Homeless man WWYD

[Fizbosshoes]

Its more of a what you would have done as the scenario happened this afternoon.

I was on a work break and had my phone (i dont have applepay or googlepay on my phone) and some cash with me, and was about to go into a shop when I was stopped by a homeless man. He said "excuse me excuse me," and physically blocked my path by moving side to side so i wouldnt walk past, and said he was homeless and needed food and £10 towards a hostel for the night. I pointed to tesco metro, and said what do you want, I'll buy you something. And then he said he didn't want food, he wanted £20 for the hostel. And then pointed to the cash point, and said there's a cash point here.

I told him I'm buying something in the shop, I will give you some change on the way out. I bought what I wanted and I gave him £5 on the way out. He immediately asked had I got any more, and said he needed £20. And then said can I ask you a question, and I said no, and walked away.
I felt bad about it but I also felt pretty intimidated. (He was probably a foot taller than me) I told DH later, and he said he wouldn't have given him anything.

It is very easy to say I'd tell them to fuck off but unless you are in that exact situation you don't know what you'd do. (And I do mean that exact situation - with that exact person acting in that exact way). The ideal is to say no but you did what you could to get out of the situation safely OP, there's nothing wrong with that. Maybe work out a plan of what you will do if it happens again but if it happens and you don't feel safe with your plan then do what you must to get yourself away.

Very true, doubt I'd say fuck off out of my way if it was in RL, even though my comment sounds like I would give it a load of gob 😁
There'd be no chance they'd be getting anything off me with intimidating tactics like that though mentioned in the OP and I wouldn't feel bad about it .
It'd be a forceful "No" and walk straight by,

Getting £20 off everyone he intimidates is quite a lucrative days work!!
He probably earns more than a lot on MN.

Don't give him any more money, I wouldn't have given him anything.

I would offer to but them a drink or sandwich but not give cash. We also have a homeless hostel in our town so signpost them there. I run a soup kitchen too once a week at the hostel for the street homeless. Its very sad to see BUT there’s a way out for them if they take the opportunity

Not really the same point but I don't care what a homeless person spends on if I choose to give. My problem is that not all of them are actually homeless. There are gangs putting people out to beg, I've seen them get dropped off and collected.
There more people give the more incentive this creates.

I give enough to homeless charities etc anyway there are people in our local town who will drive out to meet them, assess needs etc immediately with a WhatsApp. They are retired social service professionals. So my conscience is clear. I feel zero guilt of any sort.

Can I share two experiences I've had recently?
First one is that there was a man begging regularly outside a church I used to attend, he wasn't necessarily homeless, as some locals in the area said they knew where he lived. He was slightly overweight and above average height, wore very dirty clothes and was asking everyone who entered the church for money. If I occasionally gave him £1 coin, he used to peer at it closely, as if to imply I was tight, but honestly I would rather put money in to the church funds rather than give it to this, literally, cheeky beggar. He didn't look hungry, he just looked as if he needed to shower & wash his clothes.
The second experience was when I was walking back to my car in a Sainsburys car park, a young man in his 20's approached me directly, his spiel was as follows:
" Can yer 'elp me? I've not eaten for 3 days, an' I've just been beaten up badly"
There was not a mark on him, and his clothes looked clean, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, I gave him a £2 coin I had in my pocket. He almost snatched the coin, and legged it across the car park without a word of thanks, and gave the coin to the driver of a car near the supermarket cash machine, who handed him a small brown packet. Oh, right, just been beaten up, eh? Drugs, I thought, although £2 wouldn't buy much, maybe he was a couple of quid short of his usual quota, but I felt like a mug, and certain people can spot a soft touch.
OP, you were very kind with this man, considering how intimidating he was, you were more than generous even talking to him.

Good grief! Don't feel bad,he was in the wrong for trying to intimidate you. You were kind enough to give him £5 yet he asked you for more. This is why I never give anything to people begging for money any more. They just start taking the piss. I'm on benefits myself,so I can't really afford to give anyway. But I did give a quid or two now and again to a homeless guy up until about 2 years ago who was always outside a particular shop in the high street. But after a while he started asking for more,asking if I could spare a tenner. Either that or he was approaching me for money every single time he saw me. In the end,I had to be quite blunt with him and tell him to stop asking as I couldn't afford it. The thing is,I didn't actually mind giving him a quid or two once a week. But he when he started expecting a quid to be 10 quid,and expecting money every single day,I thought 'Enough!'.

Your not obligated to give him anything and you did the right thing. I often have a chat with homeless people. I have a few that I pass regularly and I would always buy a hot chocolate or a cup of tea for, sometimes a sandwich but I’d ask them what they would like. I might ask them if they know that x drop in centre does a lovely dinner or try and engage them with a service. But I wouldn’t be going to a cash machine, especially if they seem to have an addiction- ultimately it doesn’t help.

As a pp has said, it's very likely he will remember you. Be on your guard.
He will see you as easy game now you have engaged with him and given him money.
I'd LIKE to think I would not of engaged at all and loudly and firmly said 'excuse me' when he tried to stop me. I would not of engaged in any conversation or listened to him, not of made eye contact and I'd of kept on walking purposefully.

You will be better prepared if you see him again.

and physically blocked my path by moving side to side so i wouldnt walk past

This was intimidating, he’d have been asked to move out of my way. I’m more than happy to buy sandwiches/food for anyone presenting as homeless but a I never give money.

"I bought what I wanted and I gave him £5 on the way out".

Nope.

I'd never give money or food to someone in the street. I don't understand why anyone does. There are lots of great charities about that provide food and support to people who really need it.

Totally agree. I would have yelled loudly that he needed to back off and then keep an eye out in case he tried to come after me when I left the store. You want a handout from someone you don't intimidate them. FFS!

I wouldn't have given anything
I ask sometimes, the last guy wanted a newspaper and a lighter so I picked those up for him

The only time I have ever given was when I saw an elderly homeless man rummaging in the bin and taking a takeaway box out to eat what was left in it. We were on a night out and took him to the local takeaway, paid for food and I gave him money. Probably not the right thing to do but seeing someone 70+ trying to eat scraps out a bin broke me a bit

Hostels don't charge the homeless and potless, if they got a place it'd be paid for with housing benefit. He wanted drugs is my guess. I'd have told him to fuck off and stop blocking my path, loudly.

One panhandler in town I give money to, he is deaf and doesn't speak, (he has a small sign saying deaf), and something about him reminds me of one of my brothers.

OP, you were nice, but he was wrong to block you and lie and suggest you withdraw money for him. Glad nothing further happened.

A few years ago in Paris, I was eating a sandwich with my family under an arcade opposite the Louvre. I had as much as I wanted and offered the rest to the homeless man also hanging under the arcade. He gratefully accepted.

Decades ago, a homeless man approached my dad asking for food and a bus ticket. My dad brought him home and left him in the garden whilst making sandwiches. They then walked to the Greyhound station (like National Express). My dad bought him a ticket, at his request, for a city 10hrs drive away and waited until he was on the bus, waving as it pulled away.

Thanks for all the replies, I've never really thought about hostels not charging anything. There are regularly homeless people who get onto the train and have what sounds like a scripted piece that they say in each carriage, including needing money for a hostel. Part of me is suspect because they all say almost word for word, the same thing, but I do sometimes give them some change (if I've got it - lots of people dont have cash, i dont always) A lot of them you can smell from ages away and I don't think anyone would be like that through choice.

It’s not choice as such, it’s addiction. It’s incredibly sad. It’s not about being horrible, it’s about whether or not you fund their addiction. They already get food.

Actually ive just remembered a time a homeless person came up to me, i did believe they were genuinely homeless. Asked if i had change, i said no sorry i dont have cash on me. They whipped out a card machine to take a payment. I was gobsmacked. I just laughed and walked off. CF

Many hostels do charge, but honestly most people begging are not trying to get money for that. Even if they are, you should not give money because you feel intimidated - "No, sorry" is what they are expecting, and they will just move on to the next.

The intimidation would have meant a no from me. I do sometimes give homeless people a pound or two and some warm words, but no more than that.

It's only one night emergency hostels that are free, longer term ones do charge but encourage residents to claim benefits to cover costs.