How much should I charge my sons for living at home?

[Choochuw]

I have 3 children.

1 still in high-school.

1 just starting his first proper job after doing volunteering/short apprenticeship.

Just a normal min wage job.

And a 2nd son who will be finishing college soon and again will be getting a min wage job probably.

I am disabled and when they were tiny I always thought it was mean to charge and I do want them to stay home as long as they want.

But obviously all CTC/CB has/will stop.
I do get housing benefit but I will get deductions for them both.
Council tax too.
Food is so expensive now
And my rent had gone up 8%

Should I just work it all out and charge a percentage? Or just charge what it is actually costing me to have them home.

I wish I was in a better situation and didn't have to ask :(

I paid a third of my salary for food and bills when I started working. I took home 80 a week and gave 30. This was in 1996. Friends paid nothing but would buy 'presents' for the house I was paying 1500 a year at the time and the 'presents' only amounted to 500 a year. I pointed this out as they were showing off about how 'genorous' they were.

People grow up greedy and selfish by not contributing. Dh was another one buying shopping but not contributing. Got the shock of his life with me as I would not let him away with no contribution.

It's difficult to explain to people who don't feel it that way I guess, but for me personally I am the parent and I want to provide a family home. I'm not a landlord charging people. And in my particular situation - which is different from OP's - what is tipping me into having to charge my DS is tax, and that feels really unfair, because tax is supposed to be based on what you've got coming in but council tax isn't based on that. And in OP's situation it's crackers - she's the householder, and her rent is way under the threshold where she'd have to start paying any top up if it was just her.

But the amount of state support OP gets for housing now is less than if she was living alone. At least if they're going to only give her what she'd get for living alone she should get that. Not less than that. She isn't costing anyone any more.

See, this just strikes me as a grim and mean minded way to think about family life. Sorry.

Imtioz

If you get funded by somebody else then you will think it mean minded if they don't or can't afford to 'keep' you.

If you are the person working and paying for all, then it can be very stressful. I could not afford to keep an able bodied adult as I was never 'kept'.

I think it mean minded that I would be expected to keep another adult, I had to work through pregnancy and illness.

At first I didn't ask my husband for a contribution. He noticed that bills were unpaid, services cut off. I bought minimal shopping. THEN I had to become mean minded and ask him!!!

When I've seen this question posed on MoneySavingExpert forums, often the answer is that the young person should spend one third of their wage on rent/board, one third to savings and one third to spend on their bills and personal expenditure.

You could use that as a starting point and decide how to adjust it for your own circumstances.

It does seem mad that I'm disabled and am allowed Housing Benefit of around £1400 a month for my property size but will only recieve about £100 a month because I'm using the rooms that get me that amount of HB in the first place?

I don't know. Its all really confusing to me and I get really anxious about money and stuff as I don't always understand it.

But the kids shouldn't be able to think the state will just support them to stay at home not paying rent. Not in my mind anyway. They're working so should pay their way to contribute to the household.

The state isn't supporting the kids if it covers all rent. It's paying OP's rent that she's entitled to have paid as named leaseholder and the amount charged is well within the amount the government says she needs for rent personally. If she was paying private rent she'd be getting more because the total the rent would be much more so the amount minus deductions would be more again. But, that would all be going ultimately to a private individual (landlord). Instead, in this scenario, OP is either going to be out of pocket or having to charge her teenage kids. It's just a bit skew-whiff.

Wow.

Well I hope you had a long happy marriage 😊

This is a very helpful thread - thank you OP for starting it and I hope you have some valuable info as a result. I do! I work locally part-time and have been very hard up since COVID.

My DC is 18 and on a college course, but also earns. It is only them and I in the house. I don't have a mortgage and because they are FT College - I still get the 25% single person discount. So I wouldn't charge DC any rent/rates element.

My DC earnings are apprentice type wages - a little bit higher but not supermarket level. So I was thinking £50 per week for the weeks they are with me - they also stay with their dad. And I would stop their (according to Mumsnet small) monthly allowance. So I would continue to pay all food (as they take packed lunch every day to college/work plus the cooked evening meal), household expenses, cat costs, council tax, internet, sky, phone, mobile phone, my car costs, holiday costs (if on holiday with me). But not music subscriptions, their car costs, their snacks/coffee out purchases, friend outings/trips/holidays etc. I would be charging them approx. £120 per month. I do occasionally treat them to clothing at the local outlet and will continue to do that. I do expect help around the house and garden and think that needs to continue. My DC gets on OK financially for a start their granny gives them "petrol money" every time we go over even if it is my car used!!

I forgot to add sorry - because DC is in FT education I do still receive at the moment CB of £24 per week. So that is of course additional household income.

It's £55 a week for us.

We did the number crunching late last year and that's the figure in real money to run our house divided by the amount of people using our house each week.

This doesn't take into account losing council tax discount so you might need to make an adjustment to cover this.

Charge them what they cost you and not a penny more.

How people can make money out of their kids is beyond me (not suggesting you're trying to do this OP).

I also don't buy into the 'save it for them' and then give yourself a big old pat on the back for giving it back. TEACH them to save, give them the responsibility/accountability and demonstrate how important it is - creating a life skill, not a big tadaa moment for yourself.

Imtioz
Yes once dh got out of the entitled attitude I see so much of. People call others mean minded as they want to be supported no questions asked.

We did a third in the 90s. I'll ask DD for a third if ever she lives with me long term. My parents also said, one third for your keep, one third, save, one third, spend.

My DS pays me £100 a week. Includes all food and washing done! That is way cheaper than renting somewhere would be but makes up for my loss in council tax single person discount, electricity he uses (big gamer!) and food etc.

I charge my DD1, £250 plus her mobile phone and she shares petrol cost with dh.
This is on the condition she saves a minimum of £500 a month.
No saving means her house keeping goes up, but so far we haven't needed to.

Don't take into a count CTC/CB - that was for you to be able to pay for your DC and you no longer need to do that. Work out how much it costs to run the house - how much they need to contribute for the bills. I would work out food separately. What ever your rent and bills cost will be a lot lower than if they lived alone. If they're being paid as adults and you can't afford to keep them, they need to contribute as adults.

This isn't about making young people pay rent so the learn how to budget (I find that so patronising) This is about real life budgeting and surviving.

I don't like the "well it would cost them more to rent a room elsewhere"! Living with your parents shouldn't be as expensive as a private room rent or rent!

A 1/3 sounds too much - say earning 900 - 300 to parents (child shouldn't be costing you that much and if taking that much you are making a profit). 300 save and 300 spends sounds off! Especially if you are wanting them to eventually move out!!
I'd say a 1/5 rent save 2/5 and spend 2/5.

I appreciate this is more complicated because of the reduction of her benefits because they have got older!

Well, that's fair enough. To me a "family" home doesn't mean financially supporting adult working kids. A family home means everyone contributing when they are in a position to do so. We all have different views on it.

A proportion of the power, water etc bills plus the same for food and drink. If there are three of up then each pays a third

When I was still at home it was 1/3. My parents needed it.
I have three young adults all at home. We do:
First three months working are free. So they can get stuff they’ve never had money for. Driving lessons, new laptop etc.
Then £300 a month. That’s roughly £200 towards food and the extra they cost in bills.
I have said they are always welcome here but when the youngest is 27 I will retire and move out of the London area. If they come with me they have to pay a realistic rent. Say £600. If they don’t I can downsize and give them some cash towards their own place.
I like them knowing these things so they can plan.
It’s very helpful getting the £900 extra. I overpay the last bit of my mortgage.
OP. I would say £300 for your situation.

My family was a third growing up, I never resented it, knew the house didn't magically run itself. When DS gets a job he knows he's got to pay board - we've always talked about it so it's not a shock.

All rent, bills and food to be divided by 3 once each child is working