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Original poster

Who has bagged an excellent man while being a single mum?

71 replies

Wordsofprey · 01/03/2024 12:07

Just that really. Is it possible? Where are these mythical creatures?

I'm a young single mum with an under 1 year old and not looking to meet anybody any time soon, or possibly ever. There's no room in my life for heartache and after a fair amount of trauma and mistakes it's become clear I have terrible taste in men and low standards. I'm level headed and intelligent but due to low self esteem I seem to only go for people with issues because I believe myself to have issues and only be worthy of those kinds of people, which a part of me knows isn't true, but there you go.

Who out there has managed to meet an excellent man when they were a single mum? Anybody managed this feat while carrying their own life trauma and met somebody who was all around a brilliant person? Where did you meet? How long have you been together? Did they accept your child as their own? How slow did you go?

Its a nice idea to meet a man who would treat my baby as his own but statistics like 1 in 7 step dads go on to abuse the children etc, really get me.. I couldn't risk that with my child. Id like to hear from people who have gone from being a single mum with some level of trauma in their background (rough upbringing, terrible taste in men, anything else other than perfect well rounded humans who I wish I was but am not) to meeting somebody who is a genuine good man. I'd like stories please.

OP posts:
Floofydawg · 01/03/2024 12:09

Yep, met my husband aged 42, two years after my divorce and with a 9yo. He's an absolute gem. My now adult DD sees him as more of a dad than her actual waste of space dad. Meet him online, been together 11 years now.

Pantah630 · 01/03/2024 12:11

Yes met my husband of 31 years when my eldest was 1 years old. Great father for him and our later edition 9 years on. Hold out for the right one, he'll come along.

LameyJoliver · 01/03/2024 12:12

Well I did! It was 26 years ago. I had a 7 year old and had been divorced for 6 years. I'd had a three year relationship which wasn't terribly healthy so came out of that one and decided not to bother. I then met my now dh again - having known him many years ago -w became friendly then...well, 26 years and 3 more dc on all is amazing.
He was always fabulous with dc1 and knew that she was 100% non negotiable. They have a brilliant relationship still. It can happen!

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Families
violetcuriosity · 01/03/2024 12:26

I have too. My eldest was 5, we now have a 1 year old together too. Biggest green flag was when he said that he wants the girls to grow wanting a partner that loves them like he loves me 😊

Original poster
Wordsofprey · 01/03/2024 12:26

Pantah630 · 01/03/2024 12:11

Yes met my husband of 31 years when my eldest was 1 years old. Great father for him and our later edition 9 years on. Hold out for the right one, he'll come along.

Lovely to hear - where did you meet Mr right with a baby so little?

Thanks for sharing ladies. I'm assuming you took it very slow? What really made me ask was reading a thread on Reddit directed to men, asking would they ever go with a single mother. The vast majority were absolute no's.. although I wouldn't want to be with any man who has that opinion anyway. Seems like a lot of men want to be put absolutely first. That obviously can't happen when you have a baby who is the world to you. Although I don't want to be alone forever and want to share my life with somebody alongside my little boy

OP posts:
isthesolution · 01/03/2024 12:36

Honestly - I think he bagged an awesome woman with a gorgeous daughter. But you could say I bagged him!

My daughter was nearly 2 when I started dating my husband 20 years ago.

thebabessavedme · 01/03/2024 12:46

It happened to me, over 30 years ago, married for 25 years this year.

My advice would be, once you have met someone you think could be special,

Take it very slowly
Don't move them in with you
Make sure you get on very well with his extended family

My dh is the only father my child has ever known, she is 33 now and could not be closer, Dh really took his time to get to know her and thought long and hard about our relationship, He is the only man she has ever seen me in bed with, I had a couple of other boyfriends but was always very careful about her sense of safety and stability.

Dhs family welcomed her with open hearts and we are a close knit bunch and my grandson is also a major part of the family.

The above is the only way I would have been happy, a man who was not committed to being a true family would have been history.

DaphneduM · 01/03/2024 12:53

I did too!!!! My daughter was 4 and we met through work. He was a bit younger than me and didn't have any children. He totally took over the father role to my daughter brilliantly. Twenty nine years later we're still going strong. We moved to be near our daughter and son-in-law, at her request and are totally involved in her life. It's been our joy to look after our grandson two days a week before he started school. I count myself incredibly fortunate.

doorframesatdawn · 01/03/2024 13:11

My best friend met her DP online when she had a 10 year old daughter. Bestie was very careful and I think she introduced them to each other at about 12 months in. All three are now living together and it works really well. He's a good bloke and has gradually become more of a dad-figure.

socks1107 · 01/03/2024 13:14

Yes I was a single mum with two young children and met my now husband online. Been together 13 years and married for 7 this year. He's a good man and I'm lucky to share my life with him

Pantah630 · 01/03/2024 13:43

I was at work OP and he was a customer, he kept coming in and we hit it off. We're both bikers so had that in common.

Februaryfeels · 01/03/2024 13:59

Pantah630 · 01/03/2024 12:11

Yes met my husband of 31 years when my eldest was 1 years old. Great father for him and our later edition 9 years on. Hold out for the right one, he'll come along.

Will he? How reassuring

tenzillionlightyears · 01/03/2024 14:02

Bagged? You mean like stuffed into a sack? Not me 😉

Sanch1 · 01/03/2024 14:15

Yep! Met mine at work. Been married 4 years in a couple weeks! He took my elder two girls on and treats them as his own, and we have a daughter between us.

He's great, works hard, does all the house stuff equally and child stuff equally no matter if it's mine or our child/ren. All our money is shared, he pays for my two equally as he does our one.

In comparison to my ex he's a god!

bakewellbride · 01/03/2024 14:18

My SIL met her husband when she was a teenager all alone with a newborn. It all happened really quickly (they said they loved each other on the day they met) but it all worked out. That was ten years ago now. The dh is a devoted dad to the eldest and they went on to have 2 more children. Been married 5 years too. It does happen!

burntoutnurse · 01/03/2024 14:22

Met my Dp 4 years ago after a horrific divorce 7 years before meeting him. I have three boys (though all teens!)

We are getting married in sept. I met him in the local pub. On his birthday. His best birthday present ever o say Grin

Augustus40 · 01/03/2024 14:25

I do not see why people portray a single parent as less of a catch. Plenty of women have children it is not hot news.

As for how many excellent partners are out there is another story.

I have read the comments on reddit about single parents and I think those guys are just highlighting their immaturity. I doubt many women would wish to date such Neanderthals anyway.

Toomuch44 · 01/03/2024 14:26

My friend. She came to the UK to escape an abusive husband, leaving her two children with her parents. She found work at a holiday park and got talking to someone on holiday! He visited her two weeks later, said he really liked her and would she come and live with him immediately, if it didn't work out he'd give her money to get back home or until she found another job. At that point she told him about her two children.

Turns out he is a really nice chap, keeps himself trim and fit, very wealthy and on top of that has fought to get her two children into this country and adopt them. His DM totally took to her and her children and paid for one to go to private school. He totally treats them as if they were his own, lifts, taking one away for weekends (they both enjoy the same hobby), buying one a car etc. They've been together ten years, seem very happy and now had a DC of their own.

Robinbuildsbears · 01/03/2024 14:29

My mum did, when I was still a baby. He was an ex boyfriend from a few years before when they were teenagers. Statistically it was a terrible idea, but in reality it was one of the best decisions my mum ever made for me. They ended up having four other children together, and he ended up adopting me when I was four years old. Although they're not together anymore, I'm still closer with my dad and his side of the family than my mum's.

My husband has two older half siblings on his mum's side from before his parents got together, and they've integrated very well as a family too, with the younger of my FIL's step children calling him dad and the older being his long term business partner. So it definitely happens, probably more often than you might expect.

Newgolddream70 · 01/03/2024 14:57

I am still waiting 🤣 I am 53 with DS9 so most men around my age have adult children and understandably want someone who has more freedom/less ties. I am happy though and can't be bothered with OLD (been there, done that) so hoping someone lovely comes along one day while I'm doing my thing and we fall in love and live happily ever after!

FinallyFeb · 01/03/2024 15:35

I did, I was a teen mum and on my own until my DC was nearly 7. Then I met my now DH of almost 30 years. I went on to have 2 more DC and it’s a joy to see my three now adult DC get on so well.

My DB married a woman who had a DC and they’ve been together for over 20 years.

GoodHeavens99 · 01/03/2024 15:43

Wordsofprey · 01/03/2024 12:07

Just that really. Is it possible? Where are these mythical creatures?

I'm a young single mum with an under 1 year old and not looking to meet anybody any time soon, or possibly ever. There's no room in my life for heartache and after a fair amount of trauma and mistakes it's become clear I have terrible taste in men and low standards. I'm level headed and intelligent but due to low self esteem I seem to only go for people with issues because I believe myself to have issues and only be worthy of those kinds of people, which a part of me knows isn't true, but there you go.

Who out there has managed to meet an excellent man when they were a single mum? Anybody managed this feat while carrying their own life trauma and met somebody who was all around a brilliant person? Where did you meet? How long have you been together? Did they accept your child as their own? How slow did you go?

Its a nice idea to meet a man who would treat my baby as his own but statistics like 1 in 7 step dads go on to abuse the children etc, really get me.. I couldn't risk that with my child. Id like to hear from people who have gone from being a single mum with some level of trauma in their background (rough upbringing, terrible taste in men, anything else other than perfect well rounded humans who I wish I was but am not) to meeting somebody who is a genuine good man. I'd like stories please.

My cousin did. She had 2 young kids at the time, she married her new fella; and they went on to have 2 more children.

They got married in 1991, so they're doing ok!

FizzyWizzyBubbles · 01/03/2024 15:52

Mines pretty good. Was a single parent. Dh was a good friend and one day i told him I was developing feelings for him. He said he had been too.
We went on a date. He stayed over, and from that day never went home!
Ds was already really familiar with him as we used to see him 5 days a week, he took ds to football, sports stuff regularly when we were friends. I already knew his dc again as we did lots together forna few years prior as a group of friends and as just us.

He moved in, from day 1 he paid for all household bills etc as he knew id be financially worse off as would lose wtc. Told me to make sure me and ds always had what we wanted, said my wages were for us only he'd cover other stuff, which was still in my name, we opened a joint account which i use as i wish. But my wages went to my personal account as did cms, and cb.
Hes always fully supported me and ds financially and emotionally

Married, 3 more dcs. Moved house, opened our own business
And hand on my heart we have only ever had 1 biggish argument about 5 years ago
We are on same wavelength parenting with regards to our own dcs we had prior and our dcs together. The dcs all Get on amazingly and no issues all these years down the line

I was single for 7 years prior

Treehuggingmutherfunkin · 01/03/2024 15:58

Mu friends have they do exist usually have children themselves don't date childless men if you have children

MissyB1 · 01/03/2024 15:59

Personally I think these men are very lucky to find us awesome mums!

I met Dh when I was mid 30s with two kids. He said one of the things that attracted him was how strong and independent I was, working and raising my kids imin my own. Anyway we are happily married and still very in love 15 years later with a child of our own.