What advice would you give DS starting secondary/high school?

[Sleepdeprived42long]

DS starting high school after the summer. He’s a good kid but probably a bit sheltered! I found high school overwhelming/stressful-both academic and social aspects. I’d like to try to prepare DS and start having some conversations with him now while he’s still listening to me! So, hit me with your top tips for getting through high school!!!

Also schools normally have at least one transition day next term that helps and my son's school had older kids showing them around for the first week or so

Some great tips here - thank you! DC here starting in September too.

If there’s a school coach or school bus do NOT sit in the back where the sixth formers usually sit.

absolutely buy a duplicate tie and any other essential bits of kit (stock up second hand). Second geometry set. A dozen pritt sticks off Amazon.

buy the school bag / jacket / shoes with care : study what kids are wearing at the school gate if need be.

My advice would be to plan arrangements for walking to school with friends, well in advance and make sure they're clear on time and place. We had tears several times the first week because DS had not made firm plans and didn't know where friends were going to be

He's year 9 now and still not great at planning things in advance!

Take a pack of cards

The amount of kids I see at school playing a card game during lunch

My son goes to the school I teach at but we knew he'd need to get the train home sometimes so he rode the train alone in the summer holidays to practise.
Make sure he can use email/ teams/ mobiles.
Get family link/ find my kid app for his phone.
Make sure he can tie laces/ ties (many kids can't).
Get him cooking basic meals independently/ helping and using knives etc for food tech.

So much great advice! Thank you all so much 😊

Just thought of another... if they are going to be letting themselves in & out of the house then buy one of those long stretchy plastic coil key rings and clip it into their school bag. No more misplaced keys!

^Good advice.

I'd suggest he carefully writes down any homework and hand in dates. He has spare stationery and you label all of his clothing including PE kit and coat. Use the sew in labels. Stick a timetable on to the back of a kitchen cupboard door and school term dates too.

A key safe and spare keys is useful for the whole family in case you get locked out.

Label EVERYTHING.

Anyone else not giving their child a phone? The school is walking distance, 9 mins.

My DD doesn't take her phone to school (unless its one of the days she has rehersals past 5pm). 5 min walk, doesn't see the point.

But has it at home for doing homework, talking with friends etc (but doesn't go near near the big WhatsApp groups as she says they are pointless!)

Mine have a 5 min walk but still take their phone

• useful for the panicking ‘I’ve forgotten my PE kit’ ‘I’ve forgotten my cookery ingredients’ and ‘Mum you’ve forgotten to put money on my dinner money account’

Yup, or I've forgotten my glasses. 🙄 (I've no idea how he wears them all the time!!)

Dd is autistic and starting secondary this year. I’m very worried about the ‘Herminone’ parts of her personality!! She’s never shy to speak out in class and rule breaking annoys her very much - she’s going to a very strict school, partly in the hope that there will be less rule breaking for her to get stressed about.

i’m honestly very worried that she won’t find her tribe, but keeping my fingers firmly crossed…

I will add learning to tie an apron for food lessons!
Also- if he has a hobby outside school - keep it up. It's nice to have a constant thing that isn't school.

My daughter is in year 7 now and has settled in ok I think. She has made a lot of new friends but she is quite… I don’t know how to phrase it… “ socially mainstream”. She’s into a lot of things that other girls are into. Taylor Swift, expensive make up brands and Stanley cups. My friends daughter at the same school ( who is absolutely lovely) is a real football fanatic and perhaps feels a bit more of an outsider. So a bit of bolstering about being your own person is probably a good idea.

On a practical level if the school has quite a lot of branded uniform then check to see if they have second hand sales. Our school has tons of it which was on sale at the transition days / open days. I bought an entire uniform second hand. ( it’s very distinctive non generic )

Join any parents Facebook / WhatsApp group if they exist. Especially useful when trying to get to grips with the school apps.

For name labels I bought these plastic tags that you click on to the care labels. They’re really fast and more durable than sticker / iron on labels. They’re advertised for older people in care homes 😀

I have had to be much more intrusive with the homework than I thought I would be. I have an app that allows me to check what is due.

I have found a very economical tutoring site called Preply which has really helped with the French as she was not doing well at all. It was causing a lot of tears at home so I feel it’s bolstered her confidence in that area.

Try and consider what is fashionable to some extent when buying the coats and bags etc. Don’t force a coat from Mountain Warehouse if they hate it even if it is practical and has a hood. They won’t wear it. There’s always an acceptable middle ground I find.

@Noraton my DD also starts in Sep!

@Sleepdeprived42long thanks - v useful thread.

@Divebar2021 please may you share details of the name tag thing you mentioned? Thank you

On name labels...
When you wash their pe kit etc, check the label in it. Somehow DD bought home other people's, not just her own, it instead of her own. After the first few weeks they got better at it!

Also on uniform... start looking for generic stuff now. I naively thought navy sport leggings (small logo allowed) would be easy... they were in adult sizes, not in child!

I got a lot of second hand (school branded) pe kit from facebook. And sold some too.
M and S sometimes have 20% off school uniform sales and i try to get shirts and trousers there. (But its earlier in the year not July or August when everyone's buying uniform!)

@HelpMeUnpickThis

sure… it’s called Snappy Tags and you get this little device to click them on. I got a care home kit which came with a range of other labels for the shoes etc.

I'd say the advice my mum gave me, which I gave to ds.

Behave well in the first year, and for the rest of the time in the school, you can get away with bending the rules almost as far as you like because the teachers will assume it wasn't you.

None of us are badly behaved but we all hate being singled out, and all of us sometimes like to do our own thing. Getting a reputation as 'No trouble' really helps.

Help with timetable/what books needed at the start, spare stationary, help with a folder system for at home if needed (week A and B and all that malarkey), emergency £20 in bag, key sewn into bag, take photos of timetable and any passes/bus pass for when inevitably lost. Step back as soon as possible so they can learn. Frozen pizza/snacks for impromptu friends- great age to establish an open house (and then you’ll always know what’s going on!)