Has your parent turned in to a miserable old bigot since retiring?

[Dotdashdottinghell]

Mine has! She used to be quite hip, she went to Glasto and dropped acid in her youth, was good company etc.

Since retirement she's started watching GB News and now talks endlessly about boats, refugees, drains on the NHS, how people should "go back home" etc. Its pretty unrecognisable. She makes comments on same sex relationships even though she has gay friends "thay are different" apparently.

The irony is she just asked me to take her to the local asian supermarket so she could stock up, then turning her nose up to half the stuff in there and making tutting sounds.

I'm at a loss, calling her out just ends up in circular discussions, I'm not going to go NC over it, just want a whinge really. Anyone else's parents getting belligerent and hard to be around?

Thank you @FictionalCharacter she was. I still miss her very much.

How did you come to that conclusion ?

Same here, 59 so not retired yet but about same age as OP. Did she vote for Brexit?

“Oh come on, we haven't had a 'let's hate on the bigoted ignorant oldies' thread for WEEKS. MINUTES.”

FTFY.

You probably should let them go tbh. Or maybe just tell them openly how much you sneer at their life instead of doing it behind their backs, and they may take the decision out of your hands.

It's not age that's the problem, it's too much time to be fannying about on the internet. We're all in danger of being radicalised in one way or another. With my mum it's Facebook teaching her that Trump is great (you just need one or two right-wing American friends and you end up seeing a whole lot - plus my mum is not bright).

My dad has become deeply miserable since retiring, crabby and abusive, but he was always like that. The difference was that work took him out of himself. Now he's far too much in his own head and it's not nice in there. But he'd be the same regardless of age.

No, mine made it to 90 without becoming either miserable or bigoted.

Other family members are older, and are open minded.

It is common to feel more powerless and therefore critical as you get old though.

My dad is getting like this

Ask her does she realising she is becoming as miserable to spend time with as great auntie was

Both my mother and MIL are mid 80s, didn't vote for Brexit, don't think small boats are the biggest problem for the UK and are furious at what this government has done to public services. They are both ace!

Because her mom is a racism, and racism is not a “difference in opinions”, it’s actually a crime. Being an audience for a racist means enabling them and enabling means recognising their point of view as legitimate. Racism is not a legitimate world view, it’s a cancer in our world that destroys lives every day and should be treated as such.

Pressed too soon...

However, I retired at Christmas and since then have noticed a tendency for other people's problems to loom large in my mind. Since then, I've worried a lot about each of them and about our kids. I don't think I had time to dwell on things so much when I was working.

I could see how I could easily turn into an interfering or judgemental busybody if I'm not careful - or, and this is like my mum and MIL, find small domestic issues become very important and expand to take up a lot of time and nervous energy.

I think getting obsessed with what's wrong with the UK in a quite racist and negative way is not inevitable but might fit with having more time, less of your own real worries and starting to become judgemental about other people.

I feel very privileged to be able to retire in my mid 60s but it's a big transition and I think I'll need to find positive ways to use my time to not become petty and small minded. I'm glad I do know many people who've had very positive and outgoing retirements and can offer a role model for a good retirement which doesn't feature GB news!

Absolutely agree. I have a whole list of problems with my mother and some are down to her own upbringing, but the racism really upsets me. As you point out it isn't a difference in opinion (although she thinks it is) it is absolutely beyond the pale. I am extremely low contact with her and she knows why it is.

This country has changed massively over the last 25 years, so it’s hardly surprising that many older people are very uncomfortable with both the extent and the pace of that change. Their local community may no longer be recognisable as the place they once knew. Their local inner city may to their eyes look, feel & sound like a foreign country.

Language has changed at a pace which even younger people struggle to keep up with. Terminology which was considered acceptable only a couple of years ago became unacceptable apparently overnight, eg ‘BAME’. It can feel like constantly changing language is used by elites to deliberately set traps for ordinary people. Many older people can see that current ‘woke’ ideas such as gender identity are ridiculous political fads which conflict with both biological reality and common sense.

Many older people have multiple chronic ailments which the NHS struggles to cope with. They know that the health service which they paid into all their working lives is underfunded by the government, badly run & not fit for purpose, but they can also see that it is overwhelmed by demand caused partly by decades of uncontrolled mass immigration. They can also see that the same increased demand is partly responsible for the housing crisis which, while it may not affect them, certainly does affect their grandchildren. The mainstream media don’t want to talk about these issues, but GB News & right wing newspapers are willing to use them to push their own agendas.

I’m not justifying bigotry, but it’s important to understand why so many older people are so angry and looking for someone to blame for the mess this country is in.

It kind of feels you can't win...
I'm early sixties,still working and always left of centre views.
But voting Tory isn't in itself a guarantee of bigotry ( in fact the ick - Tory /ick pro Brexit reaction is bigoted.IMO)
And the state of the country and the world makes me very sad so I am headed for the risk of being a miserable retiree even if I am hopefully not bigoted.

American friend on FB put up a big post if you support Trump please unfriend my family.. now I thought that was a batshit thing to do because she's a business owner and should keep quiet.

My almost 86 year old godmother, retired some 25 years, loathes the Tories with a passion! So do I (almost 60). So not inevitable.

I am enjoying this thread - and it made me think

When you retire you have more time ( compared to the madness of a working life) so you do see that on the news everything is repeated and so you do ping to other channels
Then in a little way you may miss the ‘ruck’ you get at work where someone disagrees with someone else - sadly GB news and talk tv seem to have a more confrontational edge and so ‘full a gap’

Can I recommend an organisation- U3A - this is for people semi and fully retired. A chance to engage in all sorts of groups. I’ve taken up astronomy and painting since joining. Just Google it

someone said to me we prepare ourselves for work - get the qualifications etc but we rarely prepare for retirement. In some ways we get cut adrift - so perhaps she needs steering in a more productive direction

And as PP said - being a twat is not an age thing
Good luck OP

This describes MIL very well, she retired young and had more time to read the daily Mail, which seemed to turn her into a vile bigot, so for her it was a life stage thing, rather than an age thing.
When she worked, she was (outwardly at least) open minded and tolerant, now (and yes her world has shrunk), she’s quite the opposite. She quotes from the daily fucking mail and doesn’t seem to question the shit she reads. She just allows herself to be consumed and embittered by it.

My mum (similar age) retired fairy early, but threw herself into retired life, socialising and travelling and doing voluntary work. She holds some strong opinions, but is capable of self reflection and challenges some of her out of date thinking. And she doesn’t read the daily Mail…..

Dad is well into his 80s and is pretty woke. He spends far too much time on the bbc website and reading the Times and most conversations begin with a rant about the government. He’s hoping his grandchildren fix things…. I used to think he’d have “apoplexy induced by Johnson” on his gravestone. However there are many different candidates. My aunt (90) is the same. Both still furious about Brexit.

Language changes over generations, half generations, and has done so forever. I'm fifties, and obviously I can see and hear that I'm a little excluded - but we have to accept that people aged 20 will talk with a different tone and idiom than people aged 50. Our grandparents had to accept it, their parents, and so on.

It's not that the media don't want to talk about those issues, it's that the media is BAD at it. We are held to ransom by a media that is either white men waffling on and congratulating each other, or reportage that is simply biased and incomplete. It's perfectly possible to have a media that presents the benefits of immigration, the absolute necessity of immigration, and highlights daily the destruction of the NHS. It's not hard to find the detail. Nobody is hiding very much any more, things happen in plain sight. Our mainstream media chooses not to report things in a way that actually informs us in a balanced and responsible way, with a very few exceptions for good reportage like Private Eye and the Post Office systems scandal.

Gosh OP, you've got me worried! I'm 4 months off 60 and retirement! I really hope I don't flip a switch! Having said that I've got a few things planned out as I want to explore and do stuff beyond what I've been comfortable with before.

Same here. I have culled quite a few Farage loving friends

You missed the "boomers are all thick twats who make video calls all day" thread on Saturday.

Yes, my PILs have done this and it drives DP insane. In their retirement they’ve thrown themselves into the Daily Mail, GB news and pearls of wisdom from Nigel Farage.

MIL is the worst. She is not only bigoted regarding people who aren’t white, she hates anyone on benefits, thinks women are pathetic for not tolerating male sexual harassment ‘banter’, thinks what’s happening in Gaza is ‘their own fault’ and too many other upsetting opinions to mention.

DP says they were always a little right of centre as he grew up but nowhere near this bad. I think he finds it all very embarrassing, particularly as my grandmother is still alive, much older than them and finds their views frankly deplorable.