how much do you do for your teenage child?

[FunnysInLaJardin]

it seems that there is a real divide here and so am very interested to know what is normal.

I have a 14 yo and an 18 yo. We cook their main meal for them usually, do their washing, make lunches for college, run them to activities if we need to, take them to the bus stop in the morning.

They will sort their own food if we are not around, make their beds, keep their rooms and areas tidy, get themselves around by bus or walking, put their washing away, change their bedding. Obvs organise and complete any school work.

Would you say that is normal?

Our eldest are 16 and nearly 14 and it sounds similar to us except for the bus stop runs. But we live an 8-10 minute walk from the stop, if it was 45 minutes then we probably would take them.

They do have chores too, like loading the dishwasher, hoovering etc. And we have a dog walking rota so dh, me and eldest two dc all take turns.

Do they do anything for the household? It sounds like they just clean their rooms and occasionally make food for themselves? At 14 ages I was hoovering, cleaning the kitchen etc. it's important to realise the house belongs to everyone and everyone needs to look after it.

We are the same as you OP. We make lunch for our teens, transport them about and do their meals and laundry.

They can cook and do it for fun sometimes but aren't made to make meals.

Our eldest is 25 and very self sufficient in her own home which is clean and tidy so definitely isn't the case that if you help them at home they will be inept adults.

It is so nice to read that many other parents are the same. My kids are great and will do anything I ask really. They give me no trouble at all and are generally very nice people.

On that basis I am also very happy to do what I need and want to do for them because I love them.

I have no doubt that DS1 will we able to be entirely self sufficient when he goes to uni in September, but for now I enjoy helping him out where I can

16 and 13 year old...exactly same as you

Luckily we have a cleaner so no-one needs to do the hoovering etc. If they needed to they would know what to do

They are very thoughtful when it comes to keeping the house tidy. Always put dirty washing in their laundry baskets, never leave dirty dishes or cups in their rooms, hang their towels up etc

I’m very similar to you although I don’t make lunches in the week because they eat at school. If there’s leftovers I will box them up for 19yr old to take to work, otherwise he gets lunch from the shop. I have wondered how other people’s household work if older children do their own washing- do you have set days? I have thought about how it would work for my eldest but can just imagine I would be moaning about washing left in the machine/on the dryer so just carried on doing it with everyone else’s. I just find it easier to carry on doing the jobs I’ve always done since I had them!

Sounds normal to me.
I make dinner. Everyone sorts out other meals themselves usually except I'll make porridge and coffee on weekday mornings and teens will have that. I'm up early and have time to do it. They usually buy lunch.
Sometimes if I'm back early, I'll make a nice after school snack for them.
Teens tend to partially deal with own laundry, take out bins and recycling and help out with cleaning when I ask them.
I'll be a taxi if required though they are good at getting around themselves.

I made DC's lunches every day throughout their teens. Cooked dinner every night. Did their washing. Taxied them to the station and picked them up almost every day.

But one had complex SEN and the other had mild SEN, and we lived in a village a fair way from school so they had to be up at dawn to catch a train, then back late sometimes having waited on freezing platforms for cancelled trains for an hour.

And they were both very academic, so I reckoned it was their job to work at school and mine and DH's job to make home life comfortable and stress free for them.

They are both now great cooks, wash and iron their own clothes, and have strong work ethics.

And if I ask them to do a specific job they will do it but we have a cleaner too so she does the main clean. Their rooms are pretty well kept in between by them. I just want them to keep mess to a minimum, I don’t mind the rest!

Our eldest is 25 and very self sufficient in her own home which is clean and tidy so definitely isn't the case that if you help them at home they will be inept adults.

Couldn't agree more!

Mine are 14 and 17. I do their laundry and we cook their dinner. They make their own lunches although if I'm making something for my own lunch that they like, I'll make extra.

They make their own way to school and after school activities although I collect .

They change their own bedding (when prompted) and hoover their rooms. We have a rota for emptying the dishwasher, putting washing out, sorting the recycling etc. Both make a huge fuss if I ever ask them to go to the shop (about 10 min walk each way) to get a few things, even if they want the item themselves, and sometimes just refuse.

see this is what I think. My parents looked after me like I look after my DC and when I left home at 18 I was more than able to manage!

There are lots of household tasks though other than hoovering and cleaning.

They could put the bins out, do the washing up/load the dishwasher, do some gardening, cook you all dinner.

I am sure some kids grow up into self sufficient adults anyway but I don't think it helps kids if they don't do anything for the household as a whole.

and maybe bizarrely after reading the boomers thread my parents were from the Great Generation as they were born in the 1920's but were still wonderful caring parents!

only I am allowed to load the dishwasher in this house 😁

20 & 18 DS, 15DD. I'll do their laundry if its in the basket but dont go looking in their rooms for it - although all are perfectly able to do their own but makes sense to do 1 load instead of individual ones. Cook their dinner & eat as family. They look after own rooms, dishwasher, set table etc. Help with other jobs when asked without issue & able to do all tasks but I work at home so generally do most through day. They sort own breakfast & lunches during week, if I've made something at weekend they might join us or opt to make their own.
All 3 are able to step up & cook family meals when needed. DS1 student will make lunch for me if he's doing his own, especially if he sees I'm busy.
We've always told them it's about pulling together as a family, not letting 1 person do it all. Hoping to raise my sons to be decent partners/hubby's in time. I've followed my DMs route & DBs all seem to be pretty decent so far.
Don't give any lifts to DS, perfectly able to get bus or walk but we live on outskirt of city so decent public transport if needed & free for them as we're in Scotland. During day DD will walk, bus etc but if out later at friends, activities I do give lifts.

How about unloading it then?

maybe, that's DH's job!

Yeah same as us (19, 14 and 11 yo).

Surely there are some household tasks that you or DH do that you wouldn't mind your kids doing?

You seem to really enjoy housework 😅

and honestly they are capable of doing any household task including DIY in DS2's case. Loads of times I've asked him to sort blown bulbs, change a fuse etc.

Just dont see the point in making them do stuff which is easy for me or DH to do

I actually quite enjoy the mindless routine stuff after a busy day at work, NOT cleaning though, ever

Just imagine depriving your children of that joy!

Same here OP. At home I never cooked, did laundry etc but once I left home at 19 I just learnt. No google then but I still learnt.