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Original poster

Perfect, well behaved children…

74 replies

Imperfecto · 08/03/2024 16:58

Is it just excellent parenting?
My daughter’s best friend is a family of 3 daughters. All of them are bright, well mannered superstars. They always get awards, picked to be the star of the show, win every competition, most house points in their class etc.
The mum always looks good too, never stresses, never see her shouting to get her kids to come when it’s time to go. I just don’t understand it, are they aliens? How are they all so perfect? If you have perfect kids/know a family like this - how?? I think it might be too late for my feral bunch but I’m so intrigued.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 08/03/2024 17:02

Obviously they are not perfect:

Options:

She beats them into submission
She is very anxious about how they present and makes sure they look good
Etc etc

One of my friends once admitted she dressed up especially for the school run and tried very hard to look like a perfect parent.

SailingStormyWaters · 08/03/2024 17:04

I am one of three daughters and people said the same about us.
What they didn't know is we got physically disciplined if we ever stepped out of line.

fiskal · 08/03/2024 17:05

I have a perfectly behaved child. No idea how as DH and I were both wild children. She's always been like it - so - genetic throwback to our great grandparents?

If you're interested we follow Philippa Perry parenting - lots of listening, affirming, we are on her side as much as we can be. But honestly I don't know what we would do if she was more difficult.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Loveofmine · 08/03/2024 17:17

This is my family. 5 children - all highly educated, in good jobs, good relationships now - at school we all had top grades, won awards, excellent reports etc.

my parents were strict but fair. When we were growing up they were in charge and that was that. If I ask them now they say children need rules, love and above all attention and we had all 3 in spades. They are amazing grandparents now and are all of our best friends.

Noraton · 08/03/2024 17:51

I know lots of families like this.

One mum never raises her voice and is softly spoken. I think when there is a culture of shouting, it can get copied by the children...

Also lots of mums ard neat and well turned out. Its a common stereotype that the mum is harrassed, messy, tangled hair etc.

Also it comes down to expectations. Somd families have high, lofty expectations: high grades, med school, some have average expectations: no texting at the table! No swearing....

No one is perfect, and you are only seeing a snapshot.

People say my 3 are very well behaved, but they drive me up the wall sometimes and are very different in public!

UnravellingTheWorld · 08/03/2024 18:44

I have a perfectly behaved child. People come up to me in church and say they have never seen a 2 yo sit so well (he literally sits there and looks around, then quietly eats his lunch during the service). In comparison, my sister can't take her kids to church as they would hang upside down from the chairs.

I am as baffled as you as to how I lucked out like this! I assure you I didn't beat him into submission.

itsgettingweird · 08/03/2024 18:45

Believe me it's not perfect parenting and I have one of those children!!!

He just happens to be autistic and very rule driven

Jandob · 08/03/2024 18:47

Just good on show or lacking imagination. Mine argue, sulk, have fights etc. But they're like me & dh so to be expected.

Passthepickle · 08/03/2024 18:49

I have four and one is like an improved version of some saintly deity. Cleaver and funny, responsible and caring he has always been the same. Never had a tantrum, never moans if you ask him to do something and is chosen for everything. People adore him. Parents’ evenings are a love in. I deserve this after the other three. All raised pretty similarly - he is just like that. His siblings think he is great too but reassuringly they all grew into lovely people.

User373433 · 08/03/2024 18:51

I think maybe sometimes it is excellent parenting but most of the time it is just luck and genetics. Children who appear to behave perfectly are often just shy in personality so don't misbehave in public. I work with families so I see a lot day in day out, and I've seen many perfectly behaved children when the parents are definitely not perfect and equally vice versa.

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 08/03/2024 18:51

Excluding the 'mum always looks perfect' bit because that's definitely not me 😂 I think sometimes it's just luck of the draw.

DD is fantastic, very bright academically, polite, calm, good natured, kind and caring, always wants to help and is beautifully behaved 99% of the time.

We don't do much to achieve that and I'm fairly certain she's going to be a nightmare teenager just to stop me feeling too comfortable with life.

Me and DH are naturally calm people, we don't raise our voices or panic if something goes wrong for example so it might be that she's just observed and learned from that and as a result is a calm child.

Geebray · 08/03/2024 18:53

Jandob · 08/03/2024 18:47

Just good on show or lacking imagination. Mine argue, sulk, have fights etc. But they're like me & dh so to be expected.

How very judgemental.

UpsideLeft · 08/03/2024 18:55

I was telling DD 16 last night that I think the reason her and DS are fairly well balanced is that they were 'socialised' from a young age

So just naturally learnt how to behave and act around others.

DD is more aware of others than DS tbf but he knows when and how to behave although it took him a lot longer.

HungryBeagle · 08/03/2024 18:57

Jandob · 08/03/2024 18:47

Just good on show or lacking imagination. Mine argue, sulk, have fights etc. But they're like me & dh so to be expected.

I don’t see how being well behaved and good at everything means that someone ‘lacks imagination’?
My eldest is considered by many as the ‘perfect child’; she’s excellently behaved, extremely academic, brilliant at her chosen hobby etc. She’s kind and has lovely manners. The fact that she regularly wins story writing/poetry writing competitions suggests that her imagination is just fine 🤷🏻‍♀️.

FaiIureToLunch · 08/03/2024 18:58

We don’t shout at our kids or at each other, are not ever really stressed or disorganised, we’re pretty calm and tolerant and our children are laidback and kind. We were both easy children ourselves - I think it’s mainly personality traits and modelling positive relationships.

Geebray · 08/03/2024 18:58

HungryBeagle · 08/03/2024 18:57

I don’t see how being well behaved and good at everything means that someone ‘lacks imagination’?
My eldest is considered by many as the ‘perfect child’; she’s excellently behaved, extremely academic, brilliant at her chosen hobby etc. She’s kind and has lovely manners. The fact that she regularly wins story writing/poetry writing competitions suggests that her imagination is just fine 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Show quote history

Yeah, that's a shitty thing to say. "A well behaved, rounded child must be lacking in some way!" 🙄

manipulatrice · 08/03/2024 18:59

I have one angel, and one devil. I have parented them the same 🤷🏼‍♀️

UpsideLeft · 08/03/2024 19:02

I also don't sweat the small stuff

I let them got on with things and don't interfere unless I have to

I have put my big mum pants on though and taken full control in bullying incidents and was on top of pulling one of my DC out of school and into another within a month (I'm proud of that one because that DC flourished because of my swift actions, listening and responding)

Was quite firm when they were younger and they were completely out of order

DS was harder work at home but ok outside

They had a lot of responsibilities from a young age ie getting up and ready on their own to walk to primary school from Yr 5 because of work commitments

SusanSHelit · 08/03/2024 19:02

My ds is beautifully behaved but I've said for years it's more by chance than design. I just got lucky and have a kid who understands and respects the rules and why they are there, and as such follows (the sensible ones) with little friction.

I honestly don't know how I would cope if I had a kid who was as feral as I was growing up

Blakessevenrideagain · 08/03/2024 19:06

I was smug about this until DS1 hit 17, then OMG, did I get a reality check. Now, well into his 30s with a BPD/ PD diagnosis.
They were great as kids, all mixtures of scholarship, sporty, musical. I, on the other hand, always look a scruff so I don't fit the profile! 🤣
The other 2 are fine, but I've been on a roller coaster for years. That will teach me!
Pride comes before a fall!

UpsideLeft · 08/03/2024 19:07

Mine definitely don't lack imagination and I'd never have beaten that out of them

I'm not a controlling person and have ajways loved how much my DC make me laugh

They're do engaging and funny

We're passionate and do have some heated discussions as it were

A lot of love and respect though in this house

Everyone is interested in completely different things

Our house isn't OTT tidy unlike my DM so it's a relaxed environment

LoveSandbanks · 08/03/2024 19:07

My guess is that behind the scenes is a whole heap of stress. I've got boys and I wouldn't even want them to be "perfect". Every Summer holidays it was my mission to turn them completely feral before they went back to school in September :)

HungryBeagle · 08/03/2024 19:08

No stress behind the scenes here. They’re genuinely dreams to parent.

Wenttomowameadow · 08/03/2024 19:10

It's because the mum makes healthy pancakes every morning with tons of fresh fruit and laced with ketamine

RosesAndHellebores · 08/03/2024 19:17

Mine were challenging and hard at home, pushing all the boundaries. They were angels at school.

A very experienced teacher said to me, they were secure enough to misbehave at home but knew the rules

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