How to tell (ask?) new colleague not to shorten my name

[StormKate]

I've started working with someone who's started shortening my name and it's not that common a name in its shortened form. How do I not sound like an arse asking for the long version? The short version is soooo old somehow and just not me. But I'm awkward and need a Mumsnet one liner to cut it dead before I'm known as this name forever and it spreads.

Yeah, no need for 'Sorry' or explanations or extra smiling, you can be calm and professional, "My name is Elizabeth, not Lizzy, thanks".

If it was a man, there wouldn't be any suggestions for not sounding hostile or angry.

I think sorry is one of my most used words in a very British kind of way.
I went by the shortened version to some folks previously and never told them o hate it. It's seen be some as affectionate but in this case I think it's that he knows more people as Jenny then Jennifer for example so naturally shortens it.

Don't explain, don't apologise, don't make excuses. Just say, my name is... every time. Politely but firmly. Simple.

Oh I agree the ‘sorry’ is entirely unnecessary. There’s nothing to apologise for. But if one wants to avoid any air of confrontation an unnecessary apology can sometimes smooth the way.

I worked with someone many years ago who insisted on putting an extra letter in front of my name, eg Hannah instead of Anna. I tried everything to get her to stop; in the end she actually said 'does it really matter?' 🤷‍♀️
She was called Karen so I started calling her Sharon.
When she (had the nerve to) remonstrated with me, I gave her the same answer.
She got my name right after that!
I'll never forget the outrage I felt when she said 'does it real matter!

Loving the Karen /Sharon example

Some people think they can call
You as they wish

Just be honest eg "Please dont call me susie, I dont like it, its Susan- thanks!"

Nothing wrong with saying that.

haha! Love this 😂

I just wouldn’t answer.

I was on a training course a few weeks back and the trainer decided to shorten my name to ‘Tia’. Including putting that on the certificate.

Just ignore her until she gets it right and then praise her for using the right name.

I got the sex of somebody’s partner wrong and she corrected me there and then. She did it so well and I just apologised and moved on. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.

I have a name that is very commonly shortened but I have never used it, my usual response it actually I go by 'Nicola' not Nicky. If they do it again then I reply with who's 'Nicky' only Nicola here. And do that repeatedly until they get the hint.

What you do right, now listen right careful..

What you do.. is you get all your other work colleagues together in the Rose N Crown every Thursday night...
And you chereograff.. correeograff.. chereog??
And you make up a dance..
Work at it real hard until all 13 of you have it perfect..
Then, when he says the wrong name, you all tear your suits off to reveal sparkly leotards and you strike up the band..

I have a name that can be shortened in several ways and is, frequently. It’s never been a power thing, more often it’s done in an affectionate way. I don’t really care, I’ve never corrected anyone, but if I did, I would of course be mindful of my tone unless I was repeatedly ignored.

"I don't actually like to be called that. Please use my full name."

I have said this many times. One colleague called me by a shortened version for a full year and a half before I had a chance to bring up that I really hated it 😅 To his credit he immediately stopped doing it.

I have had this in reverse.As in my birth certificate says Kate and people have called me Catherine or a longer version.
I would correct them every time, nicely at first. I made myself a rule, correct once, politely, then just don’t respond to the wrong name.

I get this too and I let it go. I find people do it to show you they like you on the whole. It’s a pet name that shows familiarity. My shortened version is also an ‘elderly person name’ so I get what you are saying. Mine is associated with a kind of Les Dawson bosom hike of old, but still I let it go.

I hate this, I get the same thing - I don't like the shortened version of my name. You either ignore if they're trying to get your attention, orcsay something like, you might not realise, I'm known by Catherine.

I just don't know why people do it, surely you call someone by the name they and the majority of others use.

My problem is that I don't mind any of the shortened versions of my name and often sign eg birthday cards by one of them (my parents always use a short version). But it does irritate me when people use short versions without either hearing others use it, seeing it in writing, or having been introduced to me that way, eg if I meet someone through work where I am known as fullname. Sometimes it does come across as a power thing, sometimes just trying to be friendly. But I can't really say anything as I do use all the versions.It only takes a moment to ask "do you mind being called Jo" instead of just assuming.

This seems right to me.

This happened to me once 😊. There were two women in the office in similar roles both called Georgina. I was closer to one than the other. I once accidentally called the one I was closer to George (which was the other lady’s preferred name) and she just very kindly said “I hate George. I’m only ever Georgina or G”. The world didn’t end. I apologised, the conversation continued and I never made that mistake with her again.

So I wouldn’t overthink it, don’t be apologetic just tell her in the same way you would say you take milk in your coffee or are vegetarian or whatever other perfectly normal bits of information people share about themselves on a routine basis.

Use your words like an adult.

Just stick to the facts - I always find people can't really argue with facts.

'My name is long version, not short version'. Fact. End of discussion.

Is it a bloke by any chance. I have a long name that can be abbreviated but I don't. It's never abbreviated by women. Men always instantly ask me how I abbreviate it or just do it without asking. Laziness that they can't be bothered speaking three syllables.

Because we're adults and they're most likely trying to fit in (benefit of the doubt) .. that's why adults start with a nice toalne, Jo!

1st time Work colleague,Hi Pets,

You, my name is Petra,

2 time work colleague Hi Pets, how is going or how are you Pets,?

You, look glance around like you looking at someone else,
and just say i thought you were talking 👄 to someone else working here,

You, It's P-et-r- a extra eemphasis on how you pronounce say your name correctly,
like a school teacher or a tutor teaching elocution classes,

3 or 4 times
Work colleague Hi Pets,
You 🙄 eye 👁 roll glance stare body language
Or and say
Its P-e-tr-a emphasis on repeat on correct way of saying your name

It could be in your work place calling each other shortened versions of names can be just a sign of affection they like you find you ok,
obviously it can be over familiarity too,
(the tone way they say it etc)

it doesn't mean allways like one poster on here,
said that it's way of trivialising and belittering you,

I agree with you, that it's straightforward to just say full name the way you prefer

1st time Work colleague,Hi Pets,

You, my name is Petra,

2 time work colleague Hi Pets, how is going or how are you Pets,?

You, look glance around like you looking at someone else,
and just say i thought you were talking 👄 to someone else working here,

You, It's P-et-r- a extra eemphasis on how you pronounce say your name correctly,
like a school teacher or a tutor teaching elocution classes,

3 or 4 times
Work colleague Hi Pets,
You 🙄 eye 👁 roll glance stare body language
Or and say
Its P-e-tr-a emphasis on repeat on correct way of saying your name

It could be in your work place calling each other shortened versions of names can be just a sign of affection they like you find you ok,
obviously it can be over familiarity too,
(the tone way they say it etc)

it doesn't mean allways like one poster on here,
said that it's way of trivialising and belittering you,

I agree with you, that it's straightforward to just say full name the way you prefer