Thread 13 - TalkLair: “I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.”

[Kucinghitam]

(Previous thread 12).

Looks like spring has sprung! Tulips, apple blossom and early hay fever are upon us. In the TalkLair, we remain hunkered down keeping cosy and warm, because "something something 'til May is out". The hearth is glowing, the walls covered in dubious artwork, books by non-approved authors line the shelves, rugs are down on the floors (and assorted pets curled up on them).

We just won’t mention the gnawed bones of our prey over there in the corner of the cave…

We have recently acquired a combination of starlings and parakeets scoffing our fatballs and peanuts on top of the usual visitors like blue tits. They are both very noisy and beautiful.

Do you have a dog,@artant ? I've never been a dog-owner, and it's only recently, because my DS has a dog, that I've found out about dogs' enthusiasm for fox shit.

Back in the Paleolithic, I lived in a top-floor flat. One evening a pigeon squeezed itself in through my slightly-open bedroom window, and then panicked and flew around crashing into walls and furniture. I'm not usually of a delicate disposition when it comes to animals, but I confess to screaming quite a lot.

That was before we got a cat and Phoebe introduced us to a regular supply of live indoor bird events.

Anyone else finding the rest of MN a bit, um, tired and emotional lately? I think it is election fever, but people seem awfully hair-trigger on so many threads.

I hadn't noticed that so much, probably because I'm a bit conflict-averse and click out rather quickly, but there does seem to be one of those seasonal influxes of earnest seekers after Truth, that I never much care for and am even more suspicious of after all the Aston stuff.

Fortunately there are still some lovely threads!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5097188-black-cats?

Black cats are beautiful creatures, as are black dogs. When me and Mr Veg found a black cat in the middle of nowhere and took it to a local vet, I put a picture on the local lost and found FB page and was really surprised at how many people thought the cat was theirs. How is it that shelters don't place black cats as easily?

Also, here's Barney. Okay, he needs to wash his face but he's still gorgeous.

He looks like my lovely Snowball, who died ten years ago, aged 20. We buried her ashes under a gorgeous hydrangea bush of a variety we call snowball bushes here. That was in our old house so I hope it's still flourishing.

It's said that black cats are hard to photograph, and apparently that's why some people don't want to adopt them! I guess it is true that you need good lighting conditions to get a decent photo of a very black cat, but then the resulting photos look stunning.

This handsome fellow lives on a nearby street that is on the way to the park - he's always hanging around on his drive on the look out for friendly passersby who will give him a fuss. I never managed to get a good photo of him, until one sunny day when I happened to have my real proper semi-fancy camera with me (was going to the park to take pictures of autumn trees).

It makes sense that black cats are hard to photograph as light meters assume that they are pointing at a grey card (conveniently grass is the right level of reflection so grassy landscapes are easy for cameras). This also means that cameras cope better with white skin than black. In analogue photography, negative film was generally more forgiving than slide film so the exposure could be a couple of stops out and you could still make a decent print. When it comes to things like Polaroid though, photography starts to look distinctly racist.

@duc748 no dog here so any fox poo is mine to deal with when I get round to it. I like the foxes but prefer it when they poo elsewhere.

They had a piece on Outlook on the World Service this week where Frieda Hughes (daughter of Sylvia Plath) told the story of a magpie that she rescued and who stayed with her for five months before she "freed" him. It was a delightful story - she'd rescued his sibling as well but they were very young and unfortunately the sibling didn't make it - and her magpie was such a bold and attention speaking boy it was a real joy to listen to the story.

It's all superstitious and that but I always greet magpies, especially when it's just one bird, but part of the reason I do it is because I really enjoy greeting magpies. They're such beautiful birds.

@MouseMingeIt's all superstitious and that but I always greet magpies, especially when it's just one bird, but part of the reason I do it is because I really enjoy greeting magpies. They're such beautiful birds.

So do I - it's just automatic. This afternoon we have had four youngsters pissing about in the garden, the smallest of whom did a splendid job chasing off an adult collared dove (who wasn't bothering him in any way). He then got over-confident and attempted to chase off an enormous wood pigeon, about four times his size, who simply paid him no attention. I have named him Spartacus (the magpie, not the wood pigeon).

I used to say "Morning, Mr Magpie, where's your wife?" But then someone said that was rude and presumptuous so I started saying "Morning, Mr Magpie, how's your wife?" But then of course the magpie might be female, and/or non-binary, and then where are we?

In danger of no more magpies, unless they get their shit together!

I find magpies beautiful, I didn't know I was supposed to greet them until I read it on this thread!

They are a bit mean though - a couple of years ago, I was delighted when a pair of blackbirds nested in our front hedge which meant we could sit in the bay window and watch the parents coming and going. Then one day I heard frantic distressed blackbird cries. A couple of magpies had discovered the nest and were methodically raiding the baby birds and carrying them off, still alive, one by one. Nature red in tooth and claw, but it definitely put me off magpies for a long while.

Can't remember where I found this but here you go:

"Under the heading ‘A magpie’s delicate attention to its mistress’, the Literary Gazette for 12 October 1850 noted ‘A favourite magpie had been accustomed to receive dainty bits from the mouth of its mistress. The other day it perched as usual on her shoulder and inserted its beak between her lips; not, as it proved, to receive, for, as one good turn deserves another, the grateful bird dropped an immense green fat caterpillar into the lady’s mouth."

Aah! That's marvellous!

What a well brought up bird. It clearly understood the importance of sharing.

We went to visit FiL at his flat for Father's Day and as we had a car for the day, he'd asked us to take him to his old house to do a bit of tidying. DH had been planning to grab a bootful of stuff from there to take to the tip anyway, so we were happy to do this.

The house has been gradually emptied by each of the siblings doing a bit at a time over the past few weeks, but it (and the loft and the double garage and the greenhouses) is still really full of junk.

So we got to his flat to pick him up - first surprise was a mini snooker table in the living area. DH said it was from when they were all kids. Turned out FiL had climbed up to the house loft (!) and brought it down, carried it back to the flat on his walker. We have no idea who he thought would wish to play mini snooker in a cluttered flat. Then he proudly told us that this nice new flat is so well-insulated that he hasn't had to switch on the radiators and is using them as shelves for all his small clutter. As he pointed this out, we observed that he had brought his ancient rusty electrical-hazard oil-filled radiator from the house.

When we got to the house, there was a full-size Henry Hoover on the upstairs landing. This was another surprise seeing as the family had bought FiL a lightweight cordless vacuum cleaner a few months ago, and we had moved it to the flat. FiL explained that he "needed" a hoover to clean the house that he no longer lives in, the charity shop next to his flat happened to have one, so he bought it and carried it to the house on his walker. And has been heaving it up and down the stairs doing the hoovering.

Then he explained to DH that instead of using the flat's in-house laundry service, he's been carrying his laundry back to the house to use his old washing machine. Because the service costs money, you see. Meanwhile, he is happy to keep paying two lots of bills, council tax, etc etc, to keep hold of his house "in case visitors want to live in it."

We filled the car with junk to take to the tip, and as we were doing so, FiL was grabbing all sorts of random shit out of the junk boxes to take back to his flat.

DH is furious, basically the reason we wanted FiL to move to this sheltered accommodation was because he was endangering himself in the house. And now he's putting himself in even more danger, because he's doing even more climbing and carrying and cluttering in two places instead of one!

We really need to get the house sold ASAP but the siblings are all being completely uselessly non-confrontational about just getting on with it - we get cheery little messages on the family WhatsApp from each one "oh just popped in and took a bit of stuff to the tip" and "hope we'll get the house all tidy for sale soon" DH himself is also being the same, when in private he keeps saying to me we just need it offloaded, without clearing, directly to some developer who's just going to throw everything into a skip.

That sounds impossible, @Kucinghitam. Would it be feasible to call a family meeting and make a concrete plan?

Hw infuriating.

Have you found the cockroach cafe in Elderly Parents?

@weaseleyes I want to call a family meeting and bang all their chirpy non-confrontational heads together repeatedly, is what I want to do!

I lurk in the Cockroach Cafe @NoBinturongsHereMate, it's a great place for when I'm feeling low about my parents and their own set of problems.

Thing is, ultimately FiL is not my dad, and there are a large number of apparently perfectly competent adult children who should be getting their act together. But who can't seem to have a proper discussion.

On balance, is it worse to be on the other side of the world from APs and their stubborn eccentricities or to have them just down the road?

I'm sure I've said before that once when the nice pharmacist was sympathising with me over having to manage it all single-handed and I replied that from observation, having siblings was as likely to make things more complicated as less, I got a very very heartfelt, not to say eye-rolling agreement.

Yes, I was glad with PaBint that I didn't have the additional complications of managing siblings as well as him. They can be a marvellous help, but so often seem to make things more difficult.

Oh gawd, @Kucinghitam - I'd suggest changing the locks, but he'd only get a ladder and break in through an upstairs window.

@DeanElderberry - easy question! When our mother(who hadn't spoken to me for 25 years - result!) finally went Officially Bonkers and was carted off, my sis was (and remains) in the Anti-Podes. I was in mainland Europe so drew the short straw. 25 years of clutter, no piece of paperwork, advertising flyer, magazine or newspaper ever thrown away, important letters about finances tucked in among them, wardrobes full of unworn clothing ... It took me a week to sort through. I filled the garage with bin-liners full of absolute rubbish, then called in a charity to take the rest away.

I think, though, it would have been worse and taken longer if my sister had been there too. As it was, I just rang her up a couple of times.

I don't know whether it's better to be near or far, but looking at my FiL situation I'm very sure that many siblings spoil the broth!

In her own way my mother is just as bone-headed as FiL, so that's a whole other story and I honestly have no idea whether she would be any more manageable if I lived back home instead of half a world away. I suppose it's the Circle of Life - if I get to be old, no doubt I'll be just as self-destructively stubborn and cause my DDs plenty of facepalming.