How to tell (ask?) new colleague not to shorten my name

[StormKate]

I've started working with someone who's started shortening my name and it's not that common a name in its shortened form. How do I not sound like an arse asking for the long version? The short version is soooo old somehow and just not me. But I'm awkward and need a Mumsnet one liner to cut it dead before I'm known as this name forever and it spreads.

I had this, but in a new job, a couple of people started using a shortened version of my name that I really hate, and I blurted out in a team Zoom call with 30 people, "Actually I really don't like 'Cath', please call me Catherine'. I cringe a little bit when I remember it, as there was a bit of an awkward silence, especially as a very senior person was the one who'd just used 'Cath'. But I had to do it, as at senior school a long time ago, a teacher had started calling me 'Cath' and I was too shy to correct her. So I vowed never to allow it again, as an adult.

It mostly worked but every now and again someone would email me, 'Hi Cath' and I'd have to explain in a friendly tone and they were always apologetic in reply.

Why do people do it? I'd never shorten someone's name if I hadn't heard others do it, or the person themselves.

(It's not actually Cath/Catherine)

Take a leaf out of my dds book- "that's not my name" hard stare, 'my name is ..."

She cracked this pretty much as soon as she could talk, and the only people who have ever shortened it have been arseholes.

I would also suggest- on your email signature and work directory put "Jennifer (known as Jennifer)"
People who aren't sure/are attuned to these things will know how to address you.

Keep repeating- it’s Angela/Christine/Susan- until they get sick of being corrected.

My 8 year old son hates it when people shorten his name! If he had his way everyone would address him by his full name (last and middle) 😂 obviously he has no problem telling people 😂. You can just tell them, I really don't like my name shortened. Or if u want to be really childish shorten there name to something ridiculous, they'll get the message 😂

It doesn't matter what he's used to calling other people.
Your name is StormKate, so he should call you StormKate.

Don't apologise, don't mind your tone.
just state, simply, "my name is StormKate"
You don't need to embellish or reason. Your name is your name.
It's disrespectful for people to call you anything else if you haven't said it's okay.

"My name is StormKate. "

Some of the suggestions sound pretty arsey to me. I’d definitely say it in a really nice way, especially since it sounds like she genuinely doesn’t know that you don’t like the abbreviation.

“Ah sorry btw I’ve never liked the name xxx, would you mind calling me XXX please? Thanks so much!”

I’d just be cas and cheerful like that. Any normal person will then start calling you the correct name.

If she doesn’t, THEN you can start getting arsey, but there’s no reason to assume she won’t comply.

Yes, because shortening a new colleague’s name unasked isn’t already arsey behaviour. No wonder so many Mners spend years festering because they are more worried about ‘looking arsey’ than prioritising their own needs.

Personally I’d not do it, but it doesn’t make somebody automatically an arse just because they’ve shortened your name.

They might just think they’re being friendly and personable. Nobody’s perfect, everybody has bad habits and can misjudge situations.

This person is most likely perfectly decent and will only need telling (nicely) one time in order to stop doing it.

You can very easily prioritise your needs and be assertive without being an arse in situations like this. In fact, it’s more assertive to be pleasant and friendly in your request than being curt and aggressive, because all that shows is insecurity and lack of emotional regulation.

Obviously if you ask nicely and they don’t listen, it’s different.

I get this all the time.

“My mum always said if she wanted me to be called Josie that’s what she would have called me. I know Josephine is bit of a mouthful but everyone gets used to it”.

I get so fucking annoyed when I introduce myself as ‘Josephine’ and I get ‘I’ll call you Jose/Josie/Jay/Posie’ or ‘What do people call you?’

please can you call me Sandra, I really don't like Sandy.' Smile while you say it, and keep your tone light.

That. In fact that's word for word what my colleague David said when I called him Dave. I felt awkward for about five seconds, apologised briefly, and called him David from then on. He became my best work friend, so it certainly didn't cause any hard feelings.

I have a related issue - using Cath/Catherine as per your example. I don't mind being called Cath informally or by people who know me well, but I hate it being used as if it's my actual name.

My name is quite unusual, and there isn't a specific accepted shortening of it, so I just tend to get called by the first bit - think more Eleanor/El. So in a work setting, I would always introduce myself as Eleanor, and other than signing off friendly/informal emails as El, I would always write my name as Eleanor.

I have a colleague, who I'm not actually friendly with, who puts my name down as El whatever the context e.g. please contact El Smith, El Smith is responsible for this etc. It really bugs me but she's a mardy cow and I can't be bothered to correct her as she'll no doubt make snidey comments about it to other people!

I’m not suggesting anyone be anything other than civil. I’m criticising posts which appear to think the key issue here is doing big smiles and attempting to be disarming when asking for someone not to do something annoying. There are always a significant minority of Mners who think the most important thing is not to ‘look humourless’ when it comes to a completely ordinary request to a colleague. I’m sure the name-shortening colleague does mean well.

You should do big smile and disarming, unless you don't care what anyone thinks of you...

Examples like: Please call me Eleanor. Thanks.

As suggested are so unnecessarily abrasive. People do not talk to each other like robots in real life

Do this but also be ready to move on with something. So answer their question or ask them one about eg. The weekend plans

Or my name is stormkate, do you have a preferred shortening or do you prefer the long form of your name?

StormKate was from the recent Storm Kathleen and my grandma was a Kathleen/ Kate but my real name has indeed been mentioned. I'm not that exciting to share it but perfect examples given. I emailed him and said "Sorry to ask but I'm actually a Kathleen not a kate ". He apologised profusely and gave me permission to call him whatever I like 🤣. I couldn't have done the Paddington hard stare version or the blunt "my name is Kathleen" but in Mumsnet world everyone is way more direct than I can ever see me being !

Just tell them you prefer to be called by your full name.

My tip would be if someone starts this then nip it in the bud otherwise the rest of the team will pick it up and then it becomes really difficult to stop.

The short version of my name is what I use out of work, but I'm always the long version in work. It was slightly odd when I and my family met up socially with a teammate and her family, and we discovered that at home we both used different names - she was short in work and long at home!

I am trying not to apologise as a matter of routine as I've become very aware of how much women apologise. You can still be polite and friendly about it but there doesn't seem any need to apologise if someone gets your name wrong.

I’ve tried everything and it just doesn’t work for some people. I even get emails addressed to my shortened name off people I don’t know when I’ve emailed them introducing me as my full name. It’s infuriating. It’s happened at work and with school playground parents. One or two I’m especially close with and I’ve even had a conversation with them about it and they still shorten it.

Well handled OP, clearly there was no need to make it into an issue - just to ask politely.

In past circumstances I've been known to add in my email response "actually my name is XXX not X". Same if I'm speaking directly to whoever is changing my name. Additionally if I remember correctly the company's internal online telephone directory would have my given name plus "known as" with my full name. I've been asked in the past "do you ever shorten your name?" and the answer is always "no - I prefer [full name]. 🌹

I’d say something like “oh gosh that makes me sound old, please call me xx”