Do you think it is bad form to for a person to use their intelligence humiliate someone else?

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Do you think it is bad form to for a person to use their intelligence and education to humiliate someone else in a conversation when that person is obviously not as bright or as educated?

I think it is and that there are more diplomatic ways of resolving these things and getting your point across with out resorting to humiliation. I think in my life there have been multiple times when I could have done this to someone, even been tempted to but to me its so unkind and counterproductive when you are trying have a productive conversation.

I just ask as I witnessed this kind of thing at work yesterday from a very bright colleague who seemed to relish humiliating a more junior member of staff in this way. I previously had a lot of respect for them but have been very disappointed to see them act in this way.

Yes I do. My BIL is like this, which is why I only see him at the occasional funeral, and avoid him as much as possible.

It’s abusive really isn’t it? Using a position of influence to demean another person.

It’s horrible :(

Yes. I absolutely cannot stand it. My old boss was like this.

Pisses me off when people do it here on mumsnet too, especially the SPAG police because they always choose to be condescending with it.

Of course it is!

@Goldfinchtriad I think it is and it shows a real lack of maturity, a reminder that people can be very strong in one way but very weak in others.

I think it's a horrible thing to humiliate a person you know doesn't have the ability to stand up for themselves.

But that example isn't someone using their intellegence and education so much as their position of power? They could be thick as pigshit, but presumably the junior member of staff would still have to hold their tongue.

@Beezknees Yes I've seen it here as well and it is never done nicely its always an attempt to undermine the poster, essentially saying I can't take you seriously when you misused there/their.

Yes it's bad form HOWEVER, having been on the receiving end of a lot of smug/superior sounding lectures about conspiracy theories and/or dangerous pseudoscience I see nothing wrong with pointing out actual facts. Usually pointless though.

I suppose it was a bit of both to be honest, the person who said what they did may not have done so to a peer or a superior.

I’d say it depends on the circumstances. If someone is talking absolute bollox about a subject they know little of but you do, I think it’s fine to correct them.

It can be done without humiliating them.

It's bullying and cruel
A lot of the time the people who think they are so, so smart are actually showing that they suffer from a lack of empathy, maturity and social imagination.
Kindness and wisdom are a beautiful thing.
Smartness and cruelty are not.

@MrsSkylerWhite Of course it is fine to correct a person it would be crazy not to but to do so in such a way that you are humiliating someone else is just cruel.

@Surfandtruff Absolutely! I think sometimes we see this kind of behaviour on TV or a film and it is entertaining but when it happens in real life it is just awful.

I’d have to know far more about the actual situation you are referring to. From reading Mn, one person’s ‘ colleague humiliating another who is less ‘bright and educated’’ is another person’s ‘expecting a basic level of knowledge about x in the workplace’.

It's horrible. Not as extreme as 'humiliating', but I was once dating a man who wore a t shirt with this 'joke' on for a date and made a point of me reading it and 'did I get it?'. Really put me off and I stopped seeing him. It wasn't just because of the t shirt, but it was a mark of the sort of person he was (smug and condescending).

My DH has a friend like this, he tried to do it to me once when we were much younger (and then I watched him do it to others who were much less ‘educated’ and it was disgusting) and I refused to see him again for a long time. He’s matured now and much better but I think part of it is because he is so intelligent that intelligence is his entire identity. Maybe it is a defensive move to hide other insecurities, either way I wasn’t subjecting myself to that level of rudeness and arrogance.

Difficult. Obviously humiliating others is unacceptable, but the social convention of not showing off can leave informed people feeling frustrated too.

I used to have a friend who came out with all kinds of pish, sometimes laughingly 'correcting' me on subjects she thought she knew about. I know beyond doubt that had I done the 'well, actually...' thing I would have looked like a know it all cow. I've smiled and nodded many times in social or work situations when ignorant people have spouted guff because correcting them makes me look smug. Probably worse if it's a woman displaying her superior knowledge, somehow that's considered even more rude.

I think it’s situation dependent. and depends on both people on the situation.

Also depends on what you ‘using your education’ means. If someone is chatting shit about a subject they know nothing about, someone (who does know about it) correcting them would be using their education and knowledge to correct them. The person chatting shit may feel humiliated. But I don’t think it would be wrong.

Depends.

Your work colleague sounds like an arse.

On the other hand I have no issues challenging the factual errors of uninformed xenophobic bigots who are holding court spewing utter nonsense.

I've had people fill in gaps in my knowledge but not felt humiliated. Other occasions I have.
So I reckon it's how the message is delivered.

I’ve no issue at all with correcting someone in that scenario, on feminist grounds if no other.

Yes my ex was like this

I think it depends. I have a relative who feels offended if I use a word he doesn't understand, and which it I didn't know that he didn't understand. That isn't cruel or bullying. Neither is responding to conspiracy theory with scientific fact or telling someone you manage how to do their work (or preferably, supporting them to do it) so that they become more productive or competent in the team. Deliberately humiliating people is never acceptable. Giving feedback at work should always be done in private.

Not sure what SPAG means, though!