I'm going on household strike, and they've got the fear!

[FrillyGoatFluff]

I have made an executive decision. Next week, I am going on household strike.

Currently household manager to myself, DH, DSD19, DSD19's BF 21, DSD12 (nearly 13) and DD2. I work three days a week - out of the house 7.30 to 6.30 - home with DD2 2 days.

DSD19 and her BF (who is an absolute darling, happy to have him here) are moving into their own place at the end of the month.

However. I am sick of being the only bugger to manage the cooking/shopping/meal planning/tidying element of life. Cannot get through to any of them how much of a workload this is for 6 people with very different needs on a daily basis.

So, as of next week, for a week, I'm handing it all over to them. Planning, shopping, cooking, clearing, washing, tidying, school admin - the works. I'm working three days, out at a hospital appointment one day and little one and I will be out another day doing something noisy and soft play-y, I imagine.

There's three adults, and a VERY capable nearly teenager. They'll have to work it out between them. I've warned them that I will be coming home and sitting on my arse, only rising to eat my dinner and play with the little one.

The fear in their eyes was hilarious. How do we think this is going to go?

*so

Good god, some of these scenarios are melodramatic!

They sound as bit lazy and thoughtless, not incapable of buying loo roll, chucking some pasta on and doing a wash. It’s not Lord of the Flies

This is amazing!!! Please keep us updated all week

Make sure there is food available for your DD if needed.

Hope you have a great week …. AirPods and your own bathroom ( chuck DH out if he shares an ensuite )

Sounds like a great plan, look forward to hearing how it goes.

This. And the useless husband himself of course. Presumably it hasn’t happened overnight.

Not directed at you OP.

But I’m constantly amazed how many women skivvy when surrounded by able bodied human beings who contribute zero.

(Especially when working either full-time or part-time but even if they are stay at home mothers. A SAHM most likely does more, especially when young children, but it doesn’t mean they have to do everything).

Love this!

Honestly, I think my fanny would have dried up and closed shop if my husband expected this much of me in relation to his adult children.

If they don't buck up
For the week and sort themselves out keep at it op

That's exactly what I did.

A teen who's totally capable and a young adult who's also totally capable and a dh who leaves a trail behind him here.

Oh and three dogs.

Every now and then I have an epic meltdown and down tools where washing ironing tidying bins and dogs is concerned.

I literally run my own business and work full time within it.

If I come into the house at the end of the day and the dishwashers not been emptied or the sides wiped down or bins emptied etc I am not pleasant.

It's always done by me if I'm first in but then when I'm not first in it was just being left.

I also refused to do a food shop one weekend and dh went off with the youngest, spent way more and really didn't think of what would be needed for who and what days so didn't take long for him to remember what's involved in keeping a house ticking over.

The week I did no washing he was loading the machine at 11 at night of uniform for the teen one night and I went off to bed and told him he needed to stay up to get it into the tumble dryer and then bak out and ironed ready for the next morning.

Never happened again

Based on this post, depending on when you step back in again even on a significantly reduced part-time home manager basis, please ensure that they replace the food they use during the week by doing a big shop next weekend so that the process can continue.
I fear they will use the food but forget to replace it leaving them worse off for Wk 2 and beyond.

Wow, ok to clarify.

They are all capable, and if I DONT do it, they do - eventually. But it's usually a one off if I'm out/ill/otherwise engaged, and clearly there's not an understanding of how it impacts day in day out. If I suddenly fell off the face of the planet, they'd all cope.

I didn't work for four years (inheriting the dsds, late baby loss, maternity leave) and DH was fantastic, both financially and with sharing the load, but equally I was happy to pick up the slack during this time. But I'm back at work, and now shit has to change.

Have an insurance plan. Tell them that if they don't do everything that's needed, if they live on takeaways, if there's a huge pile of their washing at the end of the week (or whatever other things you want to include), then you'll be on strike the following week as well. And you'll keep being on strike until they actually get their act together and do the jobs properly. Don't let it be just one person taking your place either - they all have to pitch in or the strike also continues.

Don't let them get away with the bare minimum, assuming that you will pick up and do it all at the end of the week and resume normal service.

Thought I'd pop in with a midweek update.

Despite the initial panic, things are actually going rather well...

Sunday night: DH cooked a big meal, slow cooker called into action from Saturday, lots of performance plating etc, but it was fantastic, and he cleared it up so, hooray.

Monday PM (DH away with work) : DSD12 asked me what was for dinner when I got in from work. I said 'no idea, what is for dinner?' Panicked phonecall to DSD19 who hastily diverted to Tesco in her way home and bought dinner... she cooked it. She and SIL then wrote out a list for the week and went to lidl for it. They then marvelled at the a)cost and b)time it takes. I felt this was an early breakthrough. DSD12 cleared up.

Tuesday: SIL cooked, while DSD19 pottered round the kitchen chatting to us (rare!). DSD12 cleared up. DH dealt with an exploding washing machine - I did momentarily break strike to take over the mopping as he held the door shut while the cycle finished 😆 I then did my nails and he managed the toddler tantrums (she wanted to mop).

I'm off out tonight, so SIL is going to cook my dinner and leave it ready to reheat. He's planned the week around what's best to do that with.

Kitchen floor needs a sweep, but tidy wise, they're doing ok. I'm genuinely quite impressed with them.

Why just for one week?

Make permanent changes.

You are not their unpaid slave.

I'm so disappointed you broke the strike with the mop. Let them drown in suds!

Yes. This.

Well done on making a stand and good they have stepped up.

I made my DH and DDs cook at least one or two meals a week when they lived at home and go out and do some shopping. Now it is just DH and I and we are both retired then I expect him to do 50/50. On the whole he is pretty good. Having one person wait on the other hand and foot is not good.

My 88 year old mum cannot get past the fact I take myself off on a 3 or 4 day walking holiday a few times a year and leave DH to fend for himself. I just respond he is not a child and perfectly capable of using the washing machine or cooking a meal.

Just before the strike is over I think I'd sit them down with a list of chores and plot it all equally between everyone, who cooks on what nights, who cleans, who puts toddler to bed etc. strike whilst the iron is hot

I intend to make permanent changes, but through id throw them in at the deep end so they had no option but to work it out.

If they moan it's hard, I'll say 'yep. That's why I'm no longer doing it all. You lot can now do xyz'

If they say it's easy, I'll say 'great! You lot can now do xyz'

With regards to my fanny closing up by helping DHs children, frankly, I get irritated by this. Their mum isn't in the picture and never will be again. I am all they have mum-wise. Come Mother's Day, I am the only person they'll be waking up with cards and croissants.

The assumption that when you take on a child you can just turn away from any parenting responsibilities just because they're not genetically yours, and then lump all the blame on your partner, is ridiculous. They may be DHs children, but they're OUR responsibility, as their parents. So I look after them in the same way I look after my daughter. And the same way that all the 'proper' mums of teenagers look after theirs.

Yes, the eldest is a lazy bugger. But I'm sure she's not the only 19 year old out there who takes the piss. But I've told her to step up, and she has (as has her BF, who in fairness did a lot anyway). The younger one was always pretty good, but not consistent- like most 12yo.

The fact that they're DH's, not actually MINE is irrelevant. I love the little buggers the same, and they infuriate me just the same.

(Sorry, I'm not intentionally ranting at you - there's been a few posters that have said similar about them being DHs kids and it's bubbled with me for a few days!)

I think you're missing the point OP about pussy closing up etc.

where is your DH is all this?

Why are you doing the hard thankless parts of parenting? Why is he not pulling his weight?

They are adults and capable - and yet you're running around pandering to DH and the adult/teen DC?!

It sounds like the OP has taken very effective action and handled it late but very well.

Yeah but, she could be like one of mine and pour the washing liquid into the machine before they are tall enough to see in the drawer!

Sadly, they were better at washing at age 2 than a teen. Best laid plans and all that...

@FrillyGoatFluff - did the rest of the week go well for you? Hope you were spoiled rotten yesterday and that the rest of the family really gets what it is that you do (or more accurately did) for them and they will step up a lot more.

I'd love an update please! Hope your family appreciate you even more now and are continuing to step up and do their share.

@FrillyGoatFluff how did it all pan out?