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If you had the money to, would you send your children to private school?

283 replies

lomp · 31/03/2024 17:25

And why?

OP posts:
Xyz1234567 · 31/03/2024 21:35

It depends on a number of variables. In my ideal world, all children would attend excellent local state schools where they could thrive.
Meanwhile, in my part of Scotland, state education is going to hell in a hand cart. The curriculum is tripe, ASN pupils are flung into mainstream schools and left to sink or swim ( I'll let you figure the outcome) and behaviour is increasingly feral.
Am I incredibly grateful I can pay for my children to avoid this shit show? Hell yes. Tragically, I am speaking as a state school teacher.

isitbananatimealready · 31/03/2024 21:36

When dd was 13, she auditioned and was offered a full-time place at a specialist performing arts school. Unfortunately, it was an unfunded place, so she couldn't go. It's complicated, but that particular year the school was unusually short on funding. Our bad luck.

Would we have sent her if we had the money? Yes, absolutely.

She auditioned again for 6th form entry, and that time they offered her a fully-funded place.

Nicetobenice67 · 31/03/2024 21:37

BibbleandSqwauk · 31/03/2024 21:35

@TwigTheWonderKid then I'm afraid we will have to agree to disagree. I would never and did not put my child's mental and physical health at greater risk by leaving them in the bear pit of their state school so they could somehow benefit from the experience in the long term. They are now safe, confident and supported in their small, private environment. It's not Eton. They and plenty of their peers are not landed gentry. We live in one of the highest areas of social deprivation in the UK..they're not oblivious..just don't have their lives made fucking miserable and terrifying every day any more. I sincerely hope your children are never in that position and have their mum shove them through the gate everyday regardless, on principle.

💯

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Rudolftheorange · 31/03/2024 21:37

No, I’d make large donations to my state schools my kids attend.

Nicetobenice67 · 31/03/2024 21:37

Rudolftheorange · 31/03/2024 21:37

No, I’d make large donations to my state schools my kids attend.

Never enough to make a difference

Heatherbell1978 · 31/03/2024 21:38

I have the quiet, middle ability child who has gone under the radar for years in an increasingly disruptive class. Diagnosed dyslexic recently which was a complete surprise to the school - they honestly barely know who he is as a result of firefighting continuously with behavioural issues in his class. So in August he's off to private school. Wasn't planned and I'm sad that we've felt this need. He's 10. I honestly don't know if we'll be able to send DD as well but we have 5 years to worry about that as she's happy in the same state primary.

Nicetobenice67 · 31/03/2024 21:39

Heatherbell1978 · 31/03/2024 21:38

I have the quiet, middle ability child who has gone under the radar for years in an increasingly disruptive class. Diagnosed dyslexic recently which was a complete surprise to the school - they honestly barely know who he is as a result of firefighting continuously with behavioural issues in his class. So in August he's off to private school. Wasn't planned and I'm sad that we've felt this need. He's 10. I honestly don't know if we'll be able to send DD as well but we have 5 years to worry about that as she's happy in the same state primary.

Your doing the right thing

BibbleandSqwauk · 31/03/2024 21:39

@Rudolftheorange so still using money to skew the equation then? That's like those who use their wealth to achieve a certain catchment area, or private tutors for the 11+. It's all the same.

Rudolftheorange · 31/03/2024 21:40

Nicetobenice67 · 31/03/2024 21:37

Never enough to make a difference

I’m fortunate to have good state schools with lovely, skilled and dedicated staff but they are in dire financial situation (I’m a governor). Trust me, a £40k (cost of two private school places where I live) donation every year would very much make a difference.

TheaBrandt · 31/03/2024 21:42

No but the state option is decent and single sex. The upside when comparing the two was negligible so on balance not worth the outlay. Both thriving academically with nice friends so not sure what I would be paying all that money for.

Rudolftheorange · 31/03/2024 21:43

BibbleandSqwauk · 31/03/2024 21:39

@Rudolftheorange so still using money to skew the equation then? That's like those who use their wealth to achieve a certain catchment area, or private tutors for the 11+. It's all the same.

I’m just saying what I would do if I could afford it. The way I see it rather than using your wealth to isolate from your community, you can use it to benefit both your kids indirectly but also the other children in your community.

I’m in favour of taxes to improve state education too. But if I suddenly came into enough wealth to pay for private schooling then I’d also pour the cash into the schools I’m connected with.

BibbleandSqwauk · 31/03/2024 21:44

For that school yes. What about the one next door? Opponents of private school often assume it's about "keeping out the riffraff" or whatever but I'm sure that most parents who stretch and struggle to afford the fees would be delighted not to have to IF they felt that the state schools could adequately support and protect their kids and that takes more than one open handed governor. Systemic change so that private schools aren't necessary is the only way to break down this divide.

BibbleandSqwauk · 31/03/2024 21:46

@Rudolftheorange as I stated upthread, I can't afford it. I'm scraping it together and racking up debt to pay the fees. I'm sorry if it's selfish but that level of sacrifice means I'm directing it for my kids only. It would be a drop in the ocean in the 1200 comp they left.

TheaBrandt · 31/03/2024 21:47

I wouldn’t judge individuals but systemically I think they are damaging - the fact politicians have an “escape hatch” means they can safely underfund education for the general public

Xyz1234567 · 31/03/2024 21:49

GradGrindian · 31/03/2024 20:02

Not if they want to go into media or academia.
DH, I and some colleagues have a bit of a pact not to hire private school kids.
We don't quite have a '478 days since we ' notice board' but it is a topic of conversation. And I think particularly women in management are less likely to be charmed or make assumptions about ability these days.
In the case of media, unless their parents are bank rolling the Production Company, the public school kids people tend to be very narrow in their experiences and storytelling. If you are prepared to commission my film then I'll find a runner job for all your mates kids.
I also can't bare the pompous confidence that they generally have - I've got PTSD from growing up near Eton.

What a narrow, insular, somewhat bitter way of seeing the world. I can't bear it.
You're making sweeping assumptions.
You may be missing out on some excellent talent with this attitude, in my humble state-educated opinion.

CurlewKate · 31/03/2024 21:50

I did have the money and I didn't send my children to private school.

edwinbear · 31/03/2024 21:50

@TwigTheWonderKid you don’t live in SE London do you. Our catchment state secondary school has airport style scanners the kids have to go through to check them for knives. Two kids have been stabbed to death as a result of gang culture/county lines. Your idealism works great if you live in a leafy comp area. It doesn’t work if you live in Lewisham/Catford.

Rudolftheorange · 31/03/2024 21:53

edwinbear · 31/03/2024 21:50

@TwigTheWonderKid you don’t live in SE London do you. Our catchment state secondary school has airport style scanners the kids have to go through to check them for knives. Two kids have been stabbed to death as a result of gang culture/county lines. Your idealism works great if you live in a leafy comp area. It doesn’t work if you live in Lewisham/Catford.

I think this is a fair point.
I never judge people who send their kids private for special needs or safety reasons.

I went to a VERY rough school and I actually think my whole life perspective, politics and choice of career has been different as a result. So I don’t think I’d want to have gone to a private school.

Doratheexplorer1 · 31/03/2024 21:54

StopStartStop · 31/03/2024 17:46

I didn't have the money. I still sent the child to independent secondary school. It was a struggle but we made it. She has had many more opportunities in life, through going to that school, than I, as a divorced mother, could have given her any other way. It was worth it. My granddaughter is now in a much more expensive independent school, in keeping with the lifestyle of her parents.

This is really beautiful. ♥️

BibbleandSqwauk · 31/03/2024 21:54

@CurlewKate and were your kids NT, bright, confident, well liked? Was the state offering in your area good or outstanding? Presumably they flourished and did well? That's brilliant. What this thread is clearly demonstrating though is that those of us who have a terrible state offering or whose kids have been let down by the state are v v grateful there is an alternative. I can feel that way and still be sad and upset that it's not available to all. But leaving my kids to suffer and struggle will not help in the slightest.

trippingthelightfantastic1 · 31/03/2024 21:58

Yes. Smaller classes, more individual attention, less tolerance of bad/disruptive behaviour, extra-curricular opportunities, longer days but longer holidays and better facilities.

Most private schools, even those considered the most elitist, have bursaries. Children also mix with people outside school. It is absurd to think they live in a cocoon and have no idea about the real world. If that is the case it will be down to more than schooling!

EweCee · 31/03/2024 22:00

Our ofsted outstanding state school completely and utterly failed our child, academically and pastorally, so we had no choice but to move to private. They thrived in the smaller, nurturing environment with a wealth of co- curricular offerings where the state could literally only manage one English and one Maths lesson a day and spent the rest of the time firefighting behavioural problems (and that wasn’t even why we moved them - we moved them because of threat to life). Then we had the choice of going back to state secondary or staying private - they excelled academically and got in to a selective independent and I cannot imagine that the local state schools (where many of their friends go) offer even half of what they are offered at their independent both academically, pastorally or through co- curricular. It wasn’t our plan, but we are making it work and not looking back.

GradGrindian · 31/03/2024 22:01

So law has a lot of blind recruitment but at the end of the day moving through the ranks demands a certain level of post uni funding so it's a bit private school self selecting.

Media - say you want a job in tv, the normal start is kit room or runner.
To move up to Production you need to be able to talk to people, lots of people, understand them and break down the barriers that prevent them telling their story on screen.
Your private school kid with no experience of a mate with school meals or just being aware of where the local food bank is, is pointless for Bake Off. They are never going to understand how practising a showstopper will cost some serious coin. You need people who can cover a mates embarrassment, fix it and move on. A normal state school skill set.
And that applies across all daytime, documentaries, fly on the wall.

Obviously, people drop out, can't afford to fund the gaps between jobs, so by 30, the ratios shift and the ones that have clung on are often private school. But I just ask - where do you live, travel, tell me about the people you've met... And that's how you find the niche experts and the interesting bus drivers, school dinner ladies, etc.

Academically - honestly if your parents have paid so much for education, they always add the school in. DH sometimes does the medic interviews, he can tell, they all nod to each other when they come in on mass.

Mummame2222 · 31/03/2024 22:02

MrsSchrute · 31/03/2024 17:31

Nope. I think private schools are morally indefensible and should be abolished.

I agree. I would never do it.

PinkPlantCase · 31/03/2024 22:02

We will if our kids don’t get into grammar school for secondary.

State schools didn’t suit me or DH so I have little faith that they will suit our children.

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