Has anyone ever successfully turned round a fussy eater

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Because I’m at the end of my tether with my youngest.

My eldest is fine and eats most things, always has. My 3 year old on the other hand is so fussy- there is not one vegetable she will eat, won’t touch meat or fish , (not even a fish finger or nugget)

Meal wise she only eats:
pesto pasta- sometimes
jacket potato with beans
A spicy rice (her dad makes)

I have never taken anything off her plate hoping she’d grow out of this fussiness, no signs of that.

I am starting to think food is like sleep, parents who say it’s down to parenting have never been presented with such a child. I’ve had enough of wasted food.

I wouldn't say she's "turned around" as she's still more fussy than my 2yo, but my 5yo definitely has gotten gradually better with time. Some things she eats now that she wouldn't have at 2 or 3 for example include broccoli (albeit only the stalks, and only with mint sauce on!), a specific soup that is made in one of my DP's home country that has kidney beans, black eyed beans and loads of visible green herbs in, chickpeas, lasagne, plums. Probably some other things too. She still often just refuses a meal or eats a miniscule amount but that's even when it's something I know she likes, she's always been like that. But the range of food she generally eats has improved over time.

Yes.

It took about 10 years.

Sorry.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers watching as in the same situation! 3yo DS has just had 1 cauliflower hash brown for dinner. He had one for breakfast also. He will probably repeat that tomorrow…! He started off well as a baby but like yours, he will not touch meat, fish, a single piece of veg.

I put up a similar post just a week or so ago as I am so stressed and fed up of it.

GP didn’t sound so concerned and basically said just give him whatever it is he will eat (plus as much milk as possible for the calories).

It is hard, I hope it is a phase. Try to write out a list of things she will eat (probably a short list like mine!) but sometimes it helps to write it out as you can forget things. That way you can go through the list each day and see if she fancies anything off of it.

I think it’s fairly common though and like I say, hopefully just a phase xx

Eventually, yes. My fussy eater is now 13 and eats most things that everyone else does. Still not keen on veg unless it's as part of a main dish but no longer fishes out bits of veg that are larger than a pea.

Feed her the safe food. Alongside that, serve meals family style and let her try things that everyone else is having if she wants to. Don't make a fuss about it. Let her serve herself and discover the food. Take all the pressure off. Get her involved in preparing the food for the family as well so she can touch it and explore it without the pressure of eating it.

Kids with such extremely restricted diets aren't trying to be naughty. Very often they have some form of additional/sensory needs.

If you're offering a whole plate of food that you know your child can not/will not eat, arguably you are the one who is wasting the food.

Following because my 2.5 year old is similar but he eats everything at nursery so I think it must be some kind of behavioural thing. We try to sit up and have nice family meals, don't pressure him into eating etc. but he eats about 10x more calories and variety at nursery than home 🤷🏼‍♀️😭

Eldest and youngest were. Got better once they were end of primary/secondary age. Both eat anything now. Think it was boredom that drove the change for them both

A friend's kid who was like this saw how much DD enjoys lots of odd food (for her the weirder the better) and I think became more curious. DD is very enthusiastic and descriptive, which possibly helped! If you know a kid like this perhaps team up for a trip somewhere you can put a lot of small dishes in the middle of the table and try?

My early childhood diet was like this. Lots of things I just couldn't stand eating. At one point i think I just ate beige food only and certainly no cooked veggies as the smell or texture repulsed me.

I suspect if I were a child today I'd be diagnosed as having ADHD and PDA based on other associated traits. What did help was taking the pressure off completely and being involved in and eventually cooking family meals in my teens and helping meal plan and select recipes.

The picky eating fully resolved itself in my mid teens when I began working in a good European bistro as a waitress. I was exposed to really varied and well cooked food and it expanded my horizons hugely and encouraged me to try different things.

People who only know me as an adult would be very surprised by my restricted childhood diet consisting largely of mushroom soup and super noodles as I'm definitely an adventurous foodie today!

I hope this gives you comfort that it won't be like this forever and allows you to take some pressure off yourself and your child.

Yeah same here

Yes.

once we figured out she had a dairy allergy and her list of safe foods, the only eating one thing for weeks then refusing it, and the constant snacking were all nausea/GI related. It was normal for her so she didn’t even realise she wasn’t supposed to feel like that after eating, it was all subconscious/instinctive.

she’s much more adventurous now and has discovered a love of Chinese/korean/japanese food as it’s nearly always dairy free.

Yes. Mid teens.
Same advice as above - feed her what she likes, offer additional things to try alongside with no pressure or expectation.
Give a multivitamin.
Get GP advice if diet very restricted and child isn't growing/thriving.
It's not a parenting fail. More likely to be a sensory issue or possibly a SEN, or neuro divergence if it persists. V v common for food phobia to occur in toddlers, normal development stage and usually goes away in a couple of years.

I was an extremely fussy eater. My parents brooked no such nonsense. Mealtimes were horrible as a result.

I became much more experimental once I left home. Definitely not fussy now. I'm 40s though.

Nope. My 9yo is off to the paediatrician next week as little improvement since 18mo (I do have two other different concerns which is how the GP referred him).

The book Getting The Little Blighters To Eat was recommended to me - it is concise and useful but for DC like mine it hasn’t worked.

My youngest niece. Ugh she was a nightmare. Would have lived on plain chicken & cocktail sausages given the chance. She wouldn't even eat simple things like sandwiches. She'd eat bread, cheese & ham but not together.

Over time she just improved. Now she eats everything. She loves spicy food & I honestly can't think of anything she won't eat now

My brother & SIL basically let her get on with it. She ate enough things that she was healthy & they figured by not making an issue she'd grow out of it. She did

Yes I had 2 very fussy eaters. I used to be pulling my hair out trying to get them to eat food. They are adults now and one eats whatever I put in front of him (but not healthy things like fruit, when he is free to choose), the other still has certain foods she won't touch, but she eats better than her brother because she chooses to eat healthy things like fruit and salad.

The only tip I can give you is, give your fussy eater a choice. "we are having broccoli and carrots with our meal today. You can choose: which ONE of those will you have?" Letting them feel they have some choice in the matter (even though they are not really getting a choice over whether to eat veggies) seems to help.

Watching eagerly as my DS eats about three basic bland meals, no meat, no fish, no veggies, very little fruit. Preferences extend to different brands or even locations (will eat something in some location and not in another).

He was weaned with no trouble, ate anything and everything and we all eat healthy varied diets. We’ve done the ‘family meal’ with safe food option and this resulted in him eating very little at all, literally just the safe food.

If he sat and ate sausage and mash or a roast dinner I think I’d cry with joy.

Following, as dinner with my 4 year old has just nearly pushed me over the edge.

Beautiful lamb roast and all she will eat is cheese and blueberries. To be fair she isn’t normally this bad, will usually eat plain pasta with butter, chicken, carrots, but no today she had to go full on fussy as my mum was here, which led to a lot of tutting and eye rolling and asking “so doesnt she eat any veg” at that point I wanted to shout at my mum to FUCK OFF (there is a back story there)

she never ever used to be this bad

I have 3 dc.
Dd1 ate everything and anything until she was 8yo and had pneumonia badly, and suddenly became very fussy. At one point I think there were three meals she would eat.
DD2 ate nothing as a baby and toddler at all. Even if she ate something one day it was no guarantee tomorrow she would. Except tinned sweetcorn, which I gave her if she'd had a couple of days of nothing. Now she's at uni and I suspect eats a lot of junk, but does eat a reasonable variety of junk.
Ds eats everything and anything, in quantity, and always has done. He prefers fruit/veg except the one thing he doesn't like is cherries for some reason. His ideal of a perfect snack is 1/2 a pepper, 1/2 a cucumber and half a packet of tomatoes.

What I've always done is tried to have something I know they don't mind on their plate. With dd1 that did get very difficult for a while. As they get a bit older, then they would have the option of saying they didn't want the meal and cooking their own. In dd2's case that normally meant toast, or sometimes bacon and eggs. In dd1's case that meant we had a supply of steak and kidney pies in the freezer.
I remember nearly crying the first year she was at uni and we were doing a video call and she suddenly got out a piece of bread, buttered it and ate it. I think that was the first time I'd seen her eat bread in 5+ years. Of course I had to hide how I felt, and now (4 years later) she can laugh about it.
Dd2 also has a thing about not eating things that have touched each other. So when things are plated up we try and make sure that is right.

Don't put too much on the plate either. Present me with a full plate and I will not be able to eat. The expectation I will finish what I know is too much, sends my appetite running. Better to put two bite sized pieces on the plate and them eat them both, and you can praise them and give them more if they want, than fill it with 20 things that they may eat, and they eat none.

Yes, both DH and I are ASD and were fussy eaters as children.

I think DH's parents humored it more than mine, probably as in our house there wasn't money for food choices.

However both sets of parents ignored a lot and didn't push eating food that touched each other, or 'wet' foods such as soup, sauces, custard. They were also good at spotting the difference between 'fussy' and 'I would rather starve than eat this'

But honestly the real difference came as adults. Both of us had long lists of 'won't eats' in our 20s, when we actually had to cater for ourselves and cook it changed a lot! I think I am down to 2 items - soup and gravy, and DH 1 - pineapple.

Our parents couldn't believe it when we went and had snails on holiday so there is hope!

but no today she had to go full on fussy as my mum was here, which led to a lot of tutting and eye rolling and asking “so doesnt she eat any veg” at that point I wanted to shout at my mum to FUCK OFF (there is a back story there

Perhaps this additional stress and judgemental behaviour from your mother was picked up on by the child and that's why she reverted to her safe food.

She isn't choosing to be like this.

My DS13 ( also my youngest ) is very fussy still - just keep trying different things .

Mine does the pesto pasta and rice but dislikes potato and all cooked veg . Would live on pasta given the choice .

recent successes are lentil Dahl and tofu stir fry with peas.

I don’t keep putting things on his plate he won’t eat and often make different things for different people , although I do try to have some of the same things on each plate

It is what it is and I’d rather he grow well than not .

It’s not your parenting I promise .

Yes. It finally sorted itself out when ds experienced peer pressure from class mates in yr 7.

My DD is not great I think the list of thing she will eat is quite short. Although the thongs she will eat are healthy. Her favourite meals are black bean tacos, blue cheese, apple and pecan salad mac cheese and sweet potato wraps. She is very fussy about any other meals apart from breakfast. I just keep trying lots of different options the blue cheese salad has been a recent find so I feel we are making some progress. It is always good if the meal has at least one component she will eat. I try to add lots of added goodness that she isn't aware of. Chia seeds in her porridge, ground almonds and cacao powder in her pancakes, blitzed cauliflower in her mac cheese etc.

DD2 was a nightmare! She ate tinned potatoes, fish fingers, cheese, bread and drank milk - at some point she did discover cauliflower! Age 5 she came home from school demanding to know why we had not told her how nice sausages were; she only discovered them as the headmaster humoured her by playing aeroplanes with them! She has always been difficult to feed but going to university was a breakthrough - her house mates refused to believe that someone would not eat pasta and pizza. Things have improved now she is adult and has her own DC but plenty of things are still ‘off limits’, specifically fish (including the once acceptable fish fingers) and all sorts of beans, apart from green.