Has your parent turned in to a miserable old bigot since retiring?

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Mine has! She used to be quite hip, she went to Glasto and dropped acid in her youth, was good company etc.

Since retirement she's started watching GB News and now talks endlessly about boats, refugees, drains on the NHS, how people should "go back home" etc. Its pretty unrecognisable. She makes comments on same sex relationships even though she has gay friends "thay are different" apparently.

The irony is she just asked me to take her to the local asian supermarket so she could stock up, then turning her nose up to half the stuff in there and making tutting sounds.

I'm at a loss, calling her out just ends up in circular discussions, I'm not going to go NC over it, just want a whinge really. Anyone else's parents getting belligerent and hard to be around?

People tend to be left when younger and move more towards the right when older apparently.

Tell her that is specifically prohibited in the Koran.

My mum and my FIL have both gone a bit this way due to worlds shrinking and therefore not having the range of opinions and world views that once formed their own outlook, now they have the telegraph, their Tory friends, some news channels.

Amusingly my mum used to complain about my gran being like this!

However my MIL is quite the opposite because she actively seeks out people of differing views and experiences, and she is very active in her retirement.

I do think it's a common thing when your world shrinks, not necessarily age-bashing but more likely to happen on retirement.

Tell her she is turning into her Great Aunt every time she says something bad.

You could do it in a kindly fashion"That sounds exactly like something Aunt Hetty would have said" head tilt and little sad smile.

Then keep repeating - you know who you sound like don't you ? Hopefully she will get the hint.

I took early retirement, and have never regreted it. I'm always busy, and some days it's nice to have a " lets sit and read all day" treat - so, I do! I've volunteered, done some courses, walk the dog. I avoid the news on all channels because I get so angry about things I can't influence (DH says angrier!) I have a hobby that I spend a lot of time on researching. Have these people who are so unhappy not been like this before? I can't believe that leaving work has made them like this. The one thing that does make me irritated is that son and DIL assume that as I don't work I have hours to spend and am available for lift/loans/dogwalking at the drop of a hat!

OP.. you have described my mum perfectly but she is 29l3 years older. A diet of GB news and Daily Mail and never goes out. The circular arguments are being frustrating and she ignores me when I say don't want to talk politics etc. Apparently I have my head in the sand and done watch the real 'tell it like it is' news.

OP your mother holds differing opinions to yours, that’s all. Accept that’s the case and steer clear of certain topics of conversation.

My dad has changed from being a left wing republican to a self confessed raging republican. Still left wing but more hateful to the right than previously and less willing to listen to opinions that he doesn't share.

My parents weren’t/aren’t like this, they were activists against apartheid, Vietnam war, nuke bombs etc, and my mother at 71 isn’t a jot racist, quite the opposite still very left wing.

A pp said that ageing doesn’t mean you become an arsehole, but statistically the older you get the more conservative you become, which in many cases (my inlaws) means becoming a paid up sexist/racist etc. My inlaws (early 60’s)were always awful, but not working has led to a lot of time just sitting and reading/watching GB news, the daily fail and going down social media right wing worm holes.

My mum is the same. Spends alot of time on Facebook and conspiracy type pages.
Blames everything on immigration, foreigners. Reads the daily mail and has generally become bitter and twisted. Its a real shame because I now just don't want to spend any time with her. I try to not discuss anything but somehow she always seems to steer the conversation to immigration

My parents have definitely become more bigoted. It’s from watching and listening to social media, they went down the you tube rabbit hole. I suspect it all started with boredom. They don’t have lot of money and rarely go out. Lidl or Aldi is a day trip. It’s very bloody depressing and although I try to stay patient it’s getting to the point where I just want to tell them to shut up bloody moaning. It’s definitely made me think of what I can do to avoid the same fate - keep busy for a start!

Yep. Too much wine and GB News. Hyper critical.

My Mum bangs on about UK politics, EU having too much control, Brexit, immigration, folks arriving on boats, getting luxury hotels and mega bucks, Royal family, the budget, same sex marriage and a hundred other moans and complaints. We don't even live in the UK!

We are immigrants to an EU country. The irony.

An old friend of mine has! He also watches GN News. He's become so racist, talks about 'these people' as if they're sheep or something.
I told him we can't be friends if he doesn't sort himself out.

I do see this too sadly, but I hope it's not that common. My parents aren't quite retirement age yet, though both have stopped working due to ill health and have become much more isolated and insular (they're long separated). The lockdowns didn't help, plus Dad has been so ill he had to give up hiking and other hobbies. He seems to fill the time with TV (GB news) and YouTube videos. My mum instead is addicted to Facebook and shares every nutty post and fake story she comes across. She ends up frothing about all sorts of culture war nonsense that doesn't remotely affect her, and probably isn't even real! I have talked to them about it, but it's hopeless.

I have another relative who took early retirement with nothing to fill the time, so spends it all online, and has become a major conspiracy theorist, the type who can't have a conversation without bringing up vaccines, Russia, Trump, etc. It's like they're being brainwashed!

My parents are semi-retired but I do find it a bit sad that they are falling into this thing of labelling things as 'woke' and rolling their eyes at them. They have always been Tory voters and sometime party members and local councillors, but were always fairly atypical in many ways, eg believing drugs should be legalised and immigration was a positive thing, and I always knew they thought prejudices were stupid - and they have taken having a trans and a non-binary grandchild in their stride.

They're both really intelligent, thoughtful people who never been 'knee jerk' about things, but I've noted sadly how, while they're not bigoted, they are tending to group totally reasonable aspects of social justice and representation as negative and 'woke' (as used as a perjorative) and it saddens me to hear them use the same language as used by people who are frankly thick and don't reflect on things and consider them deeply.

It's the drip drip drip of bigotry presented as 'News'. Brainwashing a generation. Awful.

I could have written this post OP. My in laws who used to be the most lovely progressive inclusive people have gone full blown right wing, GB News, Megan hating, you name it, racist, homophobic, sexist. Its awful to watch.

I can only presume that the social media algorithms keep serving them up the same bullshit that supports their views and it becomes more ingrained that their views are acceptable.

We do try to tactfully challenge their views with facts, but like a lot of right wingers, facts aren't important are they?

I was going to start a similar thread !! I love my parents but I’ve been quite surprised at how old fashioned they’ve become.

E.g.

DM who was a SAHM is sooo vocal about how bad working from home is and it shouldn’t be allowed - when I try and point out how good it’s been for working parents she won’t have it !

Constant grumbling about ads on tv never showing white families anymore.

The absence of news concerns me. The media froth about immigration, royal family etc. but other important events are either not reported or white washed. Governments own the media, IMO so you either read everything from the left to right or curl up and read a book.

Someone said television is chewing gum for the eyes a long time ago.

"Television Is Chewing Gum for the Eyes – Quote Investigator®" https://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/11/30/tv-gum/?amp=1

There is a saying that if you have always been the one represented and catered for, seeing others represented feels like you are losing something.

So if you're a white person who was financially comfortable, and now there are a good number of non-white faces in the arts/on tv, and your money is not buying very much because of government mishandling of our finances, and it's harder to get a GP appointment because they are deliberately fucking up the NHS: it is really easy to put this all together wrongly in your head and feel the cosy rug is being pulled from under you. But in fact you are being shafted by your own government, whom you might have voted for, and they are scapegoating vulnerable immigrants and conflating them often with the people you've noticed there are more of on the tv. I wish we could mobilise the anger the older folks are feeling, channel it into forcing government to do and be better.

@Sbishka I think you’re spot on there - my parents come across as quite resentful sometimes around more inclusion / seeing more diversity on the tv etc. Despite the fact really it doesn’t affect them - for example they both roll their eyes at the push for more diverse Boards but they’re both retired !

Not my parents, but they’re not at retirement age yet, however they have hobbies etc that will take over a big part of their working life when they finish. Dad I suppose is semi retired.

BUT my FIL? The worst thing he could have done was retire. He is an absolute nightmare. Turned into an anti-vaxxer, conspiracy theorist, has an opinion on everything and we clash, he doesn’t like that I have opinions and I’m a strong character, his sons ex absolutely loved him and would bow down to everything he said (they split up in 2009 and she left DH when he was in a really bad way with his mental health - something we still deal with! And is now a lesbian… something FIL has a massive issue with) and im not like her, I’ve really tried with his dad and when he was working it was much easier, he was a much nicer person. He’s an absolute nightmare now and it makes life really difficult.

That’s just it though, reading the DM is a choice, you don’t suddenly get forced to read it and agree with it when you draw your pension!

My parents read the DM and Express every day, all their lives. It was where they got their education from, on science, medicine, social issues and politics. If you offered evidence or a different point of view, they’d scoff and look the other way. Apparently, having been to university I’d been brainwashed by communists! I was a Conservative voter until my mid thirties but nope, I was obviously a communist nevertheless.

@Sbishka Your mother must be very easily influenced if a couple of right wingers on Facebook have persuaded her that Trump is wonderful. Can she not really see for herself the things he’s said and done? Or does she think the bad stuff is all made up? You say she isn’t bright - that’s more of an issue than age. If someone hasn’t learned to read widely and think critically they’ll be easily led at any age.

60 is not old and I don’t think age is the issue or that OP says it is age rather that she has retired. However, I have noticed in aging relatives how people can change, although I think that not all people do. I think attitude to life has a real impact on how people age from a certain point. You see people in their 80s having a great life who are positive and happy. Then are people who seem to decline dramatically at 70 and lose their filter. I think the saying - getting old takes courage comes into play here.