. It was enough to make it special (with really amazing food) but not enough to make me recoil in horror at the waste if we were to ever divorce. We spent more than double that on our honeymoon, which is where we wanted to spend the money...3 weeks of epic adventure!

With hindsight I probably wouldn’t have bothered at all. Still very happy with dh, but other than the odd legal ramification I feel no great need to be married.
I mean, the day was ok but both of us hate being the centre of attention, it pissed with rain and the official photographs could have been a lot better.

We had a modest enough wedding but it was still at a gorgeous venue, small guest numbers and I cut out a lot of the trimmings typically associated with weddings but it still ran to about 5k - we had paid for that but took out a loan for a nicer holiday than usual for our honeymoon. DH was told he was losing his job of 15 years the week before the wedding. So thankfully we weren't fucked financially.

As beautiful as our wedding was on the day, it was marred by extremely poor behaviour from a few extended relatives and it tainted our wedding memories. In some small way it's a solace that I didn't get myself 20k in debt to endure that. It's a grudge I'll bear to the grave.

Siblings all had the typical Irish wedding of 150-200 guests at theirs and each person in those couples all said that if they were to do it again with hindsight, they would do much smaller occasions.

A friend of mine spent £40k around 11 years ago and did regret that she'd got carried away. The wedding was beautiful mind

We managed to only spend around £5k on a traditional church and hotel reception wedding 15 years ago, however, if I had my time again I'd use the money to elope abroad or have a very small wedding and the rest on a holiday. I didn't like our wedding, it wasn't us at all, thankfully like the husband so it's only the wedding I'd change

I would go abroad and do it with just your immediate family . Don't spend money on feeding other people.

Ours was a 100 odd people, registry office, in our early 40s and he'd been married before. Fairly laid back and dinner at a nice local restaurant.

Things I am glad we spent money on and would have spent even more in retrospect, food and drink. That is keeping the guests happy.

Things I wish we hadn't bothered with - the wedding photographer, snaps from friends were better and more reflective of the more laid back nature of the wedding.

Things I was happy with - I got an off the peg wedding dress from Debenhams in the sale and dh got a suit he could wear again.

I love the fact that @ComtesseDeSpair had a pared back wedding with helicopters - chapeau!

I absolutely love that a chartered helicopter didn’t get cut out of the superfluous stuff 😆

this sounds amazing and something we’d consider, please could you PM me where you did it?