Has your parent turned in to a miserable old bigot since retiring?

[Dotdashdottinghell]

Mine has! She used to be quite hip, she went to Glasto and dropped acid in her youth, was good company etc.

Since retirement she's started watching GB News and now talks endlessly about boats, refugees, drains on the NHS, how people should "go back home" etc. Its pretty unrecognisable. She makes comments on same sex relationships even though she has gay friends "thay are different" apparently.

The irony is she just asked me to take her to the local asian supermarket so she could stock up, then turning her nose up to half the stuff in there and making tutting sounds.

I'm at a loss, calling her out just ends up in circular discussions, I'm not going to go NC over it, just want a whinge really. Anyone else's parents getting belligerent and hard to be around?

Agree...age is not the reason for being a twatt. I wander what the next ageist thread will be about!!

Mine are in their 70s and are opinionated, which is good, but not bigoted. One thing my dad said was that his generation get blamed for all of the problems in the country, so perhaps some are trying to shift the blame? Its popular to talk down at "boomers", and blame them for the housing crisis because they want to stay in the 4 bed homes that they outright own. He says they are blamed for the NHS crisis for living too long and clogging up hospital beds.

Yes. My mum has become a very angry old woman. I mean she was never exactly sweetness and light, but it's become worse since she retired. There's no dementia, just a growing bitterness.

I think it's a case of 'the devil makes work for idle minds'. She went from using her brain all day being too busy for any sort media to sitting watching GB News and reading the Daily Mail every day. She became bitter and started voting Tory when she got divorced in her 40s (i think to spite my very liberal dad 🤔) and now several decades later she's very intolerant and actually quite racist. It's a shame, she's an intelligent and educated woman, but her outlook has narrowed and boredom has made her focus on things that make her feel like she's thinking.

Yes. Keeps right-wing news on the tv nearly 24/7. Plus has done the deep dive on the internet. It just gets worse and worse.

Not one bit. If anything more left wing than when working.

No. She was always a miserable bigot. Retirement seems to have changed very little.

Jesus. I am the same age as your mum and the current Labour party is too right wing for my liking. So no, you don't become a right wing bigot.

The stuff about Arabs seems to suggest some sort of intellectual decline.

I don’t think this is ageism.

My mum is still working but my dad is the same. He retired early on health grounds and his views have changed a lot (actually more left wing - he was a Thatcherite and now to the left of Starmer but the right of Corbyn, I think he mostly misses Gordon Brown 😂), but he’s become very entrenched as his entire world is what he reads online or watches on TV as he can’t get out much and doesn’t have a social life. If I express a view outside his very narrow perspective it doesn’t go down well.

On the flip side my MIL (retired 7 years ago) is incredibly engaged, very ‘young’ at 70, still travelling, going to gigs etc. Has a very unbigoted world view. I don’t ‘judge’ my dad at all as it’s beyond his control and of course I love my parents. But contrasting him with MIL is interesting, because it shows how incredibly important it is to stay physically and mentally active as long as you are able.

My dad gets the same impression and it makes him sad, because he (unusual now) is old enough to remember the NHS being created and has always been a big believer in it.

Have to say that it's not treated him well though - he now has terrible mobility issues due to poor care/lack of care from the health service that he proudly proclaims his trust in.

Both him and my mum are sad at how the country is going but as neither of them are able to work any more, including in a voluntary capacity (my mum has some major issues with a couple of joints again following poor medical care after breaks from osteoporosis) they can't really do much about it. I do feel sad for their particular demographic - although they had rocky poverty ridden pre-welfare state childhoods they saw things improve under Bevan and genuinely thought things were going to keep on getting better and voted in politicians that they trusted to do this. Turns out things don't work that way.

Yeah my mom's gone a bit mental. Too much time on her hands. Constantly asking about my life and having digs after my parenting! Oh the joys.

YES. It's so depressing. Too much Daily Telegraph, not enough actually going out and talking to real humans, and a lifetime of insight gained from work in public service jobs appears to be gone. Povvos and immigrants are the root of all evil now. I find it very hard to deal with.

Our world is smaller and we are very probably boring. That’s because a combination of circumstances over the last few years have severely reduced our circumstances.

I’ve done various types of volunteering. I’ve found it quite thankless.

We don’t watch GB news, certainly aren’t right wing, in fact we feel disenfranchised because there’s no credible candidate to vote for here. I’d love to make more of life.

I don't think it has anything to do with retirement, but perhaps with a closing social circle and general fear of change that may be more likely as people get older (but obviously isn't unavoidable either).

My mum was lifelong left leaning (she does not live in the UK, but you could definitely say she would be 'anti-Tory' in our home country), very open minded, loved to travel, single parent who handled her shit without relying on anyone. Since turning 60 (which is not 'old' btw!), she's steadily drifted right, very Fox News watching now, very closed off, doesn't travel anymore, a lot of anti-immigrant sentiment. I don't think it's necessarily because she hit 60, but because she met a new partner around then and he is right wing and she just parrots everything he says now. It even got as far as sharing anti-immigrant memes on Facebook - the irony being that I am a bloody immigrant which makes it all the more bizarre. I'm white though, so she probably thinks I'm the right sort of immigrant. 🙄

We are NC now (for reasons entirely unrelated to her bigoted views, but very much related to her toxic relationship with her partner). I think it's very much though because her social circle has dropped off. She doesn't see friends much at all anymore, no work colleagues, no travel as prefers to stay home with partner and listen to him rant about whatever issue has got a bee in his bonnet this week. All her old friends find him rather intolerable, so they have drifted off. I think she's probably in an echo chamber and the only people who still want to be around them are people who think and talk like they do. I think it's not because she's retired, but it's not helped either as she has a very small world now.

Mine has become a dementor about climate change, water shortages, the government, anything and everything all the time.

Well you did blame her age, actually.

Has your parent turned in to a miserable old bigot since retiring?

Old and retiring are giveaways🙄

Yep mine have become noticeably bigoted to the point where I have had to intervene when they’ve said inappropriate things in front of my DC. They love Trump, they think everyone thinks what they think but are just too afraid of ‘the PC brigade’ to say anything. It’s really vile.

Only in their early 60s too.

This can certainly be true for some people, and especially if they live on their own.

What is definitely true is that, for those who retired before or during the height of the pandemic, many of the traditional routes for people to get out, get to know people, find new hobbies and establish new routines in retirement simply disappeared at short notice. Most people find retirement at least a little daunting, but for many people people retiring during that time it was especially so. I know, DH and I (young retirees) were two of them.

My mother is retired a while now and has never been busier. She is always out and about meeting friends, helping out her kids/ grandkids, hiking, exercise classes etc etc. She is currently on holiday in Asia. Her mentality hasn't changed. My inlaws have retired on medical grounds and although their world is a lot smaller and they are more limited due to their health they haven't become nasty or hypocritical either. I don't think it's necessarily an age thing.

No, the complete opposite actually. My dad has gone from being a grumpy bastard who moaned and complained about everything and everyone to one of the most open, serene and patient people I know!

Thankfully no, but my mum is a lefty hippy of the 60s who has always hated authority and the Daily Mail. She's mid-70s so has been retired some time.

She does sometimes say she's had to tell her friends off for spouting rubbish about immigrants and Brexit though. And my dad has some utter morons on his Facebook who post GB News bollocks (he ignores it, they're school friends he's reconnected with rather than actual friends).

My kids say dad has no filter now and they're right. The media has a lot to answer for

I don't think all people suddenly become like this when they retire. I think some people might, especially if they only get their news from one source and don't have a decent circle of friends or interests.

My mum was busier after she retired than when she was working. She never voted Tory in her life. She was very involved with her local church, met up with friends for coffee, did Aquafit and a week before she died at the age of 87 was still teaching English to asylum seekers, some of whom she had developed friendships with outside the classes.

I think, as others have said, it's very easy to start holding certain views if you never have any exposure to the opposite ones. Even more so today with 24 hours rolling news and the internet where algorithms will keep bombarding you with more of the same. I try to look at different sources, even ones that I may fundamentally disagree with, as I feel that is the only way you can even begin to understand why people feel as they do.

No, I'd say mine have moved with the times a bit actually. They are still a little more conservative in their opinions than me but a lot more liberal and compassionate than many.

I agree, and I believe that a person’s personality and outlook on life influence how they will change when they retire and have free time. One former colleague had an unusual hobby and when she retired, spent much more time on it and toured round giving talks. I used to go gliding- gliding sites are often pretty much run by volunteers, most of them retired people, fit and mentally sharp. One friend travelled a lot when she first retired and has a lot of interests that keep her intellectually engaged.

I think it’s the ones who don’t give themselves stimulating things to do who allow their intellect to decline, and passively get sucked into lazy thinking and being led by people who pull them in to conspiracy theories and such.

There was a saying “if you rest, you rust”.

@feellikeanalien
it's very easy to start holding certain views if you never have any exposure to the opposite ones. Even more so today with 24 hours rolling news and the internet where algorithms will keep bombarding you with more of the same. I try to look at different sources, even ones that I may fundamentally disagree with, as I feel that is the only way you can even begin to understand why people feel as they do

I completely agree. And your late mum sounds wonderful!