How to deal with rude woman

[user1471527955]

Looking for advice on how to deal with this situation. I go to a fitness class where all participants are lovely except one woman. We went out as a group last night & I sat next to her. She told me my hair looks awful, dry & badly cut. I told her to stop being rude but she continued. She said she isn't being rude just truthful.
Previously she said my face is nice even though it's fat.
There were no other seats available!
I will see her twice a week so wondering how to deal with this. She's very 'in your face.'

People like this are always insecure. They feel so bad about themselves that they have to try and bring other people down. It’s sad really. So, I will ignore it for a bit, but if it continues I always go with “does commenting on my appearance /weight/ clothes/ house make you feel better about yourself? How sad for you, I hope you feel better soon” Stops them dead in their tracks, every time!

So what I do is look people up and down very, very slowly, meet their gaze, wait for 10 seconds or so then say, ‘I didn’t quite catch that, what did you say?’. They never repeat themself.

I’d mention it to the teacher so that they’re aware.

To her, a finger over your lips and a loud “SSSSHHHH. I don’t want to hear from you” would be fine.

If she carries on, an open hand held out infront of you, towards her face with a “Be quiet now, Linda”

'I'm not rude I say what's on my mind '

The two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.

If she really doesn't wind it in, I think I'd have to resort to, "have you always been such a bitch, or do you think you might have dementia?"

These twisted and poisonous souls never cease to amaze me with their capacity for targeting others with spiteful barbs in an attempt to distract themselves from their inner ugliness and self-loathing.

I think you need something that can't be turned into you being rude or aggressive or blah blah blah. You don't want anyone to see it as tit for tat.

So while 'will you shut the fuck up, no one asked for your 'opinion' you judgemental twat!' would be very satisfying, It's probably best to go for something like a loud and shocked
'How dare you! That's incredibly insulting, don't ever speak to me like that again!' and turn your back to her.
If it's loud enough for everyone to stop talking and stare at her then all the better.

No harm mentioning it to the tutor.

I actually wouldn't respond. I'd probably just laugh at her. She's not right in the head.

Don't go running to the teacher - you're not children, you're adults and you need to deal with this yourself. Tell her to keep her opinions to herself, if she keeps trying to speak to you, ignore her and walk away. You don't have to engage with her, you're entitled to say 'I think you're a very rude woman, don't speak to me'

This may not be significant but her adult daughter is NC with her.

In your shoes I probably wouldn't have been able to think what to say to her.

But afterwards I would be kicking myself for not saying "now I know why this was the only seat available".

Others in the group may have been trying to avoid her, they have probably had a similar experience to you. I would definitely mention it to the teacher if only to make sure you aren't stuck next to her again.

I wouldn't socialise with her in future. I know that's letting her win but I don't want to feel like this anytime soon.

So you aren't going to go out with the group because of her?

‘I’m not rude I just say it like it is’

Indeed. Maybe that’s why your daughter chooses not to speak to you anymore

That's outrageously rude! What a sad, bitter and unhappy person she must be.

No I don't think I would go again. Like I said that's letting her win but I would rather forgo the night out than have all her crap swirling round my head.

If she’s rude to you again, tell her bluntly ‘ look love, opinions are like arseholes - everyone has got one but no one wants to hear it so shove off’. 🤫🤣🤫🤣

She sounds toxic.

Chances are, she may be jealous of you and others and feels like crap then gets personal satisfaction from making others feel as bad as she does.

She has an ugly heart.

She will attract misery where ever she goes and it will follow her.

She can't get away from herself but you and others can.

I think it would be good to let the instructor know why you're leaving.

What a horrible woman. It's not normal.

To clarify I will continue with the hobby but not the nights out.

What does she look like?
Tell her that her breath smells and she looks like a ferret.

She looks average for a 63 year old woman.

63? I am shocked. She's bitter about something.
I'm not proud of it, but I once threatened to slap a woman who was being rude to my face, I whispered it very quietly in her ear and she moved away from me very quickly and looked at me like I was mad. I was mad, and about 4 wines in, so not my usual behaviour. Left me alone though, so that was good.

Yes.

I don't say anything about someone's appearance unless they ask for my opinion or it is a sincere compliment to a good friend. I learnt this very early on.

People like that need the same treatment back. I'd had torn into every part of her physical features then her personality.

Tbh as a group ex instructor I’d like to know so I could keep an eye on her in my classes. You won’t be the only one she’s a dick too, and maybe the instructor is starting to get an idea already.