Has anyone ever successfully turned round a fussy eater

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Because I’m at the end of my tether with my youngest.

My eldest is fine and eats most things, always has. My 3 year old on the other hand is so fussy- there is not one vegetable she will eat, won’t touch meat or fish , (not even a fish finger or nugget)

Meal wise she only eats:
pesto pasta- sometimes
jacket potato with beans
A spicy rice (her dad makes)

I have never taken anything off her plate hoping she’d grow out of this fussiness, no signs of that.

I am starting to think food is like sleep, parents who say it’s down to parenting have never been presented with such a child. I’ve had enough of wasted food.

Bunbum solidarity - awful isn’t it. I’m learning fussiness is like poor sleepers, everyone thinks it’s down to parenting until you are handed your very own challenging child!

neverwakeasleepingbaby I am hoping school meals changes things- right now her nursery is bring in a packed lunch, snacks don’t seem to be a problem and she will just about eat a jam sandwich- cucumbers and carrot goes untouched

unfortunately My youngest isn’t swayed by others in anyway, we say she lives in her own world. My eldest this would have 100% worked.

If you're offering a whole plate of food that you know your child can not/will not eat, arguably you are the one who is wasting the food well yes and I feel shit spending time and money to cook something I know 80% won’t get touched- but I was also advised never to remove foods, eventually she’d be curious and try- nope! Lies!

This is reassuring

My now 8 year old would honestly only eat cucumber and tomatoes, occasionally some Ham. It was a nightmare for so long! She was brilliant when weaning then just stopped eating everything around 3.
Things turned around for her when she went to School and had their dinners, I think the combination of all her classmates eating the meals and being starving she just started tucking in! No issues at all now, she eats everything and particularly loves anything Spicy

I was also a fussy eater.

My mum brooked no such nonsense.
(My dad didn't care)

So I didn't eat, often for days at a time.
I was a severely underweight child and teen,

I'm in my 40s now and have lactose intolerance and a diagnosis of IBS - which I have always had.

I do not eat anything that is put in front of me because the explosive diarrhoea I get after eating cheese is very unpleasant.

OP - do check for intolerances. Your child will not know that his/her bowels should not hurt. They may think all children have stomach pain.

which led to a lot of tutting and eye rolling and asking “so doesnt she eat any veg” at that point I wanted to shout at my mum to FUCK OFF oh I don’t blame you, no one says this to me but if I hear some bullshit line like “no veg, I wouldn’t stand for that” I want to scream, you haven’t had a fussy child, I can’t unclench my 3yr olds jaws and shove the veg down.

My DS with asd ate only sausage mash and gravy till he was 5. Got one of those reward plates that looks like a trail with reward at the end. It was a game changer. He's 10 now and eats everything and is more adventurous than me and DH.

That still gives me hope!

No, sorry.

He turned himself around bit by bit, between the ages of 15 and 25.

My younger son on the other hand has always eaten whatever has been put in front of him.

My 3 year old has been quite fussy for almost a year now which is typical of his age. Randomly though a lot of what he does eat is actually really healthy- he loves fruit and veg for example. If it isn't sensory and there are no additional needs I reckon a lot of it is control. I've found an improvement if he thinks he is involved in the cooking process- he might not eat it all or pick out certain parts but at least he is trying! It's challenging though, I honestly find it one of the most frustrating parts of being a parent expecially when you are a foodie!

Take the pressure off yourself and feed her what she will eat and don't push her to eat anything unless she wants to is my recommendation.
I have three adult sons who were all brought up the same but have totally different tastes, the one that was the fussiest (would only eat a homemade roll with honey all day at school and no breakfast) is now vegetarian and eats tofu and seitan🤢 first one ate everything and is a big carnivore/foodie, middle one is a typical pizza and burgers/steak and chips type. I have a fairly limited diet due to childhood incidents ( i still remember the stuffed marrow my step dad insisted we eat, imagine boiled mince inside a huge soggy marrow🤮) so never forced anything on them but was into healthy organic homemade food and was a bit sneaky at some points (hot chocolate with full cream milk and vitamins for the one who hardly ate all day for example). But only things that they were happy to take.
Fed is best.......🥰

16yo DS has his gfd around tonight. She teases him about never eating fruit and separating his veg on the plate.

He does eat a pretty decent variety in last few years, though. Was Far more restrictive when he was 3 or 4. I would have been delighted if he ate the range many PP describe as "too fussy" when he was 3-4yo.

Yes - DS11 was so fussy for a long time. There were times that he seemed actually scared/panicky when his dinner was put in front of him, if there was anything at all he didn't recognise or like. Even a green fleck of parsley on shop bought garlic bread was enough to cause abject panic. I don't think we dealt with it very well to be honest in that I think in retrospect I was really impatient at times. Food is such a pleasure for my husband and me, any spare money we has goes on eating out and trying new recipes and restaurants. I just so strongly want that for my kids too. Added to that, both my kids have friends who are incredibly fussy - one who can't have anything touch on a plate, one who will only eat plain dry wraps, and one won't even try an unfamiliar haribo mix. Anyway, our approach for years was just to give him what everyone else was eating, explain what it was, tell him we wouldn't be doing him any favours if we didn't cook him new foods and we want him to love food like us. Gradually things have improved to the extent he will now eat everything we do, often enthusiastically. He still has a loathing of and condiments and I wince at his dry burger and plain chips, but he will eat any and all veg in a curry, in pasta, in fajitas, as well as lentils, tofu, dim sum etc. So on reflection our approach was to refuse to pander and keep explaining why. There were awful nights when we lost our tempers or he cried but I always worried if we started cooking him separate plain food we would never get him eating well. And certainly that's the case for his fussy friends, their repertoires have only narrowed over the years. Obviously it's worth saying he is neurotypical and the above would not have worked and would not have been fair if he wasn't.

My DD15 was not terrible as a little child. Yes, picky, but not very restrictive (she's always eaten pretty much all meats and a majority of fresh veggies). But she hasn't gotten better, cooked veggies in any form are not a favorite. Some of it, I think, has to do with being sensitive to certain tastes, but a lot has to do with texture sensitivities.

In the last year, we realized she will eat food at her boyfriend's that she won't at home. So now we have this rule: unless she hates a food - and all of us have foods we hate - she will eat a few bites of it at least. She's fine with that, instituting that has been stress-free.

At every meal we have, there is always at least some food component she will like, and she's old enough to cook a simple meal for herself if she's still hungry. It's a fine balance, even with a big kid; you don't want to push them into eating disorders.

Yep, all 3 of mine went through it at various stages. I never not put food on their plate, they were given what we all had and they ate it or left it. All came out the other side - I personally think giving it attention is a road to nowhere. If I was worried they'd not eaten properly for a few days I'd include a food they would def eat but tried not to do it often.

Both mine were fussy at 3 or 4. The eldest grew out of it and by 10 had a varied diet. The youngest is nearly 11 and still has a limited diet that mostly involves cheddar and ketchup. He has added 2 or 3 things in the last 6 months but not healthy foods. So burger rather than veg. I'm hoping senior school leads to change. I've always refused to make meal times a battle but in hindsight have been to relaxed.

One of mine was like this and now eats pretty much anything.

Another of mine used to eat anything, and now only eats beige. 🙄

My one tip is this: Stop thinking of your child as a 'fussy eater' and start thinking of them as having an eating disorder. Look up ARFID and see if that rings any bells for you.

My brother was the fussiest eater ever. He had to have food on separate plates so they wouldn't touch. Would only eat one kind of sandwich all the way through school. At his worst he would only eat Weetabix, but he did gradually add a few foods but was still very fussy all through childhood.

When he went to uni he got a girlfriend and was invited over to her house for a meal with her parents. He didn't dare refuse to eat it so ate it all and was pretty much 'cured' from then on!

I think 3 is peak she for fussy eating. All of mine went through a phase of it although my middle guy was very bad but had vastly improved by 7.

you got loads of good advice here. I would also add putting out some chopped raw veg like cucumber, cherry tomatoes, peppers - at time when they are hungry (like right before dinner) can encourage them to try. You will end up eating it yourself at first!

My brother.. when he was younger he literally used to eat, sausages, chips, beans, pizza, chicken nuggets, dinosaurs, plain rice, smileys, waffles and spaghetti. That was it… until he was about 13 he came out with me and my boyfriend and ate all sorts of Chinese. I couldn’t believe it. Now he eats so much more… still no veg or salad but more options.

What’s pesto pasta? If that’s pasta with pesto on and nothing else then surely that’s just a side like pots, rice or chips? How did you end up serving just pasta?

I was an extremely fussy eater. My parents despaired. My DM still recalls sitting, holding a yoghurt and going ‘one spoonful for me’, ‘one spoonful for you’ to get half a frontage frais into toddler me. My DDad could never face cooked carrots again as they appeared daily as my safe vegetable. I don’t remember any anger, just resigned acceptance from two people who loved their food.

And then, aged 12, at a restaurant in France. I asked what pigs cheeks were, ordered them (to my parents’ consternation), devoured them and never really looked back. By the time I went to uni I avoided plain cooked eggs (neat rather than used in baking etc), baked beans, spinach, olives and curry. By my mid 20s it was cooked eggs and baked beans.