How to tell (ask?) new colleague not to shorten my name

[StormKate]

I've started working with someone who's started shortening my name and it's not that common a name in its shortened form. How do I not sound like an arse asking for the long version? The short version is soooo old somehow and just not me. But I'm awkward and need a Mumsnet one liner to cut it dead before I'm known as this name forever and it spreads.

I would just say 'Do you mind, I prefer XXXX'. Just politely. It's fair enough. I once shortened a name at work because I had heard others call her that and got an aggressive 'Only my friends call me that!' which mortified me. If she had just said 'Do you mind, I prefer catherine not Cath' I would have apologised and remembered instead of being so embarrassed.

I started a job with a group of women and on day 2 (when I still couldn’t remember peoples names) a biatch let’s call her Joanne had a complete meltdown because I called her Joanna by mistake. Very unpleasant. I was so stressed trying to get used to lots of different, very responsible issues I could have done without the histrionics.
So yes , gently correct but don’t be THAT person.

Unless the person is purposefully forgetting your name, or getting it wrong after you’ve told them your preference I doubt it’s being done to exert power over you, they’re trying to be friendly. Presumably you are a peer, not their line manager, so this is the normal way to establish relationships with your colleagues.
So as a ‘friend’ you tell them you prefer your full name.
Only start being more forceful about it, if they ignore your preference.

You are assigning malice to something that is clearly innocent.

You're like my DM, nothing ever happens without an ulterior motive, or my DH who thinks that the cars on the road are only there to annoy him "I was just about to pull out and overtake and now the car behind me pulled out to stop me" No love, they pulled out because they want to overtake

Disagree on mind games, whereabouts in the country you're from / are does make a difference. Where I'm from names get shortened or diminutives used all the time. If someone introduced themselves to me as Susan I wouldn't immediately start calling them Suzie but over time if I knew them reasonably well at work I may say Su or Suze without really thinking about it. I have a standard 80s girls name of the Gemma, Louise, etc. variety and get called equivalent of Gem, Lou all the time. I never introduce myself with anything other than full name.

However I've heard plenty times in offices people say "Actually I prefer Catherine", "I really don't like Becky, it reminds me of someone I was at school with !" "Oh no it's definitely Thomas, Tom is my Dad" etc. etc. and that be perfectly fine.

Tone matters because if OP has previously said "I don't like Cathy, it's Catherine" and is being ignored that's different to someone assuming with a new member of staff that the long name on their paperwork is their Sunday Best name.

"I'm really sorry- but I don't like being called Cathy. could you call me Catherine, please?. Now, about these sales figures....."

Exactly. Correcting a mistake or assumption is fine, if the other person immediately acknowledges it that's also fine. Surely it's only an issue if the other person keeps using the wrong name, or keeps saying husband when someone has a wife etc.

All the people immediately jumping to being massively arsey with colleagues. Life must be exhausting to be so angry all the time !

When a casual male acquaintance at a dinner party I was hosting took to shortening my name, my ex-husband drew him aside and said ‘only her brothers and lovers call her that. Which one are you?’ He spent the remainder of the evening squirming every time he had to talk to me.

I have a long/hard to pronounce name and people often say well what can we call you? And I just repeat my name again… it’s not rude to want to be called your name.

This is perfect - but without the sorry.

And then after that, you can say ‘seriously I hate Chris, so you are going to have to call me Christina if you want a response. Not kidding’

I've had people shorten my name - even been introduced to strangers by the shortened version. I always correct them - firmly but with a smile, look them in the eye and say "Actually I prefer (my full name). 🌹

"Please call me XYZ". Lather, rinse, repeat.

No need to over complicate things.

First few times: [breezily] Oh, I go by ~, actually.
A few more times after that: Could you please call me ~? Thanks.
A few more times after that: [a bit curtly] It's ~.

And THEN start carrying around pre-filled-out name tags with 'Hello my name is ~'. Slowly and silently peel off the backing and stick it on, keeping eye contact the whole time.

I'm sure if you just say it pleasantly with a smile 'I prefer being called x' it shouldn't be a problem!

My Mum's called Sharon, and colleagues have (in an attempt to embed a close relationship) called her Shaz, or Shazza.

She just tells them 'i hate Shaz. Please don't call me that'.

Some people are obsessed by shortened versions of names! They see a full name and feel compelled to shorten it!

This happened with one of my DC’s on her first day at pre-school. I’d clearly called her ‘Charlotte’ on all her forms - and yet the pre-school leader took it upon herself to say “Welcome, Charlie” the minute she set eyes in her. I said, “No, her name is Charlotte” but I still overheard her doing it in the first few weeks. In the end I had to go in and be firm.

Don’t apologise. Just correct them without apologies or explanations: “My name is Catherine”. If they persist more than a couple of times, you’ll have to be firmer and more explicit, “No, not Cath. My name is Catherine and I don’t like it shortened to Cath - ever. Please call me Catherine.”

Eww, no wonder he’s an ex.

I thought that was a boss move by him.

I'd never shorten someone's name without asking them. First thing I normally ask a new team member is how they like to be known.

"Hi, lovely to meet you Catherine. Are you a Catherine, or do you prefer something else like Kath or Cathy?"

If anyone on here is reading this that does automatically shorten people's names - please don't!

I did this at work once. One of my colleagues told me the guy preferred William in full and not Bill. I din't take offence and actually apologised to him.

Can you get one of your colleagues to do the same for you?

A subtle and proportionate response IMO.

I get that too with my name - I just say "I prefer Jennifer" if they say "Jen", in a nice way, no offence taken on either side!

I get this. Teachers even did it to me. I always corrected them. Think Victoria / Vic. Elizabeth / Liz. Katherine / Kat. My pet hate is when people call a Helen or Hannah ‘Haitch’. That drives me nuts.

Keep it short. Say

‘It’s Victoria’
‘It’s Elizabeth’.

As your username is stormkate I’m going to assume Kate is short for Catherine and you don’t want to be called Cat or Cathy or Cath.
Just say as many times as is necessary that you hate it being shortened.

I suffer with the same issue. I either tell them straight up that I only respond to full name and/or I ignore anytime they use the abbreviation. I often don't actually hear the abbreviation as I don't associate it with me, it's not what i'm called!
If that doesn't work start calling him random names and see how he likes it.