What advice would you give DS starting secondary/high school?

[Sleepdeprived42long]

DS starting high school after the summer. He’s a good kid but probably a bit sheltered! I found high school overwhelming/stressful-both academic and social aspects. I’d like to try to prepare DS and start having some conversations with him now while he’s still listening to me! So, hit me with your top tips for getting through high school!!!

Same OP! You sound very caring. If you think he might struggle with the social aspect maybe do some fun role playing for small talk/ starting conversations ? And make it clear to him that you are always here for him and he can talk to you about anything <3

I teach secondary. What kind of school is he going to? Is he quite confident in himself and his likes / dislikes? One of my kids is and has whatever bag / coat etc they like. They own their choices and feel no concern about "fitting in". The other likes to be invisible and goes for entirely non-descript plain stuff that no one will comment on. Secondary kids can latch on to anything to single out someone in at attempt to bond themselves. I see it every year, but the happiest kids are the ones who are themselves and find their tribe.

In practical terms, make sure he has multiple copies of his timetable and one on the fridge. . Have a stash of spare stationary he can top up his pencil case with. If you can, have spare PE stuff so there are no last minute panics.

If allowed, stash a few snacks in his bag..not sweets but something like malt loaf or single wrapped brioche rolls or something, an apple maybe. If lunch is rushed or confusing in those first days and he doesn't quite manage to get there or have time to eat without being left sat alone, he can grab one if those.

Practise with him how to ask politely for information he's missed or instructions. Eg "well I dunno what page it is!" goes down less well than "Miss, what page is it please?".

Most important..reassure him that everyone feels scared and overwhelmed and it will be fine.

There are loads of kids there who don't know many people.
We suggested saying hello to everyone, and choosing who to spend more time with later.
Also, try and get him to try out all clubs he might be interested in. It's a way to find friends, and it's much easier to start at the beginning than try and join in part way through (we failed with DS2 on this one).

We also sent him with packed lunch and money for lunch the first week. And said we weren't bothered if lunch came back because nice people were going to the canteen and he wanted to join them.

Buy an extra tie! DS lost his after his first PE lesson. Coukd have done without the drama the next morning when he realised he couldn't find it 🙄

Such brilliant advice already-some of these I definitely wouldn’t have thought of and would be really helpful for DS. He’s quite a quiet kid and takes a while to make friends so I think some ‘coaching’ on small talk and how to ask questions of teachers will be good for him. Thank you to all who have responded to far-I’m very very grateful 🙏

Bump-anyone got anything else not already mentioned?

My daughter joined a swimming club a while before she joined secondary school, and l can't put a price on the benefits it has brought her. She knows loads of people at her new school in all years. Inagree with pp - don't be too strict on the school dinner/ packed lunch thing in the early days . Tell them that their friends are welcome round to your house and try and make sure they have got someone to walk to school with on the firat week.

Following! I have a DD starting in September.

My DD needed to be told

• don't be like Hermione Granger in lessons with hand up all the time
• don't be bothered by people doing minor rule infringements
• don't annoy the older years
• if you get lost ask for directions

It is a tough transition so I helped DD for the first term to organise herself with printing off her timetable and sticking to every available surface and making sire she had the right books etc every morning. I told her by the 2nd term she was then responsible for organising herself.
Buy lots of stationary so there is a constant supply of pens etc.
Apart from that I just said to be yourself and she quickly identified her tribe. I prepared her for fluid friendship groups over the first year but in fact that hasn't been the case and she has a tight knit little group that formed after Week 2.
Encourage him to join as many clubs as possible, it really helps with friendships.
Don't let any anxiety you have show, they have enough to deal with without taking on your worries too

This is really helpful so joining for tips. Twins starting high school this year too, and already getting nervous (me and them!)

That was me this time last year but so far she is thriving so I wasted a lot of energy fretting about it !

I'm here to listen as well -- my DS will be very young starting secondary, and no one from his current school is going there.

DD said the best thing I did was to buy her a cute (small) toiletry bag with mini deodorant, lip balm, mirror, mini harbrush, 2 x pads + 2 x liners in. Meant she was always prepared.
I also put 2 pairs of tights at the bottom of her bag for replacement if the pair she was wearing got laddered.

DS started in September. I was surprised how quickly he found his way around and made a gang of mates. The best thing he did was join as many after school and lunchtime clubs as he could. He is not sporty, but has joined science club, drama club, debating club, chess club, creature care club, STEM club, book club, puzzle club, blogging club... there are so many, all for free and offer the opportunity to get to know so many new people as well as form good relationships with the teachers who run them.

My best advice would be not to get involved in the Y7 WhatsApp drama. He’ll want to be on it, but after all the shenanigans when DS started Y7, (now Y10), I advised DD (current Y7) to just be a silent observer.

Oh god yes all of this! DD joined the WhatsApp group but as a silent observer and has avoided so much drama..
Also @Sleepdeprived42long would advise not giving out phone number in the first few weeks until he susses people out. Plus no TikTok etc..

Get them an clear envelope folder for their bag for all their random bits of paper.

Get them to check their timetable for tomorrow every night and pack all the books before bed. Keep all school stuff at home in one box/cupboard, like a home locker.

My DS is in Y8 now and is a quiet, geeky, unusual little soul. But he's still managed to find his people. Despite not going out of his way to make friends, as is his way, people have befriended him because he's nice.

He will, I'm sure, find his crew.

He also mutes the annoying WhatsApp dramas. In their school there's a hub they can go to at lunchtime if they're on their own and not sure what to do, where they can do a bit of homework of play on the computers.

I've found secondary teachers are really a lot more supportive and really look out for the kids more than they used to, well at least in my day, so they do keep an eye on the new ones and are a point of contact if you need them

I have a big storage box where he puts all his exercise/text books...also a big box of spare stationery. I keep a copy of his timetable on my phone

If they have online homework, and they don't know an answer... submit it anyway. Otherwise its automatically late. Whereas a missing question can be sorted.

Take a book - it's excellent to use at lunch, break, free periods etc if he is on his own but dorsnt want to look lost, if that makes sense.

Rather than standing around or sat on their own doing nothing, at least sat on their own but reading a book makes them look busy. My dcs both used this tactic a few times, a couple of times another pupil in tne same boat asked if they could sit and read with them!

It just means they dont have a fear of it being obvious they are on their own while they find new friends.

Pin a list to the back of the front door of daily essentials: lunch/bus money, keys, phone, p.e. kit, homework, etc. for him to check on his way out for the first week or two.

Tell him that he will be there for 5 years so not to worry if he doesn't understand something. He will have plenty of time to learn . . .

Yes, set up systems so he can be organised with all his stuff.

We took note of the high school kids bags and shoes the term before dd started so she had the sort of stuff that fitted in.

Same with lunch stuff. I bought paper bags on amazon since she didn't have to take stuff In Tupperware. She wasn't bothered when she got out of year seven.

Apple air tags attached to important stuff. We used it this week to track down something important left on a local bus