Homeless man WWYD

[Fizbosshoes]

Its more of a what you would have done as the scenario happened this afternoon.

I was on a work break and had my phone (i dont have applepay or googlepay on my phone) and some cash with me, and was about to go into a shop when I was stopped by a homeless man. He said "excuse me excuse me," and physically blocked my path by moving side to side so i wouldnt walk past, and said he was homeless and needed food and £10 towards a hostel for the night. I pointed to tesco metro, and said what do you want, I'll buy you something. And then he said he didn't want food, he wanted £20 for the hostel. And then pointed to the cash point, and said there's a cash point here.

I told him I'm buying something in the shop, I will give you some change on the way out. I bought what I wanted and I gave him £5 on the way out. He immediately asked had I got any more, and said he needed £20. And then said can I ask you a question, and I said no, and walked away.
I felt bad about it but I also felt pretty intimidated. (He was probably a foot taller than me) I told DH later, and he said he wouldn't have given him anything.

Thing is how do we know who is genuine and who isn't?.There are a couple who hang out near our retail park by the trolleys.. they ask if you need help with shopping into car and ask to take your trolley back.. they actually come back with your £1.. but l always say to keep it.. they are very polite and grateful.. I've also bought them a sandwich and a drink.
Anyone who tries to intimidate l ignore.

They can use a care of address. Or the hostel address or council office address. It’s permitted.

They also don’t require ID. It’s helpful but not necessary.

Depends what you mean by hostel - the homeless shelters are free, but in my city are usually full or homeless that want to avoid them because they feel safer in a hostel they pay for such as YHA hostel or a tent. One woman is living on a bench in the open. Also we have some homeless pathway accommodations where users pay a small charge.

It's very complicated and yes there is benefits etc but they aren't just handed cash on day 1 of homelessness.

I'm sorry you felt intimidated OP, he may have been trying to pull a fast one but equally he may have just been desperate. I'd have done the same.

I just guage it at the time. Although i try not to give to anyone who is trying to intimidate me. I do sometimes have a chat, maybe food and a drink if its by a shop or give a few quid, but i just do what i feel best at the time.

This person sounded desperate to score, but you never really know. He could have been genuinely desperate for a room as the free hostels are not very safe for people, so they try to stay in hostels.

OP, you did what was fine and felt safest for you at the time.

Have you ever spoken to an addict? They are always very quick to reassure you they are getting off the junk and onto the straight and narrow, even when it’s plain to see it couldn’t be further from the truth. No one knows better than an addict just how frowned upon addiction is viewed by society. Take a look at this thread for example, the majority have said they would give money for food but not for funding addictions. Homeless people know they are more likely to get money by regaling a false tale about hostels or bus fares. The average person can relate to these issues and will take pity, but they can’t relate to feeding an addiction and would likely say no.

I understand the rationale of giving to charity instead but I think it’s a very idealistic approach to assume that if everyone ‘just says no’ they will have to turn to charities who can help support them into recovery. It just doesn’t work that way, addicts will stoop lower and lower until they get what they want/need. If it was my family member, I’d rather a kind hand was extended by a stranger rather than them resort to crimes that could endanger themselves and others.

The professional begging sounds like a different issue entirely and yes I could see how it would be difficult to distinguish who is who.

There are women who often put out tissues on the train with a small note asking for donations (in poor english) saying they are homeless and have a young baby. I'm pretty sure they're part of a gang as I see them meet up with others at the station. They are never pushy or intimidating.

But its not always easy to gauge who might be genuine, who might be scamming, but when you are confronted with someone much bigger who is intimidating, it's hard to think on the spot.

I have been in a situation before when a alleged rehabilitated criminal was aggressive and intimidating whilst selling things door to door. I was alone in the house with 2 young children. I told him twice, politely , I didn't want to buy anything and he got aggressive and put his foot in the doorway so I couldn't shut the door. Despite knowing it was a scam I ended up giving him money to go away. A friends husband (6ft + and stocky) said he would have told him where to go. Reality is they probably wouldn't have done that to someone their own size/gender.

I dint think you can ever know if someone is genuine.
i tend to give with no expectations iyswim.

The case the guy who just came out of jail etc… I’ve had them many times at my door. And just like the one who was intimidating at the entrance if the shop, they are harder to deal with because yes man vs woman and the difference in strength. I’ve learnt that you dint want to be ‘nice’ but just say ‘no I’m sorry but I can’t do that now’ and then close the door before they get annoyed/pushy/aggressive. I think that, as women, we’ve been conditioned to be too nice iyswim
This also means I’m probably saying No to genuine people. But simply, I am refusing to take the risk and if it is an issue for them, then they need to have words with the other guys about their ‘methods’.

There is a homeless man in my town. He very pleasant. I buy him.food but will never give him.money. He asked me for money once and I said no, but that I would buy him.food. I stick to this.

That wasn’t my point.

I wouldn't have given him anything but I have a very cynical attitude now having watched the "shift" changes between the allegedly "homeless" in the city centre.

Most genuinely homeless don't behave like that.

There are women who often put out tissues on the train with a small note asking for donations (in poor english) saying they are homeless and have a young baby.

They're really not. That kid would be taken into care faster than you can blink. Children have priority for housing, which means their mothers have priority for housing, since housing a child with its carer is cheaper than paying foster care. If the mother is engaging with the homelessness system she'll be on benefits and/or have a job and as soon as suitable temporary accommodation for mother and child is found, she'll have a roof over their heads. Yes, technically in temporary accommodation she's still classed as homeless, but she's not sleeping on the streets with a starving baby like she's implying.

Some people do not qualify for any benefits at all ( failed asylum seekers eg.)

Failed asylum seekers are called illegal immigrants, they shouldn't be here. They're not expected to fund their own deportation. If they've absconded rather than be deported that's on them. The could return back to their country or try to claim asylum somewhere else.

OP don't assume that because someone is begging, they are homeless.

Most of us don't carry much cash since COVID anyway.

I rarely go into the centre now since I can do everything from home/locally but I remember speaking to some homeless people and asking them if they wanted me to phone the Council and the overwhelming response was they'd rather be on the streets. I thought fairly recently about starting a thread about what people would do day to day (washing, eating etc) if they were street homeless, might do that

I hate agressive men so much and couldn't care less what their personal situation is. I wouldn't piss on someone intimidating me like that if he was on fire.

The genuine ones doing that, it's part of their rehabilitation back into society to sell things door to door (other schemes exist too). They'll have ID. And a home (which may still be prison, with applicable benefits if it's not). Anyone doorstep begging because they're "just out of jail" is full of shit. They may well be, but they don't need to beg for money for food or a place to stay etc it's usually for addiction.

The newly homeless who aren't known to any charities yet may not be aware they can claim benefits without an address, so if you're interested in helping them, chatting and making them aware of this and where to go for help (council office, charities, foodbank, job centre) in your area means you're helping the genuine ones. It's also possible to have a GP whilst homeless so if they need medical care including help for addiction, it's out there. The issue is lots don't want to comply with the rules of the various systems we have in place. I'm not disagreeing the systems aren't always fit for purpose, the rules can be a pointless PITA but those systems are what we have and refusing to use them isn't going to help the individual get housed. Some people do choose to remain homeless so they needn't comply with the rules of the system or stay temporarily in a hostel that doesn't feel safe. A tough decision and understandable at times, but their choice none the less.

Ok, then I have no idea what your point was.

Some hostels do take a certain amount for food and cleaning etc but it's usually negotiable as many people wouldn't have it.

I think you were appropriate in that scenario and he was being more forward than I'd be comfortable with. £20 is a lot for many people at the moment.

A last summer in Cambridge I bought a homeless guy a ham sandwich from Sainsbury's, he told me for about another 50p he could have the Meal Deal that included a drink. I walked away.

I’ve volunteered with the homeless for over 25 years. I wouldn’t hand over money. Sadly we all know what they do with it.

I would have offered good and drink and a conversation and that’s it.

Twenty odd years ago in my hometown, there was a girl clearly on a bender. She was loitering in various metro stations with a can a beer in hand. She absolutely reeked and had obviously been drinking 24/7 for 2/3 weeks as I’d see her in one station in the morning and then see her in another after work.

I gave her some money one day because I felt sorry for her. I mean, how shit must life be for you to be drinking yourself into oblivion. She was aggressive and was bullying people for money and I thought fuck it, here’s two bucks.

Anyway, the next day she asked me again for money and I told her I’d given her some the day before. She didn’t remember. Told her I wasn’t her personal ATM.

Never saw her again. Maybe they picked her up, maybe she got clean, maybe she didn’t. I still think of her because she was clearly going through some kind of episode. But people didn’t think of ‘mental health’ crisis and shit like we do now. Probably 1/2 million people saw her in the metros for those few weeks and no one helped or intervened.

I can’t help that.

I never give to people on the street. I would rather donate to a charity that helps homeless as I can be more sure about how the money is being used. And hopefully it actually helps some people to improve/turn around their lives.

I would call that a "verbal mugging" it's crossed the line from begging. Tips to try for future.

Just keep walking and say no sorry if you want to say something. Do not get into conversation.

Head back to shop and chat to security person for a bit and explain you're feeling a bit threatened so just waiting there for a bit. Then alter appearance if possible - hood up? Take coat off. Put hair up. And then go

bought what I wanted and I gave him £5 on the way out.

Well that was stupid. You've just taught him that aggressively hassling women pays dividends.

He's basically mugged you. I wouldn't have spoken to him, let alone given him anything.

I just don't see grown adults begging on the street as my problem, whatever their circumstances. I never give money and it wouldn't occur to me to buy them food either. I regularly donate to foodbanks as they help families and i think children in poverty deserve the limited help i can give more than the drug addicted adults begging and intimidating people outside Tesco.