How do you not cry at a funeral?

[AllTheMiniEggs]

I need to attend a funeral next week with my DS(18). He's been very upset and has shed a few tears. Every time I see him cry I get upset too.

He wants me to go with him which I'm happy to do, but how on earth do you stop yourself from crying at a funeral?

You don't. It's a time when many cry x

You either accept you're going to cry or you put your tongue in the roof of your mouth and pretend you're someone else like royalty say and act accordingly.

I tend to cry but discreetly sucking a polo really helps.

I agree with pp, you don’t stop yourself. I’ve never attended a funeral without shedding a few tears. A funeral isn’t a place where you need to be strong. Your DS is 18, he will understand you crying, it might be different if he was younger and it might worry him, but this is why I think funerals aren’t a place for very young children.

I have no idea - as soon as any music starts at a funeral I start crying!

You are supposed to cry at funerals, it’s normal.

i am always amazed at how strong other people appear at funerals. I am always an absolute mess. I can’t stop being a mess no matter how hard I try, so I think some people are able to get more of a grip on their emotions in the moment than others. I don’t think a funeral is where you can start learning.

Nothing wrong with putting your arm around him or holding him (if he wants it) and letting the tears flow over his head.

Or you focus on you having a job to do - being there for him - and somehow, sometimes, they don't come as much as they might when it's a bereavement that directly affects you rather than because it's your child that's hurting.

Either they come or they don't. You're doing the hardest and best thing by being there for his pain.

Why would you be trying not to cry? You’re grieving. It’s not ‘bad behaviour’.

I find it impossible, I went to a funeral of someone I hardly knew to support my husband still balled like a baby.

I don't think it'll matter if you do cry. I imagine a lot of people will be.

I've only been to funerals of people I don't know very well so while I accepted that it was a sad situation I personally didn't feel sad so didn't cry.

I certainly wasn't thinking anything about the people there crying though.

(Adding to that: I'm talking about normal crying not throwing yourself on the floor wailing and screaming.)

At funerals the closest are so often cried out, it's those further away who cry.

Tongue to roof of mouth is one. Calculating the Fibonacci sequence helps me. I have no memory for sequences so it's not something I remember.

You're supposed to cry at funerals, that's part of their purpose.

If you can’t cry at a funeral when can you? It’s really what they’re for, to cry, to think, to be glad you knew the person, to be sad they’ve gone.

I’m sorry for your loss.

There's nothing wrong with crying at funerals, even if you weren't close to the deceased. It's natural to cry when another human has died. Brink your tissues/hankie and let go.

At a recent funeral, I leaked around the eyes a little but did not end up ugly-crying. I have no idea how since usually I cry easily. I mainly stared at the floor in front of me and did not make eye contact as I was walking out behind the pall bearers.

If the tears are building, just let them flow.

I find I cry at ones I don't expect to.
Didn't cry at my dad's. (Was too worried about other members of the family).
Nor my god-mother who I adored.
But this week went to the funeral for a lovely bloke up the road and couldn't stop the tears. So upset for his wife.

You don't. You take plenty of tissues and cry quietly.

I cry much more at "aquaintances" funerals than I did at DH's. At DH's I was "hosting" and had a role. At a friends DS's and at DH's uncle's I was sniffing a lot (why you must have tissues!), more at the very sad situations those left behind were in than for any sense of personal loss.

About 3 days before my great aunt's funeral, I heard through a mutual acquaintance that a lovely woman I used to work with had died. A decade of ivf and she finally had a baby and got her happy ending for about 6 months before a cancer dx. I was a sobbing mess at the funeral 😢 and so embarrassed!! My Dad's cousin did glance at with a curious expression. I could hardly explain later to my dad's cousin, "oh, I'm not upset because you lost your mother! I'm upset for somebody half her age who died with half her life to live, and left a baby without a mother. God knows what they all made of me sobbing. Scarlet

I didn't want to cry at my nanas funeral, I just knew that if I did I would howl and not be able to pull myself back together so I just completely zoned out. I focused on the stained glass window and thought about the most mundane things.

I completely broke down when I got home. I understand you wanting to be strong.

It’s a funeral, you cry. The only trick is to not sob loudly. Easier to let the quiet tears flow instead of trying to hold in the emotion and have it burst through.

Imagine everybody naked

At my fathers funeral I pinched between my thumb and first finger very hard. Also sang ‘bat out of hell’ ( in my head) during any hymn. Clenched my teeth as well. Powered through it. Had my reasons for not breaking down.

I was silently screaming.

Don't try to talk at a moment when you're feeling wobbly.

I focus on something else so I go through the alphabet and make myself think of a boy and girls name starring with A, B, C etc. then I go back and do animals and places. It helps me.

I went to one last week. I made a point of switching my ears off and thinking of all the jobs I needed to get done, next months holiday, things I needed to get done at work. I purposely didn’t look at the mourning family and didn’t listen to all the nice things that were said. I basically just didn’t mentally engage with it. It wasn’t that I was being a cold hearted bitch, but I have chronic migraine and I knew it would trigger a migraine if I started getting upset.