Do you ever tell someone how great they are to their face?

[Pemberleyprobs]

Inspired by something that happened today - I overheard 2 people talking about my work colleague, they were full of praise and admiration for her, basically saying how brilliant she is, and what a lovely person as well.

She is a close friend of mine and I know for a fact that she is plagued by self doubt and imposter syndrome, and when I told her what I heard she was absolutely stunned. She honestly had no idea these people felt so positively about her, they have never said anything directly to her to give that impression.

It got me thinking that culturally (in Britain anyway!) we really don’t tend to give positive feedback to people’s faces - it feels awkward/a bit cringey. I just assume the people I think highly of know how great they are - but it’s suddenly occurred to me that maybe they don’t?!

Yes I do and often. People should def do it more.

I very frequently do. I think it's important to express to people how valued they are.

Of course I do.

I also tell them in a work environment and people that work for us.

Hard work should not go unnoticed

Yes I do and try to create a culture where this is normal in teams/departments I manage. When you're in the pubic sector you can't offer bonuses etc, the very least we can do is recognise someone when they are good at what they do.

My work was great for this, everyone praising people when they did a good job on anything. I remember hearing on the radio that a huge percentage of people feel great when they get praised in work and 40 odd percent say they don’t get any praise in work and I just thought no wonder people hate their jobs

I do. I often tell friends how lovely/kind/great they are because when others say it to me it really gives me a boost. Compliments cost nothing!

Yes and especially at work. I've got the best manager I've ever had and I often tell her.

I have been told by colleagues at work and it’s very nice to hear.
I told my DH tonight that I think he is great for cooking my tea everyday. Does that count?

Yeah I do, and I love it when people say nice things to me. A couple of colleagues recently told me why they thought I was going to make a great mum (just before mat leave) and I think I’ll remember that forever! Unless someone is massively arrogant it’s likely that they experience self doubt and will want to hear it.

When I interact with people in a 'transactional' way (doctors' receptionists, call centre workers, shop assistants) etc I always try to let them know how helpful they have been. If they have gone in any way above and beyond, I will try to say something about it in a way that is clearly sincere and more than just a courtesy.

And of course with close relatives such as my son and my siblings I often and sincerely tell them how wonderful they are.

I guess it is people 'in the middle' that I don't express enough praise and appreciation to. People like regular work colleagues, neighbours. Not strangers but not close to me. Somehow those are the people with whom it would feel most awkward.

Yes I do and my children do too.

Absolutely. My children, my wife, the people that report to me at work to name a few. It has to be sincere though. I think if you look for the best in people you will find it and if you recognise them for it they will build on that.

All the time

I do to friends but I wouldn't really to anyone else unless I was close to them. I am always polite and courteous to everyone though.

Absolutely.

Yes, always.

Yes! I absolutely give people public and personal recognition of their great work and skills. Doing it has encouraged others at work to follow in how they recognise others. It really matters. If someone is doing brilliant work or being all round excellent why wouldn't you enjoy recognising that. This carries into my personal life and it only engenders great relationships.
BTW I am absolutely not a performance high five you're awesome for doing that everyday mundane thing sort of person.

With friends, honestly, no, as it definitely makes me feel awkward. My method of telling someone I love them is through taking the piss and joking with them. I don't know why I'm like this. I have no issues expressing love with romantic partners but my mates? Feels awkward.

They all know I would fight to death for them though through my actions, but not my words.

Work colleagues I'm quick to praise good work and often say thanks, you're a star etc. Just seems to be a blockage with friends.

These replies are restoring my faith in humanity! I am going to make much more effort to do this from now on.

@WitcheryDivine SUCH a good point - most people will welcome it, because as you say, is there anyone who doesn’t experience self doubt in some way?

I do but I'm American. I think it surprises people.

Yes I do. I always try and compliment someone if it's genuine (I have a friend who always says I look like I've lost weight which is utter bull or her memory is terrible but it comes across as so insincere).

I frequently tell my line reports how good they are and what a brilliant job they are doing.

It’s something I’m trying to do more often.

I told a colleague/friend the other day how proud I was of her. She’s been fighting to get her son an autism diagnosis for so long. And finally she’s got it. Which means he’ll now have more help. I’m so proud of her for continuing the fight to get him the help he needs.

I do whenever I can. I tell my DC’s friends’ parents how great their kids are as well. People sometimes think I’m weird for doing so, but I’d rather that than have people go through their lives not knowing they’re appreciated.