I'm going on household strike, and they've got the fear!

[FrillyGoatFluff]

I have made an executive decision. Next week, I am going on household strike.

Currently household manager to myself, DH, DSD19, DSD19's BF 21, DSD12 (nearly 13) and DD2. I work three days a week - out of the house 7.30 to 6.30 - home with DD2 2 days.

DSD19 and her BF (who is an absolute darling, happy to have him here) are moving into their own place at the end of the month.

However. I am sick of being the only bugger to manage the cooking/shopping/meal planning/tidying element of life. Cannot get through to any of them how much of a workload this is for 6 people with very different needs on a daily basis.

So, as of next week, for a week, I'm handing it all over to them. Planning, shopping, cooking, clearing, washing, tidying, school admin - the works. I'm working three days, out at a hospital appointment one day and little one and I will be out another day doing something noisy and soft play-y, I imagine.

There's three adults, and a VERY capable nearly teenager. They'll have to work it out between them. I've warned them that I will be coming home and sitting on my arse, only rising to eat my dinner and play with the little one.

The fear in their eyes was hilarious. How do we think this is going to go?

This sounds wonderful!
I want to do it!

It's tricky for me because DH does help a lot. But it's helping in terms of DIY. He will clean and do the laundry but all the mental load falls to me.

I'm exhausted with thinking about shopping lists, meal plans, buying presents for the endless kids parties, bloody world book day outfits, who has PE etc! My head wants to explode.

So I definitely support your plan. Sounds like it will be a good wake up call for them.

Good for you! They’ll either sink or swim. It’s pretty shameful that they’ve been taking you for granted. You’ll have to grit your teeth and resist the urge to take over.

Please come back and let us know how you get on - I'm fascinated !

Can’t wait to find out what happens. Good luck!

I did this for half term week. I wrote up a rota of who was responsible for the evening meal, and we ate out twice. Actually everyone enjoyed it ( for a week), my kids are 11 and 12, so not old enough to make more permanent, but will try and do this each holiday!

They're all pretty good if I ask/tell them to do something, but I can't get through to them that that is another job for me in itself 😂

My money is on the 21yo SIL taking charge and rallying them. It will be interesting to watch!

You need to update us every single day! This is class.

That is amazing and I AM HERE FOR IT!!

We will need Big Brother House-style updates pretty much constantly so you actually won’t have any additional time for yourself - all in the name of science!

Brava!

Looking forward to the updates

They may 'swim' but what are the consequences if they 'sink'

ie, they eat takeaways, convenience food, keep running to the corner shop. Could be vastly more expensive and unhealthy. Not a long term solution, can your household budget take the hit?

If appointments/other admin get missed, will they care?

If no cleaning/tidying/laundry etc gets done for a week, will they care? Will you pick up the pieces afterwards?

The problem is that you care a lot more about things being done well than they do. They won't care if they live on takeaways and the house is less tidy. And it will probably be you who ends up catching up with cleaning and laundry and robbing Peter to pay Paul if they've spent next month's mortgage payment on takeaway for example.

The problem is they're likely to get through the week ok and wonder why you make a fuss. It's not enough time for the impact of not cleaning, planning ahead for food, life admin like renewing insurances, etc, to sink in.

You should do it for longer!

Huzzah!!!!!!

It will be waiting for you when you get back or done half arsed.
I would have had a family meeting, assign roles and responsibilities to each person with a rota. Have a shared Google calendar as a reminder.

I did something similar a few years ago, only I didn’t warn them as such, and it was a little softer.

one meal time I said I was no longer going to clear up the dinner things, if the kitchen wasn’t clear when I went into breakfast there would be no breakfast I didn’t have time in the morning todo both. Laundry I would only wash what was in the basket. Beds - I would only help with the sorting of new bedding (they changed their own beds)on a Saturday which would be the only thing I would do in their bedrooms. Their bathroom (the 3 children shared one) would only be cleaned if it was clear and tidy.

at the same time I stopped talking, I replied very basic yes / no / thankyou sort of thing, but stopped asking them questions/ telling them things just chatting. I felt none of them listened to me .

the house work 😂, well I laughed, they did clean the kitchen every night but the squabbling! Hubby included. But they didn’t notice my like of speech , none of them not even DH for nearly 3 weeks! Then my daughter eventually asked me what was wrong ( she was 9 ).

i never have relented, up until they left home they were the rules of the house. DD still here and sorts her own bedding 😉. The housework is split between the 3 of us.

stick to your guns and after the week sit down with them and discuss a fair way of distributing the chores

Good on you. I found the only way to get through to my lot, was to throw a massive tantrum and tell them to get on with it, things got better for a while, but always reverted back to me doing it all. DH and I are retired now with 2 adult Sons at home, life is easier. DS1 is very good, but needs telling, DS2 buys and cooks for himself, but to be honest that doesn’t really help. I wish I had £1 for every time they’ve said, “you only have to ask”, I say, I shouldn’t have to ask. Rotas are good if everyone agrees and sticks to it.

You are very brave.

Our house would fall apart.

@Bjorkdidit I did think about this, so have put some rules in 🤣

No more than one takeaway a week.

We have a freezer full of 'easy' meat - chicken, mince, sausages etc - so they have no real need to spend a fortune, and we live very close to a little Tesco, so fresh veg/salad top ups are simple, if they don't want to organise themselves to a big shop. Sensibly they should get their arses into gear, plan the week and send dad out to sainsburys today/tomorrow, but if they don't, well, more fool them. They can swallow the cost of daily panic planning (they can all afford to, all adults have more disposable income than me!)

Re the mess... yes, I fully expect it to be a total hole by next weekend. But I will then sit them down and give them a lecture. And sorting it will be a joint effort - I will just have to twitch for a week while I look at it!

Not sure what hours they all work, but I'd go for a walk if they start stressing about what to do for tea, can't working out where the cleaning things are or how to use the washing machine.

Good for you OP, hope it makes the point

@Toomuch44

DH: 8-4
DSD: 9-5
SIL: 7-3/4

All hard workers, but... so am I! The difference is, they come home, make a coffee and retire to their preferred relaxing locations. I run around like a headless chicken pairing socks and creating gourmet excellence while they sip coffee, doomscroll and expect me to solve the worlds problems 😂

I have young adults. I have said to mine over and over again that I do enough for them and don’t expect to have to THINK for them as well.

Example: ‘you don’t have to cook every night mum. I’m happy fending for myself’. ‘OK, tell me exactly what you want from Tesco and I’ll get it’. ‘I dunno. Some chicken. An avocado. Get some gnocchi and I’ll make that thing I like’. Other DC ‘dunno, get whatever. Get some crisps please’.

Two days later. Everyone standing in front of the fridge looking confused.

I separated from DH two years ago. He never has food in or he does a massive shop and doesn’t plan meals so throws away bags of stuff. Spends a fortune on take away.

Good luck OP. Report back.

Whatever happens there will always be one household member who has in their brain that the chicken expires tomorrow and that cauliflower needs using.

As someone else mentioned already - you need to do this for a good number of months. They're merely waiting for you to give up and become the house slave again.

Also - the males in the household will leave it all to the females.

I remember reading on here before about some poor woman who did it all in her household. And every night at dinner, her rotten DH and kids would each announce a mark for each meal she had made for them. So: "That was a 4!!" or "That was a 6!!!" or whatever.
I would have downed all tools immediately and I would have left those p**s to it - forever.
I often wonder what happened to her.

I applaud you looking for creative solutions rather than just martyr yourself and encourage you to consider how you want things to change in future.

This made me think of one possible future way forward

They're all pretty good if I ask/tell them to do something, but I can't get through to them that that is another job for me in itself 😂

How about you keeping the 'manager' role and parcel out the rest of the roles to the others. One way to do that would be to hand over the cooking, clearing up , laundry, shopping (for food and everything the household requires).

The simplest way is for each to have full responsibility for their areas however you get the best long term results from a multiskilled team. It takes longer for them to pick up the skills required so maybe sole responsibility each for a month then swap.

When they all understand how to do each role you can consider mixing their responsibilities say one person responsible for cooking on days x, y & z , for clearing up on days a, b & c. That's more complicated because the person arranging for food purchase needs to liaise with the cook etc but you can get there.

Don't cover if they drop the ball so that they can learn and adjust. This is great learning experience for them.

Remember. You are the manager so you don't have any direct responsibilities. That load will be less irksome if you are 'just' managing.
Good luck.

I did something like this once. I wanted a dishwasher to help ease the load on me. Wife (I am a man) thought that I should get something to ease my loads as she already did the washing up. We looked at each other bewildered that each of us thought we did the washing up.
I agreed I would stop helping for a week and leave it all to her. Three days later, there were no clean pots or plates and I ordered a dishwasher and she realised I was the one who had been doing it.
It was done in a very non-confrontational way and I think people can be genuinely oblivious rather than being selfish.