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Original poster

What’s your view on swearing at/infront of your DC’s?

85 replies

Hellohihola · 09/04/2024 18:23

Today I witnessed a mother shouting at her young child (2/3) “sit down or you will not get any f fruitshoot” whilst loading her shopping into her car.

I actually asked her to mind her language as I was walking with my two young DC’s but.. is this common?

Are parents ok with swearing at/infront of their DC’s? A few people I know do.. am I the minority?!

not a judgement thread! Just would like to hear opinions!

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 10/04/2024 14:50

I don’t really understand how parents justify it if they swear around their kids and then their kids swear. They can’t exactly tell them off as they’re doing it themselves!? I think it’s unfair on the kids.

Of course they can. Just like they impose other limits on things that are for adults only. Whether they do or if their kids are amenable to that it's a different question.

DotWomanNeighbour · 10/04/2024 14:54

We all swear like troopers. Sarf London ain’t it. Not AT each other tho. Sons 26 and 35 now. Lovely well-adjusted chaps.

Devilsmommy · 10/04/2024 14:59

Heatherbell1978 · 09/04/2024 18:44

I swear a fair amount to adults and on chat. More in a banter type of way. I hate it in front of kids. It's really disgusting and I absolutely judge parents for it. When I hear a child swear I assume it's because their parents swear in front of them.

I reckon a kid could not hear swearing at home but as soon as they start school they learn all sorts

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Families
onawave · 10/04/2024 15:20

I swear a lot but Never swear at mine and apart from the time I slammed my finger in the car door I don't think I've ever sworn in front of them. So imagine my surprise when nursery told me my 2 year old was saying fucker when she was there. Took us a few days to figure out what she was trying to say was cracker.

Afraidofthedarke · 10/04/2024 17:10

PaperDoIIs · 10/04/2024 14:50

I don’t really understand how parents justify it if they swear around their kids and then their kids swear. They can’t exactly tell them off as they’re doing it themselves!? I think it’s unfair on the kids.

Of course they can. Just like they impose other limits on things that are for adults only. Whether they do or if their kids are amenable to that it's a different question.

Yes I see that point. I just think how can you swear around your kids and not expect them to pick up the words and copy. Eg when with their friends/school etc.

Flapjacker48 · 10/04/2024 17:13

Very common behaviour.

BringMeSunshineAllDayLong · 10/04/2024 17:15

I fucking love swearing. It makes me happy
I do not swear at my children but swear a lot around them. I have only a couple of times heard them swear (age range 28 to 13). I think they have rebelled 😭.

Ilovelurchers · 10/04/2024 17:45

I come from a sweary part of the country and have always sworn a lot. I do swear in front of my daughter, but only at her as a joke (and very obviously a joke - there is absolutely no way she thinks I am being serious - she often comments on how kindly I speak to her compared to how we hear other parents speak to their kids).

Ilovelurchers · 10/04/2024 17:48

Posted too soon. She does swear (she is 12) but only with her friends - God I am shocked sometimes by the way these angelic looking, very middle class girls (dd goes to a selective private school tho i am working class) speak to each other!

Possibly some of the parents would be shocked - i believe dd is more open with showing me their on-line chats etc than some of their friends with stricter moms.....

Anyway, we all do our best, and as long as we love and are kind to our kids, I reckon all is good!

PaperDoIIs · 10/04/2024 17:54

@Afraidofthedarke DD didn't. At least in primary. Not entirely sure if she started now in secondary, but a lot of her classmates are foul so she hears a lot worse from them than she ever did for us.

We had a talk when she was younger (around 5) about swearing. Like I said , I did try to avoid it for a long time. Basically I told her swearing is something adults do, she can't do it at school as she will definitely get in trouble and it's best not to use swear words at all in case she slips. That's when the "bloody" conversation happened. It worked, it won't work for every kid or family though and I'm aware of that.

Afraidofthedarke · 10/04/2024 17:56

PaperDoIIs · 10/04/2024 17:54

@Afraidofthedarke DD didn't. At least in primary. Not entirely sure if she started now in secondary, but a lot of her classmates are foul so she hears a lot worse from them than she ever did for us.

We had a talk when she was younger (around 5) about swearing. Like I said , I did try to avoid it for a long time. Basically I told her swearing is something adults do, she can't do it at school as she will definitely get in trouble and it's best not to use swear words at all in case she slips. That's when the "bloody" conversation happened. It worked, it won't work for every kid or family though and I'm aware of that.

Maybe as mine are still under 5 and they literally repeat everything so I know I couldn’t get away with it!

Sharedit · 10/04/2024 18:31

@Hellohihola I hate the F word - always have, ever since I was 9 (in 1981) and heard it for the first time - a local primary school closed and the kids transferred to my school bringing much fruitier language with them. My own kids were brought up not to use it, at least in front of me, and still don't.

About 15 years ago, when my children were 5 and 2, I told a mother off in a library for swearing at her kids in front of mine (hers were older, with homework to do, and she was getting stressy about it) and I also told some teens off on a bus around the same time. But I probably wouldn't do the same thing now. The F word has become too ubiquitous on TV (especially Netflix). Presumably that makes it just as every-day acceptable as "Filippin' heck Tucker" used to be when I was young.

Not a fan though.

Itsokish · 10/04/2024 18:35

Nope . I have never sworn at my children and they are all adults now. Never swore in front of them when they were children and only very occasionally do they ever hear me swear now. Think regular swearing is unnecessary and shows a limited vocabulary!
Just to add my children never swear in front of me which I am glad about!

Original poster
Hellohihola · 10/04/2024 19:20

Itsokish · 10/04/2024 18:35

Nope . I have never sworn at my children and they are all adults now. Never swore in front of them when they were children and only very occasionally do they ever hear me swear now. Think regular swearing is unnecessary and shows a limited vocabulary!
Just to add my children never swear in front of me which I am glad about!

Edited

I’m 33 and was brought up not to swear, so even now I wouldn’t dare swear in-front of my parents or siblings! Too much of a goodie two shoes 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Hellohihola · 10/04/2024 19:20

Ilovelurchers · 10/04/2024 17:48

Posted too soon. She does swear (she is 12) but only with her friends - God I am shocked sometimes by the way these angelic looking, very middle class girls (dd goes to a selective private school tho i am working class) speak to each other!

Possibly some of the parents would be shocked - i believe dd is more open with showing me their on-line chats etc than some of their friends with stricter moms.....

Anyway, we all do our best, and as long as we love and are kind to our kids, I reckon all is good!

Agree ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
Hellohihola · 10/04/2024 19:23

RaraRachael · 09/04/2024 19:38

I was in the swimming pool changing room once with my daughter when I heard a mother unleash the worst tirade of foulmouthed abuse AT her child that I've ever heard. My cousins were all farmworkers and their conversations were liberally peppered with bad language. However, she put them to shame.

I was starting a new teaching job the following week - imagine my horror when said woman was introduced as my new TA.

Wow!!! How was she with the children? Your first impressions were clearly tarnished! 😳

OP posts:
Original poster
Hellohihola · 10/04/2024 19:26

InTheRainOnATrain · 09/04/2024 20:16

By asking her to mind her language you were not only inviting a confrontation, you were drawing attention to something your kids most likely would have otherwise forgotten 2 minutes later. So awful as she sounds I really wouldn’t do that again should you find yourself in a similar situation. But as for your actual question, I wouldn’t swear AT anyone, I don’t use swear words in conversation with DC but I will swear whilst talking to another adult even if they’re within earshot, or myself if it’s a real FFS that really hurt moment.

Point taken - I think I just needed to call out her behaviour because of the teeth clenching whilst she was directly swearing aggressively at her young DD. it isn’t usually something I’d do especially front of the girls but I was very calm x

OP posts:
buswankerz · 10/04/2024 19:32

I don't understand why you said that to an obviously stressed out mum. Your kids would have barely noticed her/the words she was using. Maybe next time don't be so judgemental.

DarcyHargrove · 10/04/2024 19:36

Swear all the time. Don’t care. My kids don’t care. No one else I know cares.

PlantDoctor · 10/04/2024 19:38

I really don't like people swearing around my kid either. She's only 4, and I know as soon as she gets to primary she'll learn all sorts, but I admit I'm a bit judgy when I hear other kids a similar age swear.

Having said that, while I don't deliberately swear in front of her, I'm lucky she hasn't been paying attention when I have sworn at people nearly crashing into us when driving!

1stWorldProblems · 10/04/2024 19:39

Never swore at the kids when they were small but do now occasionally at them as teenagers when they are v being particularly adolescent - it gets their attention. I come from a sweary family but it is usually used for humour or in pain. They've never been told off for using it in a similar way & have never been in trouble for swearing at school / in public.

I've made it clear that the way you say words / the intention is what will get you into trouble - for instance saying things such as "I hate you" and meaning it rather than using a swear word.

Playinwithfire · 10/04/2024 19:44

I've swore a few times... But on reflection it's at stages where my mental health was seriously challenged. However, I have always (an will always) apologise if I've done something wrong. It's unfair to load a child with bad language, yet, I feel when parents are on the edge they're struggling to regulate, which is more obvious when they cant catch a break and are highly stressed. So, I would have empathy rather judgement.

I don't think it was fair that you spoke to her in a car park while she was putting stuff into her boot which is a struggle with young kids as it is. Could you have asked if she needed a helping hand? I think you shamed her in a moment of weakness.

PlantDoctor · 10/04/2024 19:47

I disagree with some of the other PPs. I think you were right to say something to that mum because it's really not right for her to be swearing at a little kid over a drink. Everyone has a bad day and if she was just a bit sharp with her kid that's one thing, but people would be up in arms about verbal abuse if it was a man nastily swearing at a woman like that.

Gilead · 10/04/2024 19:54

Don’t swear at my children but some days have a mouth like a sailor! Eg. Dropped and broke a glass today, broom was in the garden for some reason. Fucking nightmare clearing that up from a wheelchair!

changeofusername · 11/04/2024 03:07

I swear but also explain to my kids that I'm an adult and know what the words mean and when it isn't okay to use them

Rule is kids aren't allowed to unless they ask permission and mum agrees it's an appropriate response to a situation

They hear the words, it's impossible for them not to, some of their friends apparently use certain ones often but they only repeat me when allowed and never have I been told by anyone they use them when I'm not around

We save our swears for car journeys mostly... a really long traffic jam and you really need the loo and it's ten mins to services and then it's 30 mins to services all of a sudden... absolutely swear away everyone

Beyond that its just mum who mostly swears at household appliances

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