Crashed my car feel suicidal

[fsgsuduforbbfkrk]

36 weeks pregnant was trying to reverse out of a car park as too narrow to turn and crashed into a brand new bmw. Was on the way to mau for reduced movements and pains so think I’ve just been so stressed I’ve somehow not seen it even though o was actually looking in my mirror to reverse. My mum left her number because I didn’t have a pen and needed to get to mau and is dealing with it because Ive asked if she can just let me know what the driver says as I’m stressed enough about high risk pregnancy to add this to the pile but I’ve come home from mau and just feel like I can’t cope. I’ve already been speaking with consultants saying I’ve been feeling suicidal and have had zero help other than them saying they’ll write a letter to my gp but I feel pushed to the edge with this I just can’t see past it. My excess is £470 which I don’t even remember signing tbh I don’t know why I’d ever have such a high excess but obviously I have. Driver phoned and was apparently nice but said it’s a new car so she’ll be getting it fixed and when I looked at paint damage costs for bmws it’s about £300 which I just don’t have - I lost my job before I qualified for smp so my income is basically pennies. I’m so depressed. Either I’ll have to shell out hundreds cash to avoid insurance or she goes through insurance and my premium will sky rocket and then I probably can’t afford to run my car anymore. I know it’s my own fault but I genuinely didn’t see the car. Just can’t see past this anymore I feel so sad at how shit I am at everything

You wouldn’t have fixed a scratch on a bmw for £300 they’ll need to blend the paint in.

It would cost more than the excess to do it properly.

Put it through your insurance, bmws are not cheap to repair and it will not just be case of just repairing a very small scratch, as a minimum I would expect the whole panel to be resprayed.
It's great that mo one was hurt but maybe this should be a wake-up call as to whether you are still safe to drive. If you can't concentrate enough to drive safely, you shouldn't be on the road, for the safety of you, the baby and everyone else

OP, it'll be ok. Its just a car, noone was hurt. Speak to your insurers, and try to stop catastrophising about premiums, losing your car, etc.

As an aside - you should qualify for Maternity Allowance if you dont get SMP - it used to be the same amount. Ask your mum or a mate if they'll help you to what youre entitled to if you cant face doing it yourself.

OP- please make it a priority to see a doctor tomorrow. If you can take your mum. I took mine to a mental health appointment once and she was able to talk for me when I was downplaying how bad symptoms were. She also be there to hold you hand if need be.

I get that but I also can’t really not drive. I’m getting daily monitoring and weekly growth scans, a return taxi everyday is £40 which I don’t have because it’s another 2 weeks of daily monitoring. and I have 2 toddlers who I’d have to take car seats in and out for so taxi just not feasible. Dont have anyone who can give me lifts. Dh doesn’t drive and also works everyday. Bus is an hour each way and then 20 minute walk to the stop which when you have spd just again isn’t feasible. I don’t see another option I just feel stuck

Your insurance isn't going to go up in the next week, though, is it. It won't go up until you renew. Presumably, your car is still drivable. If you were reversing out of a carpark, you can't have been traveling more than a few mph.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but you're not really understanding that a new BMW will not be cheap to repair, we are not talking £300.

And how do you know it was just a scratch? How do you know the whole panel did not need respraying?

I think she did the right thing going through the insurance, I would have done exactly the same. It's so much easier than going from place to place getting quotes.

Take a deep breath and deal with a day at a time.

I had prenatal depression and felt very bleak during the third trimester. I understand how overwhelmed you probably feel. Regarding the depression mine improved almost instantly when DD was born. If yours doesn't lift, go back to your GP who can help.

Regarding the car, no amount of worrying about it is going to solve anything so just take it a step at a time. Your insurance company will sort things out. It's the better way to do things when you're dealing with an expensive car and it protects you from the other driver coming along later and saying there was more damage than she first realised.

You premiums will go up but there might be things the insurance company can do to bring them down a little to offset it. For example, I had them remove the included breakdown cover as I could get it cheaper elsewhere anyway.

I think you need to just stop and breathe- as its all so overwhelming right now.

• accidents happen everyday - your insurance may not go up that much. DH had an accident last year, his fault, insurance went up £15 a month. So until you actually know what’s happening and how much the repair costs etc, I wouldn’t google. There are other comparison sites and different cheaper ways to insure a car.
• let this go through insurance at the min or perhaps you can ask the lady to get a quote and send it directly if you think that would be a better option.
• In terms of money and getting to appointments - are you receiving all the support you are entitled too - all benefits, council tax discounts etc? Is there a fund the midwifes have or know about which supports patients with travel/ parking costs? Can your mum/ family help in anyway.
• Can your scans be completed at home or in a GP surgery? It maybe worth asking if monitoring can be done closer to home.
• You must call your midwife tomorrow and tell her how you are and ask for support.
• Are there any charities locally that can help with a pram or suitable buggy?
• You absolutely do not wait for the consultant to write to the GP - you need an urgent GP appointment and a referral to the peri natal mental health team. In the meantime you need a local mental health/ safety plan. Your consultant needs a kick up the arse for how he/ she has treated you today! if you feel really unwell just go straight to a and e. In the meantime most areas have self referral ‘talking therapies‘ called IAPT perhaps try them too.

There is a lot of support available please choose to use it. I know its hard but this current situation will pass, take care ❤️

I did say ask them not tell them. You know it's legitimate to ask people questions? I have a nice car, if someone who was clearly vulnerable/struggling accidentally damaged it and it cost £400 to fix, I'd gladly accept £100 a month for 4 months so as not to financially cripple them. Perhaps care and consideration for others puts me in the minority? I don't mind.

I’m so sorry you feel like this. I just wanted to offer my own personal experience as someone who was suicidal once, I am glad I didn’t end my life, I am so glad I am still here. I see now it was a temporary situation but suicide is permanent. Honestly one day I sincerely hope and believe that you will look back on this and feel very differently.

Please go to your GP for an emergency appointment so you can get all the support you need now and when the baby arrives.

Remember your children love you with all their hearts.

@WildBear

No, if you had a 'nice car', it wouldn't cost anywhere near £400 to fix. Hence allowing someone to pay monthly in instalments wouldn't be an option.

Have you looked into maternity allowance? You may qualify.

Please, please seek further help for the way you're feeling. You need to protect yourself and your baby.
As others have said, let insurance sort the car issue. Let it go.

You think it would be cheaper? A van parked next to me, the wind took the door out of her hand and the door dented/creased my door, main dealer repair including respray was nearly £500.

Just read this. @fsgsuduforbbfkrk I hope you're ok and getting help.

@fsgsuduforbbfkrk your premium doesn’t increase now, you don’t declare the incident until your next renewal. Your current year remains the same price.

@WildBear

No, I said that because I thought it would be more expensive. I've got a brand new BMW and nothing is cheap, even a respray of paint due to the mixing of the colours.

Not sure what car you have 🤷🏻‍♀️

Firstly I hope your getting the medical help you need .
Secondly your premium won't go up straight away it will be when you renew. If you don't claim on your car there will be no excess to pay .

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for kind words and advice. My section has now been brought forward to this Tuesday as I saw a mental health midwife who called it an acute crisis - I’ve been prescribed anti depressants too. My mum is dealing with the car and says she’ll just tell me the need-to-knows rather than me having back and forth with the other driver and getting myself panicked

I'm glad it's been brought forward. Continue to communicate with those around you and seek as much help as you need. The dark days do pass, I promise. I know you've LOs but try to look after yourself too, you are irreplaceable.

Thank you for updating us. I'm glad you've got things moving and that your mum is helping.

18 month old 330i :)

Good luck OP. I'm sorry you have so much to deal with at the moment but one way or another it will be OK! I'm glad your mum's looking after you.

I also had a minor accident in late pregnancy. I reversed into a skip - it was outside our house too and had been there a while. It cost a lot to fix my car and I did feel quite down about it tbh. I think that’s a normal reaction - it’s a hassle, you feel stupid, it’s an utter waste of money. You will move on but you have to forgive yourself. I hope you read these stories and feel slightly better about yourself.

I have sensors on my current car and that helps a lot!