I'm shallow and I hate it

[Bebedoo]

Went for a few days away with my DP last week and looking back I realise since he has gone completely bald, I've taken no photos of us together. I hate writing this but I am suddenly very aware of how much I value appearances. We've had sex once since he cut all of his hair and it really freaked me out, like he wasn't the same person. Is it that I'm awful or is it that I don't love him enough to not let this be a big thing?

Do you look just the same since you got together?

Any real help would be appreciated. I really can't help feeling this way and chances are if I'd read someone write this in the past I would be very judgemental. I absolutely don't want to feel this way.

You too will lose your youthful good looks.
Hopefully he thinks of you as more than a trophy to display to the world.

How long have you been together?

I for one am glad we've grown old together. I certainly have and if DH still looked the same as he did at 20 when we got together, it wouldn't feel right. We have children that age now!

Either you haven't been together that long, or you've drifted apart and secretly feel.you can do better.

I think your own judgment towards yourself is making it harder to overcome the feeling. Its normal to feel this when there is this big change in appearance. let yourself feel this, let it go through yoi and you'll naturally move on and find new things that will make him attractive again in your eyes. Just takes some time

I get you. My partner has put on a lot of weight, I know he looks pretty bad and i don't feel good walking with him anymore.

Is it that I'm awful or is it that I don't love him enough to not let this be a big thing?

Could be both.

See...balding is quite different to putting on weight. There isn't ANYTHING to be done about male pattern baldness.

You said cut it off so has he shaved his hair and it's grownable or he's going bald so he's cut it short so it looks better?

But look, if you don't fancy him and you can't get over it, then yeah I think you don't love him enough. If you loved him enough, I think you'd be more accepting that you both change on the outside but he's still the same guy inside.

You're allowed to dump him for any reason

When my (now ex but not for this reason) had alopecia and lost all his hair including body hair I'm afraid as much as I loved him he made my skin crawl. I fought it hard but it was tough. And that's the first time I've ever admitted it!

You can't help how you feel. I don't really think it's awful or shallow. But how much you value him and the relationship, hair aside, is the thing to think about. The fact that you feel guilty suggests to me that you still care about him. If that's the case, work on your acceptance of his ageing, same way you might work on accepting your own.

No one can trade on their looks for their entire lives. We age, we change, we get wrinkles, we go bald. There has to be something else. There has to be depth and other traits we are proud of, respect and find attractive.

If it's all for the imagery it's going to feel every bit as one dimensional as that is.

I sometimes wonder if people who have always been average or plain (like me) have an easier time with growing older. You can't struggle to hold on to something you've never relied on anyway.

@Bebedoo, @SleepingStandingUp asked if that's he's cut it all off so it looks bald?

Has he noticed you're acting differently? I always preferred ex's hair longer but he'd periodically shave it off (cathartic, apparently), usually after we've had an argument, I used to raise an eyebrow.

Thanks for responses all. Im feeling like all those little annoyances I could ignore before are just intensified. It doesn't suit him at all. I look at some bald men and it just works for them. I think today I've been prompted by looking at some photos of only 2 months ago when he looked so different.

He shaved it all off as he's thinning in some patches. I honestly didn't think it was worth shaving all off right now though. He's early 30s so I guess I thought he wouldn't do this until a bit later.

He must notice I've been acting differently but I don't know if hes linked it to this.

I love all this I am peri shit .
You women are putting us back 50 years .
We are weak /peri /we need special treatment .
Fuck that !We are strong women -we can run rings round men -we have opportunities our mothers could never have dreamed of and we need to stop being victims of hormones !
We are the lucky generation !

😂

Huh?

Sincere apologies posted on wrong thread x

🤣

Bloody wine after 4 week diet - sorry

I feel the same way about my bf lately he’s decided to get a mullet and I hate it sometimes makes me cringe and I don’t want him to go near me it is shallow of me but sometimes you can’t help it how you feel he said he ‘ wants to look different than everybody else ‘ but in my head he’s done it to get at me

Might take a while to get used to it, or ask him to grow it back, say it doesn't suit him like that. Growing bald gradually (so you get used to it) is not the same as suddenly having a shaved head! Dye your hair pink and see what he thinks!

Ooh Christ a mullet- that’d be a deal breaker for me! 🥴

A mullet is a temporary thing. It's a hairdo.

It's nothing like going bald through no fault of your own.

@Bebedoo I've lost all my hair, completely Bald, and my Husband still loves Me and finds me attractive.

I find this post really awful actually, looks aren't everything and IMO yes you are shallow, and mean.