How much should I charge my sons for living at home?

[Choochuw]

I have 3 children.

1 still in high-school.

1 just starting his first proper job after doing volunteering/short apprenticeship.

Just a normal min wage job.

And a 2nd son who will be finishing college soon and again will be getting a min wage job probably.

I am disabled and when they were tiny I always thought it was mean to charge and I do want them to stay home as long as they want.

But obviously all CTC/CB has/will stop.
I do get housing benefit but I will get deductions for them both.
Council tax too.
Food is so expensive now
And my rent had gone up 8%

Should I just work it all out and charge a percentage? Or just charge what it is actually costing me to have them home.

I wish I was in a better situation and didn't have to ask :(

You shouldn't feel bad - wages are not the same as pocket money. People earning a wage are meant to use that for living on.

First of all I'd look at what you're losing out on as a result. How much would that be?

Then look at whether they want a lot of treat food etc. You could say that you need them to make up what you're losing and to buy their own treat food and drink. Once their wages go up, you can rethink things.

Of course they should be paying for their own phone contracts and anything like Sky Sports which only they want.

20% of take home pay. They should also pay their own phone contracts, any subscriptions, any "special food" .

I love what my dm did, to account for db and I earning different amounts. We paid 10% of our income as monthly housekeeping.

I bet you did that's very low.

£160 per month if they are in full time work.

I was paying 200 a month 17 years ago. And my parents were in a better financial position than you are.

200 would be my starting point.

Op I would probably ask for £200-£250 a month each once son 2 is working.

But then son 1 gets a time of non payment that son 2 doesn’t get, that’s not really fair.

OP - how much does it cost to keep them? I would probably ask them to cover what I was loosing. Still cheaper then anything else they’d get.

What you are losing when your benefits stop + a share of utilities + their food.

Then start charging the eldest now and the youngest once he's working.

@DragonFly98 we're talking 2001 and I was 19 and earning 9k a year, trying to save to move out. I also paid for my clothes, phone, car etc.

it’s more the principle of how you set the amount for siblings by percentage rather than a set amount. Surely it’s a token amount (to replace child benefit) rather than charging your own child market rates?!

Well, you need to add up the increase in council tax, how much food they each eat ( this is thought to be £50 a week at present) and an amount for gas, electric and water, and broadband.
they need to pay for their own phones and any tv subscriptions they want

get the bills out and show them what it costs to live.

and then ask them to look at how much a house share would be, and that they are getting a bargain living with you at home

many general guidelines on budgeting say rent should be about 30% of income. So that would be my starting point. Food and toiletries are actually on top of that in the real world.

you don’t do your children any favors letting them think their wages are going further than they really do.

even if you didn’t need the money, it would be ok to charge them rent. Parents who don’t need the money can put some or all of it into a savings account to give their children when they move out.

Alternatively, if the child is responsible, you could have them give you just what it costs to have them live at home and they agree to save the remainder themselves. They shouldn’t be spending wildly though. This is their time to save like crazy.

Point out that even on a low wage and helping out with bills, they will never live this cheaply again.

DD 20 pays 10% atm as she spends a fair bit of time at her bf but it will increase as she earns more. She pays for her own clothes and phone and toiletries.She’s a full time worker.

OP is losing more than just child benefit though as she's disabled (presumably unable to work) so she will lose things like housing benefit too. She will have to charge more to make up for that loss.

Probably about £100 a week each as that is close to what you would have lost in CTC and CB for each of them. If they are working full time NMW it still gives them a lot of spending money.

Are you on PIP? If so you won't have a non dependent deduction on HB.

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/benefits/housing_benefit_deductions_when_living_with_non_dependants#:~:text=Non%20dependant%20deductions%20means%20your,contribute%20something%20towards%20your%20rent.

many general guidelines on budgeting say rent should be about 30% of income. So that would be my starting point.

That sounds too high to me, I charge both my DC £250 per month (they earn around £1850 each) on the understanding that they save a lot of their salary, which they do.

I'd charge what it is actually costing you. Food could easily be £50 each a week I, guessing, you need to rent an extra two bedrooms compared to what you would need if they moved out, and are you losing council tax single person discount? So I think even £350 a month could be reasonable.

Gosh, that’s very generous of you!

Oh OP it's really hard isn't it. I'm experiencing similar at the moment. I always knew my income would drop when I was no longer able to claim UC, CB and the 25% tax discount but tried to plan for it by getting a higher paid job. Now I've lost that higher paid job (redundancy, and I'd only been there 2 years so got fuck all in the way of payout tbh) so I've just got a zero hours in a shop for now and I need a hysterectomy so that'll be a while to recover from ... Meantime DS is earning, first ever job and loving it.

He wants to contribute to bills and rent but I always said I'd never do that - I want this to be his home, he doesn't have any other and I want him to feel welcome, plus I don't want to push my financial issues onto him and for him to enjoy his money.

For now I've accepted him taking over his phone contract and he buys 'treat' things for us - I would feel awful if he paid for my bloody shopping - that's MY job - and I know how to shop and cook cheap and paper over the cracks meal-wise, plus I always massively overpay council tax for the first half of the year so that's got us through until now.

But now this latest council tax year is starting and the tax is really high, so I'm going to have to ask him to put money in for it. I actually hate it. If I didn't have to pay all this extra tax we would be fine. So no advice really, just sympathy. I think you need to explain to them that it's the tax, not you, that's after their money, and ask them to chip in for it.

I know how you feel, I don't want to do it either.

My ds pays £200 a month plus all my petrol as I often take him to work when there’s no public transport. He will also buy a small amount of food stopping.
Your son’s should definitely be contributing, it’s part of growing up and learning to budget.

The last 3 generations in my family and their friends all operated on thirds. A third for rent and expenses a third to save and a third to do what they liked with.
These were all homes that depended on the money and anything special came out of everyone's do what you like money.

Ignore the 10 and 20 percenters and those saying it's all too much. You will also get those saying to just budget and live with it as its their home too. You know you can't do that.

My DS19 pays £160 a month from his £1300 take home.

I still pay his mobile at £45, but have told him he'll need to take that on if he wants an upgrade in June, as I had planned to change him to sim only.

I will be helping him pay a car or insurance when he passes his test, but only for the first year.

Once I pay off my own car later year, I'll be aiming to save maybe £100 per month for him for when he decides to move out. Although that is going to be years away, which is fine by me.

Charge them what they’re costing you by still living at home, and insist that they save a certain % of their wages - I’d ask them to save 25% but that does depend on salary / work expenses / whether they need to learn to drive etc

I guess the question is what you need and how much you're losing by having them there. Look, renting a room with bills in most places is £500 plus a month. So even £250 is a really good deal.

Probably controversial but one family member of mine declared to her kids that she's happy for them to live at home to save, but not for them to use her as cheap housing to be financially irresponsible. One child saw money coming in as money that could go out. So she gave them an option. They could live at home for say £250, providing they put another £250 in a savings account, or they could pay her £375 and the rest was theirs to use as they wish. They had to prove they were putting the money in savings and it was staying in there regularly. She also saved the equivalent of £100 a month from that which she gave back to them when they moved out as a deposit boost. Not exact values of course but general jist.