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Original poster

Do you have a best friend?

97 replies

mermaidin · 19/04/2024 08:40

Just turned 39 three days ago I feel it gave me some wisdom and a mature outlook 🤣.
My mum says it's to do with the zodiac, I'm not convinced 🤨 but it would be nice if it's true!
Anyway, it made me think...
I don't really have a 'best friend'. I know that's a juvenile term but my siblings all have one. The one who's basically part of the family and whom we all love. But I don't have such a person.
I have friend sure, but not on the same level.
I wish I did. I'd love to. My life has meant a lot of moving around so friends come and go. Some I'm closer with of course. But I don't have 'the one' bestie. I thought I did a long time ago but life happened and we're not close anymore.
I'm slightly jealous of my sisters and their 'best friends', who are essentially closer to them than I am as they spend more time with them.
It's fine, I love their friends too, well apart from one but anyway! It made me wonder..
Do most people have a 'best friend'?

OP posts:
Original poster
mermaidin · 19/04/2024 14:40

WonderingAboutBabies · 19/04/2024 13:27

As cringe as it is, my DH is one of my best friends. Apart from him, I have 5.
We are each other's best friends so we are a tightly knit group. All live all over the country but have a group chat which is active daily, and see each other as much as we can. Very close with each other's families, other halves, etc.

It's not cringe. It's quite lovely. I think most people would like that.
Living in London it's lonely and we have nothing to show for it as I don't imagine I'll ever be able to own in London

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 19/04/2024 14:44

Yes I have lots of very close friends but 2 who are definitely best friends. I love them more than I love my own sister. I would do anything for them and they would do the same for me. They are my people, my
soul mates and I am very lucky to have them

Holstomorrow · 19/04/2024 16:17

I don’t have an official best friend - although like previous posters have said, I think my husband fulfils this role on the whole. When I was at school I was incredibly close to my “best friend” and we have stayed good friends throughout the years (now mid 50s), but we moved to different parts of the country when we were in our 30s and, although we WhatsApp quite a lot and meet up once or twice a year, I don’t think it would be accurate to say we are best friends any more. At university I had a different best friend, and we really were very close, but I’ve noticed over the years that she refers to quite a few people as her “bestie” - whereas for me there can be only one! And it’s not her any more, I think she prefers other people over me and anyway we live too far apart and just got too busy to sustain it. (I still really like her and enjoy it when we get together - once or twice a year). I have a handful of local friends that I am close to, but none of them are my best friend. I like them all in their own way, but I think I’m now too fussy to commit to any one friend in particular. Since having my own family I haven’t felt the need for a best friend to be honest.

Thehalls191 · 19/04/2024 16:57

I had 2. Best friends for 25 years. Last year one of them decided she was no longer feeling it anymore and cut us both out. It was incredibly painful, it still us. So that leaves 2 of us. Every time we meet it just feels a bit sad, like someone's died. We don't know how to be just a 2.

BannnnaSplit · 19/04/2024 16:58

I'm 46. No best friend, sadly, although it's something I'd love to have and treasure more than anything!
As a hairdresser for so many years, I've never been short of work colleague friendships, even clients... and old school pals too ...
Over time, throughout various areas of my life. I accumulated a host of great friends some of which became " besties" . I've been a good loyal friend to them, always there, always ready to support them etc... but ( and it's a big BUT) I rarely found friends that treat me as well as I treat others. When my luck was down, if I was feeling not so good humoured, illness or life drama... the times you love a friend to cheer you up... there was rarely anything. In the end- as I've grown older and stronger, I find myself just having acquaintances that pop in and out of life with no expectations. It's easier and less exhausting than feeling so disappointed when you're let down!
Maybe I'm too sensitive,??
Anyway- I'm still quietly searching to find a bestie ....
in the meantime, I'll continue to be kind and considerate... but on the understanding that not everyone holds the same values and I'm careful not to get hurt.

I really do hope you find someone too that will appreciate you and appreciate your friendship!! Don't give up hope x

Fluffywigg · 19/04/2024 17:02

PaperStarred · 19/04/2024 08:44

No, and I always think it’s a sign of a slightly juvenile personality in those who do.

What a bizzare way to think…

adviceneeded1990 · 19/04/2024 17:03

I have a best friend who I’ve known since we were 3. Always been very close, she’s more like family really. I then have a small group of 3 of us that have been close friends since our teens. And a separate close friendship group of a few of us who have worked together for years. Others are all just acquaintances/DHs friends wives etc. Female friendship is important to me but I very much value quality over quantity. I’ve always had smaller group/individual friendships rather than one huge group of friends.

ringoffiire · 19/04/2024 17:08

PaperStarred · 19/04/2024 08:44

No, and I always think it’s a sign of a slightly juvenile personality in those who do.

I kind of agree with this to be honest.

I don't have anyone I would call my 'best friend'... but I don't really have any friends who have other 'best friends' either.

In my experience mature adults don't really single each other out/ label each other as 'best friends', they just show it through their actions and are there for each other when needed.

I have plenty of friends I can call on and vice versa, and I'm very happy with that.

Fartooold · 19/04/2024 17:09

I have close friends, but then I have a best friend.
I have been friends with her for 54 years 😵

We talk 3 or 4 times a year, WhatsApp each other a maximum of 6 times a year, but we meet up, just the two of us every year, in a lodge with a hot tub, lots of food and several bottles of wine, and she is still the only person I am completely 'me' with.

We know the bones of each other and still love one another, no matter what 🙂

Penguinsa · 19/04/2024 17:10

I would say its DH - have other long-term friends but moved a long way away from where I grew up and very different lives and little in common, in touch with some from uni and several for 30 odd years but several live in different countries, they are all great though. And going through cancer met so many lovely people through that and various others from work and interests. I do find one close friendship too intense for me sometimes though can see it could be lovely.

Penguinsa · 19/04/2024 17:12

My DH is part of a big group of about 30 that have been together since school but is French and from an area few people move away from.

Fartooold · 19/04/2024 17:12

And I don't understand why the closest friend you will ever have is anymore juvenile than having a husband😏

Different kind of love, but still the strong, unbreakable bond.

Original poster
mermaidin · 19/04/2024 18:03

Reading all the replies has been lovely!
Thank you all for your input.

I think it's great. My sister's bestie is essentially a part of the family. I don't really like her but She's nice enough.
It's all very interesting.

OP posts:
PaperStarred · 19/04/2024 18:31

Fartooold · 19/04/2024 17:12

And I don't understand why the closest friend you will ever have is anymore juvenile than having a husband😏

Different kind of love, but still the strong, unbreakable bond.

It’s the appellation that’s juvenile. ‘Bestie’ is from the worldview of a 13 year old.

PaperStarred · 19/04/2024 18:32

PaperStarred · 19/04/2024 18:31

It’s the appellation that’s juvenile. ‘Bestie’ is from the worldview of a 13 year old.

Show quote history

And marriages aren’t necessarily any more ‘unbreakable’ than friendships.

AFreshCleanStart · 19/04/2024 18:33

No I don't. I think the last time I had someone I considered a best friend was my early twenties. It makes me sad, but cest la vie at almost 40

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 19/04/2024 18:43

Yes a very special friend, like a sister to me. I’m like her annoying, younger sister. 😳🤣She is a little older than me, but we would and have done anything for eachother. I’ve helped her through DV, divorce, I’ve given her a financial gift so she can buy a new home, I’m close with her DM (who also helped), through the loss of our dads.

I have a handful of close friends, but none like her. I’d give her a kidney.

I have a lot of other acquaintances I would say… that pretend to know me/ be my best mate as DH does something that involves the public. I can’t stand it though, I’m a home bird mostly.

Tootytoot78 · 19/04/2024 18:46

I met my best friend 60 years ago at junior school, we have been through boyfriends, weddings, divorces, births and deaths together.
We are complete opposites of one another, but it works for us and have met up regularly with other school friends for years.
Now my lovely big hearted, clever and funny friend has stage 4 ovarian cancer and is not expected to last another month.
There will be a massive shaped 'Bestie' hole in my life when she passes, but I am so very glad we met and I have felt incredibly blessed to have her as my friend.
And I have told her so.

Fartooold · 19/04/2024 19:21

PaperStarred · 19/04/2024 18:31

It’s the appellation that’s juvenile. ‘Bestie’ is from the worldview of a 13 year old.

Show quote history

Never in my life said 'bestie'

She is my best friend. The best friend I will ever have.

And no, along with marriage, nothing is guaranteed, but I count myself to be luckily to have had both.

I just don't understand the distain....

It's fine not to have that close relationship, but why be snotty about us that do?

CautiousOptimist · 19/04/2024 19:32

I have lots of wonderful friends from different bits of my life and who have enriched my life no end.
I don't have a 'best friend' because I'm not 12. I did have one when I was 12, and I think many 'best friends' might date back to that time in someone's life.
I think I'd find it suffocating at this point (I'm 42), and can't say I wish I had a best friend. Possibly because, like other posters, I like doing some things (eg. theatre or an exhibition) on my own sometimes.
I'm also lucky enough to have a wonderful sister, so I don't need a friend as close as a sister in my life.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 19/04/2024 19:38

@PaperStarred

And marriages aren’t necessarily any more ‘unbreakable’ than friendships.

It's sad to have to think this but I do worry when people say that their DH is the only friend they need. I think most people need a range of friends of different levels of closeness.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 19/04/2024 19:42

CautiousOptimist · 19/04/2024 19:32

I have lots of wonderful friends from different bits of my life and who have enriched my life no end.
I don't have a 'best friend' because I'm not 12. I did have one when I was 12, and I think many 'best friends' might date back to that time in someone's life.
I think I'd find it suffocating at this point (I'm 42), and can't say I wish I had a best friend. Possibly because, like other posters, I like doing some things (eg. theatre or an exhibition) on my own sometimes.
I'm also lucky enough to have a wonderful sister, so I don't need a friend as close as a sister in my life.

I think you and I have a very different idea of the meaning of a best friend . My best friend is my oldest and closest friend - but we most certainly don't do everything together . I have several other friends that I meet up with regularly and also spend time with my family - as does she.

NahNeedsGarlic · 19/04/2024 19:45

Yes, I married mine!
Best friends first, the romance came later.

ShirleyPhallus · 19/04/2024 19:46

NahNeedsGarlic · 19/04/2024 19:45

Yes, I married mine!
Best friends first, the romance came later.

Edited

Bleugh 🤮🤮🤮

(😆)

KitKatChunki · 19/04/2024 19:47

Yes, as a single mum I've had to do a Will recently and named my 2 best friends as guardian for DC. They will also get everything if DC die and they survive me. Making a will puts a lot into sharp focus!