What advice would you give DS starting secondary/high school?

[Sleepdeprived42long]

DS starting high school after the summer. He’s a good kid but probably a bit sheltered! I found high school overwhelming/stressful-both academic and social aspects. I’d like to try to prepare DS and start having some conversations with him now while he’s still listening to me! So, hit me with your top tips for getting through high school!!!

No whatsapp Groups. Hard hard hard no.

My only instruction to my son this year was ‘keep your head down’. He then decided to be the only kid in school wearing shorts and he also has a mullet!

in our school it’s fine to put your hand up in class. Even fine to be a Hermione Granger type, especially in y7 - loads of them are like this.

a large enough bag to take everything in was essential. When my eldest took a separate PE bag he lost it three times in the first term. You can only buy our uniform online so we had to scrabble around on Facebook marketplace for second hand.

dont be afraid to contact school with worrries. A supportive parent is worth their weight in gold!

drive by the school at pick up and see if there are non negotiables - or wait until September is started before buying coat etc. At ours nearly everyone has a black puffer coat and a plain black bag. Loads wear Nike trainers for school but I won’t buy them for mine - too expensive and who knows when the school will suddenly crack down on it!

Also I literally check every bit of homework and do it with my kids if they need help. My eldest is in year 9 and I will carry on next year. We always do Maths revision together and actually really enjoy it. Schools all have online systems now.

Also my eldest has only found his real friendship group towards the end of y8/beginning of y9 - there is a lot of change during y7 - give anyone ‘naughty’ a fairly wide berth for the time beginning - they may end up being your friend but wait until you are sure you can avoid being drawn into anything and you have established yourself as a rule follower.

One last thing - it’s so much easier to make friends at Secondary. My eldest in particular was friendly with everyone at primary but didn’t have a single person he could deceive as a ‘friend’ - now he has loads!

we have vertical tutor groups so he has also made friends with older ones which is nice.0

Ive never checked all homework , we used to have an app which notified me when it was set and when it was handed in, but I only get a notification about maths now.
I ask if they have any and encourage (sometimes multiple times!) to do it and I'll try to help if needed, but I don't check anything.

Do use the school, as in the teachers can be very kind if a child is struggling and may agree to allow them to sit near a friend or other changes.
Can't believe the difference this made to my shy child in maths when she felt she had an ally to sit next to and so didn't dread the lesson.
Nip problems in the bid and let school know of any issues or worries.
Really the biggest problem is shifting friend groups and maybe talk a bit about that and that it's natural not his fault if things change.
Also try and keep a club or group seperate to school if possible so there is always that option to socialise.

This thread is amazing! Thank you for all of the tips.

So many practical and supportive tips-mumsnet at its best! Thank you everyone! X