Who has bagged an excellent man while being a single mum?

[Wordsofprey]

Just that really. Is it possible? Where are these mythical creatures?

I'm a young single mum with an under 1 year old and not looking to meet anybody any time soon, or possibly ever. There's no room in my life for heartache and after a fair amount of trauma and mistakes it's become clear I have terrible taste in men and low standards. I'm level headed and intelligent but due to low self esteem I seem to only go for people with issues because I believe myself to have issues and only be worthy of those kinds of people, which a part of me knows isn't true, but there you go.

Who out there has managed to meet an excellent man when they were a single mum? Anybody managed this feat while carrying their own life trauma and met somebody who was all around a brilliant person? Where did you meet? How long have you been together? Did they accept your child as their own? How slow did you go?

Its a nice idea to meet a man who would treat my baby as his own but statistics like 1 in 7 step dads go on to abuse the children etc, really get me.. I couldn't risk that with my child. Id like to hear from people who have gone from being a single mum with some level of trauma in their background (rough upbringing, terrible taste in men, anything else other than perfect well rounded humans who I wish I was but am not) to meeting somebody who is a genuine good man. I'd like stories please.

I met DH when DD1 was 5. She’s now 40 and we have DD2 who’s 30. Our marriage is great! BTW, I never wanted him to see my DD as his own child. She’s always used his first name, never calls him dad but loves him to bits. She treats him as a grandad to her own DC

Me! I met my now DH 12 years ago when I had a 1 year old and had no contact with her father. He is the best man I'm the world- treats DD13 and DS9 exactly the same, DD calls him by his name to his face, but always "my dad" when he's not there.
He is just gentle and sweet and a generally lovely man.

After leaving a horrible relationship with a very controlling and useless father of ds (now age 5). I vowed to stay single unless I found someone I was certain gave me green flags, and above all someone who is ultimately kind and selfless.

I have been extremely lucky in meeting someone who has completely exceeded any expectation I had. I had such a dim view of men, and he was such a surprise. Since understanding my own value I’m now experiencing the best relationship I’ve ever had.

It’s better to be single than be with an arsehole- believe me.

Me! I wasn't looking for anything serious but he came into my life and now we are living together, due to get married in July. He is an absolute gem and so perfect for me. It's like we are two halves of a whole.

Not me!🤣 I think(feel) like the only fussy person in the world right now! I only want someone nice, funny, respectful & that will enhance my life. I just cant settle for less. I offer this in return of course!

So many people (especially with kids) just accept ‘anyone/someone’ just to be coupled up.

I am dreaming of meeting someone randomly on a dog walk that just appears - personality & SOH ofRicky Gervais that is loyal, lovely & respectful. We meet, fall in love! Never give up hope!

It’s SO much easier for a guy to meet an amazing woman than it is for a woman to meet an amazing man.

I will wait & be happy either way!

Think I like this description best.

Where are you all meeting these amazing men?😉

I think ‘bagging’ them is the wrong attitude- view yourself as excellent and the man is lucky to have you! He is lucky to meet you and your learnt life experiences. He is only excellent if he meets your standards, you are excellent in your own right (child includes).

I met my partner when DD a week before her fourth birthday at a gig.
I had been single since she was 18months and decided never to repartner.
we were texting after the gig as I fancied him and thought he would be a nice FWB, but I sent him a picture of the cupcakes I was trying (and failing) to bake for my daughters party and he turned up at the door (he knew my daughter wasn’t home) with baking equipment and proceeded to make the most phenomenal, beautifully decorated cupcakes with me and the left with no expectations. I felt hook line and sinker that night.

he was a self-confessed eternal bachelor, moving around every few years, no kids, no LTR, - we started out as casual but almost eight years later we are still together and getting married.

he says that he was impressed by my self sufficiency, my boundaries and although he was afraid that I had a child, the fact that I had very clear actions that indicated that he wasn’t expected to take on a fatherhood role in the beginning was a positive for him.

he met my daughter as mums friend after six months, we would eat together or go to the park, but we dated when she was not around and he didn’t sleep over if she was there. He moved in after 12 months and then we became a family. There have been almighty challenges as we have all adjusted but we are a strong unit and I have retained as much as possible my independence financially etc.

after the horror of my daughters father I did a lot of therapy and worked really hard on identifying what was important to me in a relationship. My current partner is worlds away from my exes and this is a result of consciously avoiding or rejecting they type of horrible men I used to go for to free up space for decent ones!

Met my second husband when my sons were 7 and 9. I was 35 he was 38. We have been married for 20 years. We both joined the same dating agency ( no online dating then) and they sent his details through the post. We met on a blind date. He was childless and a widower, I was divorced. He brought my children up and is now grandad to my youngest sons 2 children. We retired early and are having a ball. He is a wonderful man.

That's a lovely heartwarming story.

I have, me 46 him 42. We were friends for a few years before getting together. He has no children, me one.

It's easier in that my ex has dc at weekends and is happy to accommodate my travelling to see my dp (as we're long-distance). No plans to move in together until dc is older.

It feels like a double life, sometimes, as I go between DP and DC and work, quite tiring and I need a lot of me-time as a result, but it's working so far.

Me. Single mum of 2. Met my DH online and been together for 7 years. Don’t panic is the best advice I can give you and get yourself into the right headspace before searching.

ME! Out of 106,000 people I bought a ticket off him and sat next to him at a sporting event. I had been single for 6 years had a 11 y.o and a 13y.o. I had one ltr before him for 4.5 yrs which ended very painfully and sadly for me. I had been completely single for 1.5 yrs. We took it slow and it has all been very very good. He has protected me amd DC from a very abusive ex even hiring an attorney 8 yrs post divorce to end the harassment. We are financially sound have a very comfortable life own our homes, travel are each others best friend. He was a young dad (18) I was not (32) so our children span alot of years. He is very generous and supportive to DC and me and we prioritize our families. All DC are doing very well. He’s older by 10. He does NOT do much inside the house and I do NOT do much outside the home but it works out. Make a list of the character traits most essential to you and only date someone who has those traits. 4 friends divorced at same time with children all also happily remarried to good men. It happens all the time if you give it time.

Yep! We began our journey when DS1 was 3 and they absolutely adore one another. We had known eachother prior to hooking up and would often take DS1 on walks/adventures etc. I definitely had the hots for him, it just took quite a while (and a glass of wine) for me to tell him 😅

DS1 is now 7 and I am now heavily pregnant with DD1 and he's the best step father in the world to DS1 whilst I battle the end of pregnancy. He does everything I currently can't and it just warms my heart to see them have such a tight bond.

DS1's dad is also fantastic but lives a long way away. My partner never wishes to step on his toes, but I must say I feel incredibly blessed to have had things work out how they have.

It's entirely possible! The best thing to do is ocus on you and your babe - they (or the opportunities to find them) always come about when you least expect it/aren't looking 🙂

My kids were 10, 8, 3 when I met DH on tinder!

We dated for a year before they met, then another 2 years before he moved in and we look after his little boy every other weekend.

It hasn't always been easy and still isn't sometimes as DSS is the same age of my youngest and therefore DH has somewhat unrealistic expectations of my two teenagers. Sometimes it's very hard indeed. But he is brilliant and I love him.

Me. I spotted him and literally shoved a marriage sack over his head, Borat-style.

In reality, I signed up to Bumble when my DC were 6 and 2. He was the third person I met and we just clicked. Nearly 10 years later we're still very happy.

Yes i met mine when I was 27 with 3 children (10/9/7) we've been together 12 years now and have two kids together and he treats all 5 the same. He's been a great step father to the big 3 and they respect him tremendously. We met on fb but he was a friend of a friend so not a stranger. Neither of us were looking for a relationship it just sort of happened naturally.

Not me but my ex colleague/friend said she met her husband when her DD was 9. She’s also Hindu so had the cultural and religious aspects to go through too, she got gossipy comments from wider Hindu community. She’s now happily married with a 4 year old. Good for her!

My own DM met my step dad when DB was 2 and I was 5 but she was also in the process of divorcing my dad at the time, stepdad moved in as she was letting rooms to lodgers. He had a bit of an explosive side and admitted years later that in his mid 20s he probably shouldn’t have taken on a mum with 2 young children at his age then.

My mum did, so this was many years ago now. He was excellent but there was an age gap. Which I guess helps widen the pool of men and also increase their interest as you are the younger women etc (he was long divorced with grown up kids)
He took us on and was a nice step dad.
They met at a party

I did back in 2018.

and I was in my 40s.

sadly he passed away in 2021 but he was amazing , kind, gentle, my kids adored him and vice versa.

ill never forget him