Do you have a best friend?

[mermaidin]

Just turned 39 three days ago I feel it gave me some wisdom and a mature outlook 🤣.
My mum says it's to do with the zodiac, I'm not convinced 🤨 but it would be nice if it's true!
Anyway, it made me think...
I don't really have a 'best friend'. I know that's a juvenile term but my siblings all have one. The one who's basically part of the family and whom we all love. But I don't have such a person.
I have friend sure, but not on the same level.
I wish I did. I'd love to. My life has meant a lot of moving around so friends come and go. Some I'm closer with of course. But I don't have 'the one' bestie. I thought I did a long time ago but life happened and we're not close anymore.
I'm slightly jealous of my sisters and their 'best friends', who are essentially closer to them than I am as they spend more time with them.
It's fine, I love their friends too, well apart from one but anyway! It made me wonder..
Do most people have a 'best friend'?

Does it have to be either or? It isn't one friend to the exclusion of all else

I have some very good female friends, but I wouldn't call any of them a "best friend".

No. I'm a very unlikeable person.

Yes, I’ve always had a ‘best friend’ that I’m especially close to. That person has changed many times over the years, so we might be best friends for 6 years, then a different friend will take over for a few years etc.

My most special ‘best friend’ was a girl I went to school with, we lived together for many years in our 20s, she came on all my family holidays and was very much my right arm. Sadly she has a very rare form of dementia that led to her being sectioned at 30. Whilst she is physically alive, her brain is basically dead. We are only 34.

Another friend has stepped into the ‘best friend’ shoes, but I don’t think I will ever have a best friend quite like her again.

I have about 5/6 who I feel are my best friends. They aren’t one group but they are all friendships that will last a lifetime with roots that will weather pretty much anything. The one thing they all have in common is that I met them all before or when I was 21 between secondary school, college and university.

I find the idea of having one best friend a bit intense and like it ranks friendships in a way I find difficult but I totally works for some people.

@PaperStarred wow bit judgey there?

I am confused as to how you likened someone to having a best friend to then having a juvenile personality?

I have four, although they're not 'part of the family'. We've all met each other's families at various occasions and make a point of speaking to them at large gatherings, but we struggle to see each other enough let alone having hangers on 😂

Thinking about it, maybe I'm thinking of the wrong family in a way - I was thinking our parents and siblings but our kids love each other and husbands get along.

We're busy and most of us live further apart these days, so not in each other's pockets, bur we've always supported each other through our worst times and celebrated our best. I imagine we always will.

One

I consider her my sister from another mister

With my oldest / closest friend I can talk to her about most things and we do each other favours if and when we can, but I don't think of her as a sister and we can go weeks without being in contact.

My best friend is more like the sister I have never had. We can have big gaps between seeing each other and never run out of things to say. We met at 11, lived on the same street, went to school every day together, were in the same class but didn’t sit next to each other. We have so many shared memories of teen years and the good, bad and ugly. I have been very fortunate to have her in my life. We are different in some ways but both love music. She is always the person I know I can talk to when times are tough and has my back.

I feel sad for my daughter. She’s had terrible friends who let her down badly and now doesn’t really have any at all. She has always really wanted that one best friend.

Yes, we’re 48, met at primary school aged 4.

She’s lived with me when a rental fell through, taken care of my DD when I’ve had stuff on, supported me through my dad being on end of life during the pandemic, and I’ve supported her through a miscarriage.

She’s driven over to my house at 3am and taken time off work when I was suffering with panic disorder, and I’ve done middle of the night runs with meds and supplies when she had Covid.

We’ve mopped up each others tears on too many occasions to mention and also had more cracking trips and nights out than I can count!

I'm an only child so her friendship means the world to me.

Quite. The ability to sustain long term, reciprocal, supportive close friendships with people seems the exact opposite of juvenile to me. It indicates emotional maturity and emotional intelligence to me.

@Moonlitwalk exactly.
@PaperStarred ridiculous thing to think.

My best friend by an absolute country mile is my DH.

No and never have. Moved around as a child (and adult) and poor skills at maintaining relationships.

Yes I do. She and her family are part of my family- go to family parties, on holiday with us etc.

I have a best friend - we met age 17 and are now approaching our 60s! However, there have been many years during that time when we haven't been particularly close due to relationships and children, particularly I think as we had families at different times in our lives so both had other friends who we had more in common with at the time. I think we reconnected again properly around 12 years ago.

Yes, I do - we met at the school gates 38 years ago. We meet a few times a week for a long walk and go to the cinema, theatre etc. I'm also close to my sister.

I'm mystified by the apparent hostility to those who have a bestie, references to juvenile, school cliques etc. A best friend is not something you engineer or aim to have, it just develops, like other friendships do.

😊 I'm sure that's not true

My DP has been my best friend for decades but I still have a stalwart from age 7 who remains my oldest and best female friend I know she'd do anything to help me if I needed it and vice versa.

Yes and have been for nearly 30 years. She is like family.

I did, but since I stopped playing games of conkers and cats cradle and running about whooping like some of those indigious people of North America did in western films, I don't seem to have a best friend now. 🙁

Perhaps I should restart some of those things?
Now where's my string?
"Whooo" (just practising).

I have two best friends. One of those has another two best friends. But we'd say close friends really. They are the kind of people I could talk to about any problem and they could with me. I have other friends but I wouldn't think for example I could tell them I had an argument with my husband or needed a favour.

I did until I got married then she pretty much ghosted me 😞 I tried several times to message and just couldn't understand why she did what she did. Took off with an (undesirable) guy from my place of work - she met at one of our many evening drinks gathering which I invited her to.. then pfft! Gone! When I turned 40 and was knee deep in nappies with baby no.2 I got a birthday message from a number I didn't recognise - it was her, years later. I was baffled and responded with thanks for the message, who is this? No response.. then the mobile number clicked in my head. To be honest too much time had passed for me, she missed the birth of both my babies, I'd have loved her to be part of that. Anyway, over 50 now, what's done is done. Never let anyone get close since and wouldn't want a best friend after that.

As cringe as it is, my DH is one of my best friends. Apart from him, I have 5.
We are each other's best friends so we are a tightly knit group. All live all over the country but have a group chat which is active daily, and see each other as much as we can. Very close with each other's families, other halves, etc.