On holiday and having a nightmare with food

[FoodAnxiety]

Is anyone else like this? I feel like a freak, I feel like I'm spoiling everyone else's holiday.

I have anxiety around food and vomiting bugs, so I'm super-careful about where we eat, checking TripAdvisor ratings, etc. and being easily put off restaurants.

So we're in Italy - should be easy enough to find nice restaurants here?? But I'm so hesitant to eat out in case we get food poisoning, and I'm really fussy about where we eat.

Help me - how can I deal with this so I can enjoy holidays and not affect my family?

At the moment I feel so useless, so stupid that I just wonder what the point of me is.

I hope when you get home you are able to get some help. You deserve a better life for you and your family. In the mean time I hope you can find places to eat without too much stress. It seems like a very hard way to live and I hope things get easier for you.

Can you find one or two 'safe' dishes from the suggestions above? No harm in eating the same thing. Your children's holiday won't be ruin by what you do or don't eat.

Hell, my inlaws spent a month in Italy and MIL ordered nothing but spaghetti carbonara. I could've cried at the food she missed out on but hey, whatever works for her.

Hope you can enjoy the rest of your trip.

Italy seems like the safest place for food poisoning, they take such care and things tend to be well cooked.

I've been to Rome many times and any decent restaurant will do you a plain tomato pasta or cacio e Pepe or simple pizza if you ask. I'm surprised at you saying it's all seafood you're finding, that's not particularly what Role is known for. Which area are you in? Have you tried the fun relaxed vibe of Travestere?

And you don't need to speak perfect Italian, or any Italian to be honest, most places will have some staff with excellent English.

You are in one of the greatest food cities of the world, please try to enjoy and share the joy of their wonderful food with your children.

But yes, you need therapy when home, to address the perfectionism and the resulting anxiety.

You need to get a grip on this before you pass it on to your kids Make a point of letting your dh and kids pick tonight and just go with it let them order what they want you have to face your fear for it to get better It's not fair on your family what you are doing

Are you me? I have the exact same thing. DH loves to remind me of the time I cried in a Chinese restaurant in London as I was so stressed.

The way I deal with it is to order only safe foods for myself - no meat, no rice, don't eat salad. So things like plain pizza that you can't go wrong with. I can't control what others order and that does worry me. But I do what I can to "protect " myself.

Is your DS a veggie or are you deciding what others can and can’t eat?
…. edited to say just seen your DS is a veggie

OP - there’s one or two posters who clearly don’t understand the concept of a phobia and have given you a hard time. Please don’t worry about them. Those of us with a phobia or who know someone with one completely understand what a nightmare it is to control. You are a good mum and that’s why you’ve posted here to get advice.

I think you need to accept that it’s not going to be perfect, and that’s ok, but sitting in your room crying and typing on Mumsnet during your holiday is worse than picking a restaurant at random and requesting a basic pasta in tomato sauce that isn’t on the menu with your family. Just go with the flow and you’ll enjoy it more.

I always have a box of Imodium in my bag when I’m on holiday, just in case.

If your family have been to a couple of restaurants and not had any bad after effects, can you go back to the same ones one the basis that they've been tried and tested and found to be OK?

I am veggie but Rome is easy. Almost every restaurant prides itself on its cacio and pepe and you can’t much simpler (and I would think safer?) than that.

It sounds really tough but are you staying in a hotel? I find hotel concierges a godsend when it comes to making restaurant bookings. Tripadvisor is unreliable, locals would almost never post their reviews to trioadvisors so it becomes a weird tourist feedback loop. Just look at the top restaurants in whatever city you live in and you will see.

It’s definitely time that you sort this irrational fear out. Is that the reason your ds is veggie and or fussy? Be honest here.

yes it’s hard to tackle a phobia, but you can do it. My oh had therapy for anxiety over driving, it helped, but didn’t do the job, so he’s going to hypnotherapy now and coming along leaps and bounds

I’ve also overcome agoraphobia. It was excruciating but it can be done!

That sounds awful OP.

Is it just you getting ill you have the anxiety about or it the children and DH too?

Ask the hotel if you can have a fridge in your room so you can get some 'safe' food, fruit you can wash and bread, maybe cured meat.

Then could you do alternate days going out for dinner. Or pick a place you have already eaten and go there every other day so you have your 'safe' place and let Dh or the children pick, if you don't find anything you like you have your fridge to fall back on.

I know they might say no to the fridge but in future, in the UK (and I bet the rest of Europe is similar) you can request a fridge for 'medical reasons' even if there isn't normally one in the room.

And this is a medical reason isn't it?

I have a friend with food issues and he requests a fridge for medical reasons and there has not been a problem.

And I want to enjoy eating out and not be a bad role model for the Dc.

I completely understand where you coming from there.

But if I’m honest, I also dint think you’ll find THE solution that will allow you to do that during this trip. It’s something that will take more work (eg CBT, hypnotherapy etc…).
The best you can do during the trip is manage the situation. And it’s not about managing it for yourself only. It’s about managing it fir you and your dc too.

Would you be able to ask for recommendations from the place you’re staying at? Like some good vegetarian restaurants around where you stay? It would be ok to go that one mostly rather than looking for a new one every evening. And go fur sandwiches at lunch time.
Tbh to make ‘everything perfect’, I’d go chose what makes people as relaxed as possible first rather than fur the ‘Instagram ideal’ of lots of different places, different foods etc… iyswim

I once spent the night throwing up with awful stomach pain the night before two flights totalling 18 hours home 😩
my husband was holed up in our hotel room at Disney for 3 days after a dodgy salad.

If we go there I now eat something like a peanut butter sandwich before coming home to play it safe. I have ibs so it doesn’t take much!

Never had any issues in Italy!

Eat before you go and just go for the socialising with some safe things to nibble on.

stop looking and obsessing. "That" is what will be doing your families head in.

I can empathise with the OP. Years ago I had two consecutive foreign holidays where I contracted food poisoning after restaurant meals. With the second one I ended up in hospital.

After that insisted that I wouldn’t be eating anywhere in southern Europe unless I had cooked the food myself. It took me several years to get over it.

My go-to rule is: the busier the place, the bigger turnaround of the dishes - less chances to get a food poisoning. If the place is not busy - more chances to get something defrosted/reheated.

Choose a busy restaurant. Locals aren't going to eat at a place where you can get a vomiting bug.

We had a place near here in the UK whose cleanliness was doubtful. Word got around and it went bust very quickly.