If you had the money to, would you send your children to private school?

[lomp]

And why?

I think the full question should be - would you send your child to a Private School if you could afford it and your only State option was in Special measure?
If you would answer yes to that then I would seriously judge you

The thing is, it isn’t always an sducational advantage.

I have just compared points at A level / equivalents across the secondary schools in a town with generally good schooling.

A state and a private school share the top score - both schools are selective.

Then a private, about 5 points lower.

5 further points lower, both still well above national average, come a state and a private, both non selective.

A non-selective state cones next, then another non selective private a couple of points lower.

A final state, in an area of high deprivation, brings up the rear.

It is a picture in which the answer to ‘is private or state educationally better?’ is ‘it depends’. The best non-selective state is better than all but the most selective 2 private schools.

It all depends whether you judge success of school purely on exam results. We value the whole experience/journey and private provides that. Not a super selective so GCSE and A-levels are only marginally better but the extra curricular and sports are miles ahead plus behaviour of kids and atmosphere. Doing well in class is valued by students and the relationship between teachers and students is positive and respectful. All of those things matter as much to us as exam results.

@twistyizzy sounds no different to my DC's selective grammar schools. My DC have each left with four A star A-levels but the school had lots more on offer and certainly wasn't an exam factory. Behaviour and motivation levels were both great in the school and it was very useful to have both parents and alumni across a range of professions when it came to university application time. Lots of extra and supra curriculars too. I honestly don't think we could have got a better education if we had paid for it.

But not all of us live in grammar areas! We don't hence it is either falling comps or private

Yes I am aware that not all of us are lucky enough to have all that for free. We would have paid rather than send them to failing comps.

If you would answer no to that, then I would seriously judge you.

I also absolutely don’t believe you. No decent parent would willingly send their child to a school in special measures, if they had the means to provide a better option.

I like that my dds mix with girls from different backgrounds. I don’t like the rarefied siphoning off of children from wealthy families - it just instinctively bothers me.

Wouldnt judge anyone for going private as
respect peoples freedom of choice especially if state option not great or their child was unhappy but the above has always been my reservation about private schools. Frankly my experience of them has not dispelled this concern either. I won’t state examples as will get shouted at by private school parents state school pupils can be vile too etc etc

but the above has always been my reservation about private schools. Frankly my experience of them has not dispelled this concern either. I won’t state examples as will get shouted at by private school parents state school pupils can be vile too etc etc

I thought you said your dc have friends from private schools?

For me this goes beyond academics. On the face of it I did reasonably well - I got 100% in the 11plus at a state primary in a deprived area and so went to state grammar and got straight As followed by a 1st class degree from a good uni. I now have a good career and I'm in a position where a lot of colleagues were privately educated. So people probably see me and think that I did well in state - but I suffer with crippling confidence and anxiety which developed at school and has never left me. I absolutely hated my school environment and always have fekt inadequate. I see the nurturing environment my children now have at the local prep and they are so happy and brimming with confidence. If it helps them to avoid my severe confidence issues then it'll be worth it.

No because we looked around the nearest private school and we so incredibly underwhelmed, I was really surprised. We don’t have many around here but we do have 2 excellent Grammar schools (one boys’, one girls’) so he goes there.

Yes they do. The children from the local normal private schools are lovely but Dd has faced snobbery from some at a top name public school. Not impressed.

If I was still living in the UK: absolutely. The local primary school was not great, the secondary school was a sink school with stabbings and bad behaviour. DD is a very sensitive soul with mild SEN and would not do well. We actually looked at private school, it would have been doable financially for us at the expense of everything else. So that would have meant staying stuck in our two-bed flat and no holidays.

We moved to the Netherlands and she is at an amazing state school, she gets a lot of extra help from school (extra PE lessons, social skill classes, extra skill classes) and through the council (physiotherapy). Any child in the city can go here, no need to live in the catchment area.

When it is time for secondary school she is not geographically bound, so we can pick out of the eight secondary schools that are in our city (or beyond if we were willing to travel), so we can really pick the best one for her. Private doesn't really exist here. I actually remember we looked down on private school pupils, we had one rich girl move to one quite far from our city because she couldn't succeed at the state school.

Yes, I definitely would if I had the money and if DP would let me, neither of which apply sadly!

However I would not want to send a child to a really ‘posh’ school as I don’t like the atmosphere. I would choose an independent day school that was private in order to be academically selective. It could be hard to find the right one, but some are much less ‘public schooly ‘. I would much rather choose a state school than somewhere full of hooray Henry’s talking about cricket. I think a grammar would be ideal but not sure we’ll be living near one.

Why I would is that the state system is inevitably contending with a large number of pupils who are really not bright, or have major behavioral issues, or come from a background where their learning is not encouraged or supported. I don’t actually want my child to be subjected to or held back by their behaviour. Anyone who says they really are ok with that is lying or lives near some very exclusive state schools in high property price zones. In addition to that the facilities, sites and opportunities are often much better.

Definitely, it's a more personal bespoke experience usually in characterful older buildings.

This. We do have the money but no way I’d spend it on this.

No.

My children were/are EHE.
That way they get a genuinely bespoke education tailored to their personal aptitudes and abilities, time to travel and expand their horizons and a far more useful skillset than they get any other way.

No. We actually looked at it but the ones locally are either hot houses and DD would have had issues passing their admission tests without serious tutoring or were the ones you sent your child to when they don't pass the test but you don't want to send them to state schools.

These ones also don't offer 6th forms and their reputation is so that it's difficult for brighter children to get into good 6th forms as their academic levels are quite low.

Luckily our state schools are great, DD is now in Y12, predicted AAB, and they were really good when she started with anxiety and panic attacks and her subsequent ASD/ADHD diagnosis.

No find it vulgar and wouldn’t teach my child a state school isn’t good enough for them

Teaches vulgar entitlement

Yes, I would, and would’ve if DC hadn’t gotten into an outstanding grammar school. The outstanding, oversubscribed comprehensive in which we are catchment for, is nowhere in comparison when it comes to the excellent teaching, extracurricular activities, sport availability, small class sizes, campus/ground size and pastoral care that the private provides. It’s a whole different world. The grammar may have better GCSE and A-level results, but even it cannot compete in the other arenas that I’ve mentioned above.

It’s parents that do that not schools. I know of plenty of awfully entitled state school educated pupils.

Yep. It happened to me, I got pulled out because my parents could t afford it anymore and I got bullied. And that was 45 years ago.

I couldn't afford it. I sent my daughter to an independent (private) school from 11-18.

The first year was covered by an assisted place, as I'd been a student the year before. But the cost of uniform was crippling. Then, after we'd bought that, they fixed a non-uniform outing so dd had to have another set of clothes we couldn't afford. Harsh! Watch out for those hidden expenses.

Assisted places were then ended. I remember when dd was in her final year it was so hard to get the money together that I nearly didn't make it, and school was pushing all the time to get the money in.

Was it worth it? Absolutely. Through school she had opportunities I could never have given her. It's the reason she has a well-paid job, an impressive (and lovely) husband, a fabulous home and a dd of her own in a much more expensive independent school.

Some people want to be disdainful of private education. Enjoy that. Some people will have no choice other than state or church schools and will do their very best to support their children through that. Some will leave it to chance. But some of us will scrape together what little we have and put it towards not cars or holidays, fake tans and waxes, but our children's futures.

Why did you get PTSD by other children’s confidence? What about it made you so miserable that you compelled to punish them when you have a chance?