How to deal with rude woman

[user1471527955]

Looking for advice on how to deal with this situation. I go to a fitness class where all participants are lovely except one woman. We went out as a group last night & I sat next to her. She told me my hair looks awful, dry & badly cut. I told her to stop being rude but she continued. She said she isn't being rude just truthful.
Previously she said my face is nice even though it's fat.
There were no other seats available!
I will see her twice a week so wondering how to deal with this. She's very 'in your face.'

This!

Well as an autistic person let me say it as it is - you're ignorant, thoughtless and pretty damn offensive. Hope that helps.
Meanwhile, OP, just tell her to fuck off in the sweetest tone you can manage.

My sister in law is a nasty piece of work and never misses the chance to say something unpleasant. She snapped, "God, you're spotty!" at me.

I don't always have a quick riposte, but I said, "At least I'M only ugly on the outside."

Next time she says anything rude to you say, very loudly so that everyone around can hear.
” I’m sorry but I’m not going to listen to you any more. I find your comments very upsetting. You may think you are being truthful & helpful but I find them very unkind & hurtful”
I wouldn’t descend to her level of rudeness by calling her names, take the high ground. That way you’ll have no reason to regret what you said & the others will think more highly of you than her.

Darklane I think you make a good point. I don't want to stoop to her level. I get on with the rest of the group & teacher perfectly well.

I'd just say, 'I know you think you are being honest. But I don't seek, value or respect your opinion at all. So save your honesty for friends who appreciate it - I'm not one of them. I don't enjoy your company. My heart sank when I realised the only spare seat was next to you. Just being honest.'

You could just turn your face away and pull a slight face, wrinkling your nose. She'll think she's got bad breath.

I would skip the name calling, and just say something like ‘Marjorie, I have no interest in your opinions on me, or anything else you have to say. I will be avoiding you in future, and expect you to do the same with me.’

(My aunt Marjorie would pull this kind of shit. Rude and unrepentant.)

I don't want to stoop to her level

In that case you could always try my own go-to phrase: "Why would you choose to behave like this?"

If you get the usual "I just say it like it is" then you can respond "Ah, so you are actually choosing to be this way - how interesting"

I really like this one - may give her pause to wonder what people may have been saying about her... 🌹

What a vile woman. I’d just tell her to fuck off and leave you alone.

IncompleteSenten · Today 15:02

You know, you could always look at her and whisper "wow. And I really thought everyone was exaggerating when they all warned me about you"

Yes, another cunning and quiet way to make her feel self conscious and insecure!

This!

I don’t like confrontation or to be rude myself so I would go with things like
“oh that wasn’t very nice”
”that’s not a kind thing to say”
”it’s not nice to comment on other people’s appearance”
”that was very unkind”
”what did you hope I would say back to that?”

Basically matter of fact and emotionless but things you might say to a child. I’d say one of the above every time she said something rude. I’d stay away from her as much as possible and thank my lucky stars that I wasn’t so unhappy that I thought it was ok to be a bully

Next time she does it do a shout out to everyone at the table/in the room “hey folks, X has just said my hair is badly cut and my face is fat. She says she’s not being rude, just honest. What does everyone else think?”

I'm really sorry you are being hassled like this. It's not acceptable. I'm a tutor of adult classes. If this was happening in any of my groups I would want to know, and it would be dealt with. No ifs or buts. Your tutor needs telling.

I will tell the tutor as she is focused on having a positive atmosphere.
This delightful lady told me I had lost weight (I am on a health eating plan) but the next week she informed me that my weight loss had stalled.

"I'm so glad you value honesty. Everyone warned me about your death breath so maybe keep some tictacs on you. Oh and those clothes and hair REALLY don't do it for you".

Oh for Gods sake, she’s a bitch on the spectrum or not. I’ve got two boys on the spectrum and at 19 and 22 they know not to speak to people like that. Autistic people aren’t stupid or nasty and it’s not an excuse to be a cunt!

Sandra do you have to work hard at being a rude offensive twat or does it just come naturally?

"Your opinion is irrelevant to me, so I suggest that we just don't talk to each other in future."

My favourite nasty comment stoppers are "what have you come as? Because if you’ve come as a cunt, you’ve won!"

And "oh do you think so?" said in an utterly bored and disinterested tone.

Oh please say this. Sorry you’re upset @user1471527955 she really is just talking shite.

One answer I read but haven't used yet: "Yes, that sounds like the sort of thing you would say." It can also be used if someone reports to you something nasty that's been said about you, as in: "Yes, that sounds like the sort of thing she would say." It implies that the other person is known to be a bitch, without directly insulting her.

Another one (which I have used & which was effective) is innocently asking, when something jeering or unpleasant is reported to you: "Why on earth would she say that about me?". Of course, you know why - because she's a bitch - but it puts her beyond the reaches of polite society & also implies she's a liar.

Yes, definitely mention it to the teacher if the teacher is spouting how positive the group is or should be.