Do you ever tell someone how great they are to their face?

[Pemberleyprobs]

Inspired by something that happened today - I overheard 2 people talking about my work colleague, they were full of praise and admiration for her, basically saying how brilliant she is, and what a lovely person as well.

She is a close friend of mine and I know for a fact that she is plagued by self doubt and imposter syndrome, and when I told her what I heard she was absolutely stunned. She honestly had no idea these people felt so positively about her, they have never said anything directly to her to give that impression.

It got me thinking that culturally (in Britain anyway!) we really don’t tend to give positive feedback to people’s faces - it feels awkward/a bit cringey. I just assume the people I think highly of know how great they are - but it’s suddenly occurred to me that maybe they don’t?!

I go out of my way to. I even tell people if I think their hair looks nice or I like their outfit. I’m a ‘celebrate everything’ type of person generally anyway.

We don’t do it enough! I told my friend recently how amazing she is as she was a massive support to me when my brother died. I just really needed her to know what she meant to me.

I’ve done this too when I heard a group of colleagues talk about their leader (like, they had so much praise for her)

Yes I do, because the world needs more of it.

I try to. But I am English. So it is hard.

I do. I tell people who have done their job well or given me good service - and if it's appropriate I tell their boss too. I also tell total strangers I think they look nice...

I do regularly. People often appear shocked or taken aback but they always say they appreciate it.

This totally something that doesn't happen enough. I think there's some sort of fear of making people "too big for their boots " happening. Also, with physical compliments- not saying someone looks nice because it's so obvious they must know they look fabulous.

I'm good at this with my kids, sometimes my DH, good with my friends but I'll make a proper effort at work. I don't manage other people - if I did I would be sure to encourage and motivate them.

My boss is really good at this, again I think it is a public sector thing. There aren’t really any other ways she can reward us! And it has made me better at it as a result.
I always praise good customer service, praise young people/children to their parents. Not once has it been badly received!

I also think kindness and forgiveness of colleagues goes a long way too - especially those you struggle with.

I’ve enjoyed this thread though - I’m older and I definitely see women supporting others much more in the work place than when I started out.

Yes.

After my mum died people fell over themselves to tell us similar things to your colleagues, but they never bothered to tell her when she was alive and it would have mattered. I know for a fact she didn't realise, same as your colleague.

It still hacks me off that people only bothered to say it to make their own grief easier rather than caring enough to tell her when she was alive. I think it's monumentally selfish.

So I make sure I tell people because I don't want to be a person who waits for someone to die before saying that they made a difference or were cherished or whatever.

Absolutely yes, all the time but only if it's true. I love doing it and I myself get a lot out of it too.

Very frequently, yes. Obviously, to the kids at school, I love telling them how smart they are. I also tell my Dh how great he is.

Often.

Robin Ince wrote a poem about this, and I love it.

Life is so short, and you never know when people will be gone. Tell them that you love them, appreciate them, value them, that you think they are kind or funny or that they bring joy to your life. Tell them they have done an good job. You never know how much that moment of appreciation can make a difference to someone’s day.

I do. I don't make a point of it, but I always send praise where it's due to people's line managers (maybe 2-3 times a year) and copy them in. I told someone today that they were an inspirational leader, and gave concrete examples.

Praise isn't cringey if it's heartfelt. If it's doing it because you feel you need to, it can be awkward.

Absolutely all the time. I am impressed with how you do things. I say it. I like your hair, I say it. I tell people all the positives. As often as I can. I read somewhere to genuinely compliment people each time you see them. It's good for you and its good for them.

Yes I do. As much as possible! If I receive great service somewhere I make a point of finding out who is in charge and letting them know how great a particular member of staff has been. Or naming them on feedback forms etc. It doesn't happen often enough IMO.

Yes, I think it’s important to tell people when you think they’ve done well, praise builds confidence and helps develop strengths. I’ve grown through having managers who gave me opportunities to shine and told me when I did well. Pass it on.

Yes certainly, all the time. Only when I mean it though!

I work in a team under huge amounts of stress I regularly thank people and praise them for the work they are doing.

Yes, I try to make a point of it. I know it’s not very British but I think this is an area would could afford some cultural change!

This.

I do, regularly. But I always mean it, and I am specific with what I say.

Ditto compliments. I am always genuine. I think some people may not think so - but it's just because I notice things I like, changes in hair / clothes / make up, and say so.

I know it’s not very British

I'm Irish. It can be very varied. We can absolutely be great at praise but is it genuine? Or has an ulterior motive?

Equally, we can be desperately parsimonious with our positive feedback, there's often that dread of over-praising eg a child & what would that lead to ...!

I remember really liking the US approach when I went there first. Sure some of it is fake but there was a lot to be said for their positivity.

When I was at Uni we went on a week long residential. I was a bit "try hard to be liked" and I overheard one student complaining I talked too much at dinner. I assumed everyone felt the same.
A couple of years later, I randomly bumped into a girl who'd been on the same residential. She said she wished we'd had a chance to be friends because she loved being on my dinner table during the residential because I was so bubbly and funny and told great stories and she was always disappointed when there wasn't a space and she had to sit elsewhere.
Her compliment has stuck with me ever since (25+ years). I wish she'd told me at the time.

I do, and thankfully it happens a lot at my workplace. We also have a box for positive comments which is emptied at our monthly meetings. The comments are read out, then typed up and put on a display board.